Episode 028: Crazy Dates, Cops, and A Book!
Episode 028: Crazy Dates, Cops, and A Book! with special guest Robert James
Ever have a weird date? The boyfriend had a weird occurrence after dating someone for several months. His ex showed up at a Laundromat to talk to him. The Boyfriend hadn’t told her where he did laundry. She just staked out the one closest to his place. He wasn’t scared about what she might do, but he certainly didn’t want any negative confrontation.
Leanne accepted a date with someone on the phone thinking it was someone else so she was surprised when a completely different person picked her up. One time she was set up on a blind date with a pediatrician. He annoyed her by calling her sweetie, ordering for her without asking, and was rude the servers at dinner.
Overall, Leanne and The Boyfriend have experienced some bad dates or dates they had no connection with.
Meet Robert James, divorcee and author of the book Next! The search for my last first date. He married his college sweetheart and divorced after 20 years. Once it fell apart he did his best to move on. Robert never planned on writing a book, but he had encouragement from an assistant who worked for him for 12 years. They were close and she wanted to hear about his dates. Robert was hesitant to share at first, but then they started talking and over time it became a thing where he was debriefing her every morning. After a while his assistant noticed he was having some crazy dates and suggested he write it down.
Robert eventually met with a publisher who said he needed more material. Robert decided to continue dating on match.com, but this time he decided to go out with the women with the crazier profiles so he’d have something even more interesting to write about.
When Robert started dating a few months after his divorce, he quickly discovered that things had changed quite a bit since he was in college, everything was online, and it’s probably no a great idea to use a Groupon.
Robert attended a party at his assistant’s home and she and her friends talked him in to a makeover. He got a few new things — Hugo Boss jeans, fitted shirts, new shoes, etc., but no new hairstyle.
Roberts dating process consisted of reaching out to a woman online and message back and forth a few times. If the woman was “normal”, they’d talk on the phone, then meet. Robert found that although many of the women seemed “normal” online, some of them were a little on the crazy side.
Leanne mentions her pet peeve about men calling women crazy. So is Robert just generalizing or are some of his dates really doing crazy things? What is it about a woman that he would qualify a woman? Robert shared some stories to better explain.
First there was the woman with a scar – that’s not crazy. The scare was from an accident – also not crazy. She died for a moment and her spirit left her body. Ever since then she says spirits come to her at night to ask her for advice. She says it happens every night unless she’s sleeping with someone. Then she asked Robert to go home with her. Okay – crazy pick up line!
Robert says he didn’t go home with her. (What? Now that’s crazy!)
Robert says talking about your ex on a first date is a deal breaker for him. He hates that. First dates should be about getting to know each other not each other’s ex.
Then Robert’s doorbell rings, and his dog barks. He puts Leanne on hold. [Hold music plays]
Robert returns and announces that the police were just at his door. They had their bulletproof vests on, rifles in hand, and are running through his backyard. They wanted to alert him that there was a home invasion down the block, and they have not caught the burglar.
Robert used to live in a different house and his kids would often leave the back door unlocked. Once Robert went out with a woman (just one time) and had no intention of calling her again. A few days later he received a text from that woman saying, “You’re out of ice cream and I folded your towels.” She also texted a picture of the empty ice cream carton on his kitchen table! Apparently, she found his address in the phone book/on or on the Internet, drove over there, and made herself at home. Yep, that’s a little crazy.
Robert went out with another woman (just one time – no second date) and she also found out where he lived and let herself in. She left little notes all over his house – she even left a note in the butter dish! Okay, yes, that’s also little nuts.
And it doesn’t end there. There was a third woman who he had gone out with twice. He hadn’t talked to her in a couple of days and wasn’t sure if he was going to follow up. During that time, Robert got home from work one night and thought he was being burglarized. He saw what appeared to be a flashlight flickering in his windows. He pulled out his gun and carefully entered his home only to find out that a blonde woman in lingerie was sitting on sofa. She had drunk half a bottle of his very expensive wine and was sitting there in sexy lingerie. Unfortunately, it was too late. Robert had already called the police before he had gotten out of his car. They showed up and they asked her to leave. She was a little embarrassed and nervous and Robert didn’t press charges. Not surprisingly, Robert hasn’t heard from her sense. She was one of the few he didn’t meet her online. His friends set him up. After they heard what happened, they said, “ohhh, we had heard things about her, but…”
Robert no longer lives in the easily accessible house, and even installed a security system in his new place.
He was still doing research and was dating once or twice a week and met a lot of nice women, but the nice ones were boring to write about. The women weren’t boring to date; they just weren’t interesting to write about. Robert notes that it’s hard to get timing and chemistry right, and the worse thing you can do is force it. He learned that there are a lot of women who were recently divorced/separated and hadn’t healed yet. Those women weren’t ready emotionally to settle down or get involved.
Robert had been separated for more than a year when he started dating and he wasn’t really sure what he was looking for. He knew he wanted someone compatible, but not a roommate or a caretaker. He was looking for a serious relationship.
He met women who were just serial daters, and he had a date with a woman who wanted to order a second meal for her roommate.
Eventually, Robert was offered a book deal, but he decided to self-publish instead. He didn’t know what he was doing when it came to marketing, and his son suggested he start a Twitter account. His following started to grow and within a couple of weeks he had over 4,000 and now is over 30,000.
Robert never intended to write a book, but the whole experience has been fun. He’s received some awards and feels better about his writing. In fact, he’s writing a second book!
Robert has also received some messages about making his book into a movie. Long story short, it’s already been written into a screenplay and it looks like there is a good chance the movie will get made. So stay tuned!
The good news: whatever money he makes from the movie or the book he doesn’t have to share with his ex-wife. In fact, he donates most all the proceeds to a charity.
And if you go to check it out for yourself on Amazon, you’ll notice a couple one-star reviews from a few of those “crazy” women.
What you’ll learn:
- Why Robert wrote this book
- Why you shouldn’t call women crazy
- Why we can call some of Robert’s dates crazy
- Why the cops show up during this episode
- Who is making a movie of Robert’s book
What you won’t learn:
- Who broke into the neighbor’s home
- How to break into your date’s home
- The Boyfriend’s true identity
Our favorite moments:
@09:00 Meet Robert James
@12:00 Robert needed material for his book
@13:38 Robert started dating a few months after his divorce
@14:56 Don’t use a Groupon on a first date
@15:42 Get rid of the “married man” jeans!
@18:53 Don’t call a woman crazy
@21:10 Crazy date 1 with a scar
@23:56 Doorbell rings. Dog is barking.
@24:19 Police are at the door
@26:24 Crazy date 2 ate his ice cream and folded his towels
@27:56 Crazy date 3 leaves note in the butter dish
@29:56 Crazy date 4, a gun, and the police
@38:45 Don’t order an extra dinner for your roommate
Tweet: It’s probably not a great idea to use a Groupon on a date. Ep 28 @lafterdivorce #relationships #dating #groupon
Tweet: If she says spirits will wake her up at night if she sleeps alone, you should prob go home with her. Ep28 #divorce #dating #spirits @lifelafterdivorce
Tweet: If you get a text ‘you’re out of ice cream & your towels are folded’ u should b worried. Ep28 #divorced #dating #crazydates @lafterdivorce #lifelafterdivorcepodcast
Tweet: If 3 different women break into your house after only 1 date, you might want to move. Ep28 #divorce #dating #crazydates @lafterdivorce.com