Episode 096: The Funny Thing About Relationships

By Help Person|December 4, 2018|Show notes, Uncategorized|

Episode 096: The Funny Thing About Relationships with special guest Barry Weisenberg

Meet Barry Weisenberg, Comedian, King of the One Liners, and winner of Las Vegas Comedy Festival 2006. We talk about how comedy affects our relationships and how relationships affect our comedy. We even talk about how conversations have changed over the years both on stage and on dates. We spend some time talking nuts & bolts of stand up which are very similar to dating. Both take practice, patience, and the willingness to keep going.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/barry.weisenberg
IG @ barryweisenberg

Full Transcript: 

Leanne: 00:00:05 Welcome to Life Lafter Divorce, episode 96. I am your host Leanne Linsky.

The Boyfriend: 00:00:10 And I’m the boyfriend.

Leanne: 00:00:11 Welcome back to another wonderful week of…

The Boyfriend: 00:00:13 That’s my cue?

Leanne: 00:00:18 That’s your cue. We even had movement here, folks, a little dance. The whole thing. Hey, I’m excited to be back this week. Yes, I am. I am very excited. It’s actually getting closer to the holidays. We’re in December now.

Leanne: 00:00:33 That’s right. It is. Yeah. Yeah. So this is all good stuff. That lovely time of year and hey, why are you guys are out there getting comfy, grabbing a beverage, snuggling up on your couch, whatever you’re doing, or if you’re in your car driving – while, you’re tuning in, make sure you rate, review and subscribe. Why? We want to hear from you and hey, check out the website

The Boyfriend: 00:00:56 but not in your car

Leanne: 00:00:59 That’s not good unless you’re a passenger. And Hey, check out the website at www.LifeLafterDivorce.com. We have a whole online store to make your holiday shopping so much easier. You know,

The Boyfriend: 00:01:13 just go online say I want this one, this one, this one. Click, go into the cart and be done.

Leanne: 00:01:19 Be done! And then we take care of it. Our little elves package it up and we send it to you,

The Boyfriend: 00:01:26 We have elves?

Leanne: 00:01:26 Yes. they’re called Leanna and the boyfriend. We’ll we will ship your treats to you or your loved ones. And hey, the new year is right around the corner and a new year is a time where we often start those new year’s resolutions. So that might be a really good time to

The Boyfriend: 00:01:46 So how many people actually stick with their New Year’s resolutions?

Leanne: 00:01:49 Not many.

The Boyfriend: 00:01:49 Yeah. You know why?

Leanne: 00:01:50 Because they don’t have a life a life coach.

Leanne: 00:01:52 That’s right. You need to get life coach. Come on, people. It’s like, you know, going to the gym at the beginning of the year and then you don’t go. Why? Because you don’t have a trainer. So get a life coach.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quotes_ep96aThe Boyfriend: 00:02:07 You go two or three times and then you know, you’re done. Get a life coach and it will help you get through those New Year’s resolutions.

Leanne: 00:02:15 Let’s make 2019 amazing. I don’t know about you, but I’m so done with 2018. Like I’m over it.

The Boyfriend: 00:02:24 I think I’m done with the whole 2000 teens.

Leanne: 00:02:27 Yeah, Let’s get into, let’s just fast forward. We’re ready, man. Yeah, I think we’re, we’re good. yeah. So I think those are all my announcements for today.

The Boyfriend: 00:02:38 Yeah. So then who do we have this week?

Leanne: 00:02:41 Well, this week was really fun. We have barry.

The Boyfriend: 00:02:46 Yes.

Leanne: 00:02:47 Yes. So we kind of want to tell you guys about this conversation because this was different than a lot of ours.

The Boyfriend: 00:02:52 The boyfriend was there,

Leanne: 00:02:54 Which is exciting because this was an in-person, a recording and, because barry was here in Long Beach with us, so that was nice. Yeah. And we talk about relationships and divorce, but we, we talk about it in such a different way this time because

The Boyfriend: 00:03:14 Because what is Barry?

Leanne: 00:03:16 Barry’s a comedian

The Boyfriend: 00:03:17 And what are you?

Leanne: 00:03:18 I’m a comedian. Not so much on this podcast.

The Boyfriend: 00:03:22 But you guys were talking to a lot of shop, which was interesting, but it was even more interesting from a normies perspective. That’s me who is not a comedian, to hear how you guys would go about your craft, which is very similar to relationships to me.

Leanne: 00:03:37 Yeah. Yeah. It was funny because as we’re talking about it, it’s like, yeah, this is just doing standup or being in the arts or whatever. It is, very much like a relationship in so many ways and you’ll hear our reference back to a lot of it. So if you can follow along with us on this journey of talking about comedy and our own little history of it and how, how it’s, how our personal life plays a role in that, you know, because

The Boyfriend: 00:04:08 and the other way around your, your personal life plays a role in your comedy. Your company actually plays a role in your personal life too. And it was interesting to hear from Barry.

Leanne: 00:04:16 Yeah, it really does. And you know, now I’m thinking back and we didn’t touch on this so much, but in this conversation you’ll pick up on how comedy is a coping mechanism for us.

The Boyfriend: 00:04:29 So many ways for those who didn’t know,

Leanne: 00:04:33 Just picking that fruit for you. Here you go. so, so yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s interesting because it plays such a big role in all aspects of our life. And we talked about, we kind of went off on all sorts of different tangents with it, but,

The Boyfriend: 00:04:54 but it was a very fun conversation and Barry’s hilarious.

Leanne: 00:04:59 So Barry is really cool. So if you guys have been following along, back on episode 84, we had Kathleen Parsons on and Kathleen is hilarious and she took us on this whole journey with her husband in Brazil and the cops and then Rajneesh.

The Boyfriend: 00:05:20 Go back and listen.

Leanne: 00:05:21 So it’s really great. And so Kathleen had introduced us to bury. And so Kathleen Barry and I have been in a writing group for some time now. And

The Boyfriend: 00:05:34 what do you write?

Leanne: 00:05:36 We write jokes, right. Yeah, we write bits. So we’ve been doing that quite regularly and that’s. So that’s how I got to know Barry. And so we invited Barry on the pot. I thought this might be interesting even more so because Barry’s not married and he’s never been married.

The Boyfriend: 00:05:54 No, but he’s been in. He’s had a couple long relationships.

Leanne: 00:05:57 He has a long relationship. Now that he’s ending, he’s very happy, but he’s never been married. And it’s kind of fascinating to hear another comedian talk about, you know, their journeys and relationships and how one affects the other or not. So yeah, the little bit more about Barry. So Barry’s name is Barry Weisenberg. Barry Weisenberg is like the king of one liners and Hilarious, hilarious. You guys have to check him out on Youtube. I’ll put some links in the show notes and everything, but his son is hilarious. And and he performs all over Los Angeles County, Orange County, southern California, southern California, other. He’s performed other places to any teacher stand up at West Los Angeles College. He teaches a couple classes, including the advanced class there. So if you haven’t seen Barry, definitely check them out. If you’re in the area, if not, look them up on Youtube. I’ll throw the links up there this week and I hope you really enjoy this conversation as much as we did because it was a blast. So thanks to Kathleen. We’re giving you a big shout out for hooking us up with Barry and I hope you enjoy it as much as we did. Without further ado.

Leanne: 00:07:30 So Barry, welcome to Life Lafter Divorce Podcast.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:07:32 Thank you. Sorry I was late.

Leanne: 00:07:34 You were right on time!

Barry Weisenberg: 00:07:34 But it actually worked out. So thank you very much

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quotes_ep96bLeanne: 00:07:40 It was perfect. And and I’m glad you made it and I’m excited to have you here because barry and I know each other because we’re in a writing group on Monday nights.

The Boyfriend: 00:07:50 You write?

Leanne: 00:07:54 I’m just learning the alphabet basic printing. No, Barry is a wonderful writer. Super talented. And you’ve been in the La area for how long

Barry Weisenberg: 00:08:03 for the La and Orange County and I’ve been doing this 27 years.

Leanne: 00:08:07 it was weird because you’re only 28.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:08:09 Yeah, I know. Exactly. I started looking as if you’re a great writer as I found out from, from seeing you. Right? You’re just phenomenal and I think it’s great because we’re all learning from each other. And I have been doing this 27 years and I absolutely love it.

The Boyfriend: 00:08:26 What is this?

Barry Weisenberg: 00:08:27 Standup standup comedy? I. Oh yeah, yeah. Why am I here? There’s nothing like it. When you do it and you make people laugh, it’s just a great, great thing to do. You feel great. They feel great, they forgotten their problems for however long and I just think it’s therapeutic not only for the audience but for us to do it.

Leanne: 00:08:49 Yeah, it is very cathartic, isn’t it? Yeah. Now, I don’t know. Have you ever stopped doing standup?

Barry Weisenberg: 00:08:57 I have bombed so many times that every time I bomb, now I have the last say 10 years have been great or a better than ever, but early on when I would have a bad night, I go, that’s it no more. I’m not doing this anymore. And then as soon as I got home I started writing jokes and that said to me, no, you’re destined to do this instead of actually quitting. No. I kept writing jokes and every time I bombed I would go onstage and next time write a whole new set and just see how that would happen. That didn’t go with that until I bombed again. You. The thing about standup is you got to keep getting back up because eventually it does get good if you stick with it, you know. And I just, I live for this. I know. I wish I could make a living at it. I’m not at that point yet, but I still do it because I just love to do it.

Leanne: 00:09:53 Right, I totally understand. And bombing is part of the process. It is like you can’t be a comic and not bomb. I, that’s how I see it. That’s how we learn.

The Boyfriend: 00:10:03 Failure leads to success. Yeah. That’s a, that works across all fields basically.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:10:08 I agree. Yeah, I agree. And every time I bomb I learned something and when you get kicked in the ass, it teaches you don’t do that again. You really do learn. It takes a while sometimes to learn, you know, sometimes it’s like the same kind of relationships. I did the same thing again. You may not hooked up with the same person again. Oh my goodness. But then, you know, you start. Yeah. But I’ve been lucky in the last few years I’ve, I’ve with someone who was just incredible, magnificent. She’s like everything. But before that I was eternal bachelor. Someone suggested that, hey, you were to call yourself barry the bachelor when you go on stage. I never thought about that, but that’s really true. But now alliteration exactly. And I, I could still do that. But it feels so good to be with someone that you’re comfortable.

Leanne: 00:11:02 Yeah. So you’ve never been married?

Barry Weisenberg: 00:11:04 Never been married, but I came close.

Leanne: 00:11:06 Really where you engage?

Barry Weisenberg: 00:11:07 Semi engaged. We were engaged to be engaged. She want an engagement ring. I was with her for about 10 years, I you know, yeah, yeah, I know you can babysit and I should have, I should have married her because she was just terrific and I’m only realizing it afterwards, but I didn’t want to get tied down. I’d love being out there. I love having the chase and finding who I could meet and have intimacy. I mean those were things that really attracted me, but looking back now, I made a big mistake, but thank God I met someone else who just turns out to be also great. And I’m happy with her. Very much so.

Leanne: 00:11:56 Wow. So did you find it hard because it’s doing standup that’s a lot of. We’re out late nights or embarrass a significant others like right. What are you doing? And unless they’re there every time and then it’s nice when they do go, but it’s, it’s also different.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:12:12 Yeah, I run it. I’ve run into that with so many of the women that I’ve been with. Oh, you’re not going out again to do stand up again and you and I would drag them to shows sometimes voluntarily. Sometimes they just tolerated it. I had one that just, she’s after putting up with months of it, we in a restaurant and she just let loose on me and she says, I can’t do this anymore. I went, all right. You could have picked a better time and way to tell me. But yes, I mean, I, you know, you know, you take your, you want your significant others to see you because you’re proud of that. You could do right. But after. Well, you know, mostly we do the same set over and over and over.

Leanne: 00:12:53 Yeah. The boyfriend would probably do my set for me. Hey I’m sick. Can you sit in for me?

Barry Weisenberg: 00:12:59 Yeah, exactly. Same. Same here. So, I’ve lost relationships because of that, but it hasn’t stopped me from still doing it. This is so great. I can’t stop. I’m hoping that even after my death in the coffin, I’m going so these two Jews go into a mortuary. I never want to stop. You know, it’s funny because early on when I was in college, I don’t know if this was true, maybe it’s me, I thought a lot about suicide. I have very low self esteem and I constantly thought about it. I wanted to end my life and then. But at the same time I was always entertained with my friends and I said, what am I going to do about this? And I realized I can do standup still be depressed, still be suicidal and write about it. I said, this is great. I’ll do that.

Leanne: 00:13:49 No, isn’t it, isn’t it funny? Suicide hilarious.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:13:52 No, but it’s so true.

Leanne: 00:13:57 But it’s. The funny thing about it in a weird dark way is that most of us comics have, we’re really, we come from a very dark side, right? And mean just going to mix. I mean, you look around and it’s, you know, Mike’s are in bars that are dark and dingy. I have my mic and, and what we used to lightly call rapey basement of a bar in the East village in New York for so many years, you know, but it’s those, those dark places. And then everybody comics, we don’t sit in the front row. Everybody’s in the shadows, the room. Nobody wants to laugh. Everybody’s got their little notebook out and you know, it’s dead quiet. I mean, so we’re working out material in front of a group that feels like they’re not listening and not only that, you can’t even see them in the shadows.

The Boyfriend: 00:14:52 From my standpoint, I see all weird people standing in the corners and you don’t know who they are, but then sitting in the crowd and they come up, they become alive onstage. You guys, you guys get this. I don’t know what it is, but you were this new person and you’re up there doing your act and your loving every bit of it and you’re trying to interact with the audience even though you really don’t want to interact with the audience. It’s a really interesting dynamic to see you guys from the corners to the stage and then back to the corner afterwards. Yes, and yeah, so it does come from. Well, from my perspective, it may come from a dark place and you guys are just, you’re, you’re doing what works for you.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quotes_ep96cBarry Weisenberg: 00:15:25 My significant other came with me to a show. I’m in La and she was talking to the comedians before they hit the mic and she said they were just so dull. Not interesting. Yeah. Awkward. Right.

The Boyfriend: 00:15:39 They don’t want to talk. They don’t want to come to me. They’re just like, what are you talking to me for thing?

Barry Weisenberg: 00:15:43 And they don’t even know really how to carry on a conversation, but as soon as they hit the mic there, act took over and they were often running and she remarked about that same thing that you just said. Just incredible.

Leanne: 00:15:55 Yeah. I remember when I first moved out here to California and I had made some new friends and I was doing a show in La at one of the clubs and I, I had some friends come with me. They’re like, yeah, we’ll go, and it was our first time seeing me and I went up and I did my set. I got off and they were like, who are you? You are a completely different person, you know. I was shocked because I’m like, oh, I’m the same person. Like I didn’t see it that way and I had spent so many years in New York around comics and they saw me as a fellow comedian and that was what it was. So, so hearing that from like normies who is a whole different thing.

The Boyfriend: 00:16:37 Yeah, but you guys put on you, you take on a new persona and you put on an act which is, which is what the job requires. But for someone who knows you, it’s hard to. It’s like who is that versus because we’re not used to seeing you as an, as a person putting on an act, right? You’re just the person that we’re hanging out with. So yeah. So it’s a little bit different for a Normie as you put us to see you guys go up on stage and put on this show, which is essentially what you’re doing because whenever like a band, they’re not the same people when they’re off. Actors aren’t the same people there. All right, you guys are out there doing a performance and we have to get used to it. It’s just comedy isn’t thought of in that sort of.

Leanne: 00:17:14 That’s true in a lot of the time. I’m sitting here thinking, what an asshole you are right now.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:17:24 But you know what I used to be I because I. When I grew up, I watched the tonight show with Johnny and remember how the comedian would do his stuff and then he’d sit down with Johnny and he was still funny. Yeah. And I didn’t know that secret in advance. They give stuff that Johnny to say so that he can have all these comments and these funny. Well I thought they just came up with stuff at the top of their head. So when I would be at school, I was on a roll day long and sometimes people would say, hey, you know, you’ve got to turn it off. And they used to say that to Robin Williams suit because he was constantly on. And finally I did. I started to get older. I learned, you know what? I do have to turn it off. You have to be a normal person. But all of us actors, Comedians, I guess singers too, we are a pretty dysfunctional, you know, let’s, let’s face it in one way or another, we all have this dark side. We all have this nerdy side. We all have this Geeky side. We all have this dysfunctional side. So you know, you just gotta live with it and recognize it. Some people take advantage of it.

Leanne: 00:18:25 Well in. The other thing is, is when people meet us and they hear, oh well we do comedy. They’re like, oh, tell me a job to do this. And it’s like dance monkey dance. No, that’s not good.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:18:41 People would ask that for me a long time and finally got to the point where I say, look, you need to see me in a club and I’ll do my stuff in the club and then it’s in the right environment. Then you can see myself. But for me to do a joke though, because I use to tell him a joke and it would bomb. I go, Oh Dang, that joke didn’t go well. How come it kills on stage? So yeah, there’s a difference.

Leanne: 00:18:59 That’s right. It doesn’t translate. And then, you know, like I, I remember I was traveling back and forth and doing shows here and there and I met a person on a plane and, you know, we get to talking to you like, oh, what are you doing in Vegas? And I was like, well, I’m going to see my family, but I’m also doing shows and you know, I do stand up and whatever. And then he’s like, oh, you’re a comedian. I would never have guessed that from talking to you, you know, after we just had a conversation. And then it’s like, tell me a joke, tell a joke, and it’s like I had learned that he was a coach, like a track coach for a university. And I was like, alright, I’ll tell you a joke if you like pat, run up and down the aisle, pass that baton and then make it under sort of one minute, which is a funny bit. And he just looked at me like, what a jerk. And I’m like, yeah, I kinda am,

Barry Weisenberg: 00:19:48 But at least he knew he was an a-hole.

Leanne: 00:19:48 but come on man. But he’s like, oh, I won’t believe it until you actually tell me something you wrote

Barry Weisenberg: 00:19:52 for all the years that you were in New York. How do you compare the comics there with here?

Leanne: 00:19:58 You know, I think there’s talented comics in both places. The biggest difference I notice is geographics has a lot to do with it because in New York I feel like the Jew, how it’s laid out, we’re so much closer. As a unit, it’s so much easier to know everybody. For me, this is my experience here because I’m 25 miles south of La. I feel very disconnected. But even when I was driving into La and I would go and get ups and stuff, I didn’t feel the same warmth or vibe that I did in New York. Even after I did shows the difference was the people producing the shows weren’t. They didn’t even say thank you. It’s like the level of professionalism was different. It was just different and

The Boyfriend: 00:20:47 you always told me it was a camaraderie. You could go to New York and do two or three mikes in the night. Whereas here in La you, it’s an hour between each one of them and then you’re waiting and then you can’t do more than one. And it’s much more difficult to do

Barry Weisenberg: 00:21:01 that one. That’s why comics in New York, I’ve seen him get on TV shows faster. Kids are so many opportunities real close to each other. You can do one, two, three, four, five, six, start the night with five minutes or like 10 minutes and ended up at the night with perfect sat because you’ve had a chance to try it out. And all these audiences. Yeah. No wonder they make it faster.

Leanne: 00:21:21 Yeah. And I think too, what, what, what I learned from being in New York and I ran a mic for seven years and I produced a show and what I learned is it was for me running a mic was the best thing I ever did because it really immersed me right in there. And I met so many people. You get to network to network. I have met so many people. And the beautiful thing about running a night, mike was watching someone go up for the very first time in seven years later, like my mind is blown out how awesome, awesome they are, you know? And I’m like, wow, I got to be a part of that. And and I think as we get to know one another and stuff, but, but also in New York, like doing that, other people weren’t just like, oh, what can you do for me? It’s like, what can I do for you? Also coming to la, it’s like it’s all about me. And there was no reciprocation. Even when I was producing a show out here, those same people I put up on my show, I ran into someone she wanted to do. She did my show a couple of times and I ran into her at another show and she acted as though she had never seen me before. And it’s like, come on like that, you know,

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quotes_ep96dBarry Weisenberg: 00:22:34 fury just wouldn’t, it wouldn’t happen in New York. It’s very selfish there. I teach comedy and I teach my students, hey guys, we’re, we’re all in this together. Let’s be friendly with each other, but it’s, it’s just like backstabbing and killer and you do something for me, but I’m not gonna do anything for you. Like they’re so afraid that someone else was going to get ahead. And in fact I just went through that with a comic who said, Oh, I just did this room in La. It’s a showcase. And there were all these agents there. I said, Oh, I’d love to do it. He says, I’ll send you the contact information. That was two months ago. I’d never heard from him. So I’m going through that too. But I think there’s a better, a better camaraderie, camaraderie in Orange County than there is in La.

Leanne: 00:23:20 And I’ve heard that. Yeah. And the people I’ve met in Orange County have been really wonderful.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:23:24 Yes, yes. Not so much me, me, me. It’s like, Hey, come on and do my Gig, you know, do my shower. I don’t care if you have any show, come on. I need comics. Very much friendlier,

Leanne: 00:23:33 much foreign labor and, and it’s just, yeah, it’s very interesting how, how different it was. And when I came here I had no idea that it would be so different. So I was really like in, for a rude awakening after that had happened. And I just, I haven’t been doing as much shows. I haven’t been doing.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:23:51 God, you’re so good. You’re so good. You’re writing is so brilliant.

Leanne: 00:23:56 This is why I hang out with Barry.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:24:00 You’re just a phenomenal writer. I’m just blown away when we do our writing sessions. I come away going, God, the way she words a joke, it’s just perfect. It’s just incredible. have any of the people that you saw New York, have they made it as, have you seen it?

Leanne: 00:24:16 Wow. every time we watch something on Netflix, I see. I inevitably see, you know, several people that I know have their own. They have their, they’re regulars and shows. They have their own thing. They’re writing movies.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:24:30 Wow.

Leanne: 00:24:31 Yeah. So a lot

The Boyfriend: 00:24:33 You saw the one guy on the commercial. The other day he’s like, Oh, I know that guy.

Leanne: 00:24:36 Then he posts on Facebook like two minutes later, hey, that was me in case you were watching the game. I was like, Oh, I was, you know, all that. I can’t watch anything without seeing somebody I know, which is awesome really, because that’s like, wow, I, I was surrounded by super talented people

Barry Weisenberg: 00:24:54 you know you can be there too. And I have a feeling you’re going to get some help to get there. You’re writing is just spectacular. I could go on and on for this whole segment

Leanne: 00:25:04 Our listeners are like she’s not even funny on this podcast.

The Boyfriend: 00:25:08 Very, very modest, but I’m telling you right now so that the internet, that means the whole world where know you were just a brilliant, brilliant writer and our other partner is also just super talented. Very, very much. So. What got you into standup? What got you say I want to do this?

Leanne: 00:25:26 interestingly enough, it was, it was. I had been running my mic for seven years, but I had been doing other things. I was doing commercials and theater. I was writing my one woman show which was more of a sketch show, a woman sketch show and I was, I started my mic for sketch comedy and it evolved into storytelling and character monologues and then slowly into stand up and I was hosting my mic every week and I was doing little bits and stuff like that and trying different things out. But I was doing all these other things and then some of my comics are like, how come you’re not doing shows? And I was like, wow. No. And when I first started comedy, I was doing Improv in Improv is a team thing, team effort, which is much different than standup. And I was in when, when I tell people I did Improv, people were like, oh, you do standup.

Leanne: 00:26:17 I’m like, no, it’s not the same thing and I get so angry and then everybody would want to take me to a standup show, piss me off. And I’m because I’m like, that’s not what I do. And then here I am running this mic and years go on and I ended up doing. I had written some stand up for my one woman show. And so I ended up doing it and it ended up going over. Well. I ended up doing it somebody else’s Mike or show or something. And and then next thing you know, I was booking, booking all kinds of shows and doing shows. And then I started producing my own standup show. And at that time, I mean, my whole mic was all stand up, for, for years now. And then I ended up having magicians at my bike, which was very interesting. But it kind of everything it. Yeah. It just kind of changed in. That became what I was doing and then I was traveling, doing some shows and.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:27:10 Incredible. Did you go to. I thought I heard you say you went to Las Vegas.

Leanne: 00:27:14 Yeah, I used to live there, so I was. I have done shows in Vegas.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:27:17 Oh my God. Yeah. Wow. You’ve really got a great background. Okay.

The Boyfriend: 00:27:22 Her one woman show was done at three different cities across the east coast in New York and New York fringe festival, Delaware and DC. And then back.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:23:56 You need to be on TV. You need to be at major clubs headlining. Oh my God. You’re so good.

Leanne: 00:27:42 Sorry, boyfriend. Now the barry and I are going to be a thing.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:27:46 I know you said you did. You ran that show and kind of a rape rapey basement. Yeah. Nothing bad ever happened there?

Leanne: 00:27:53 No, no, no. That place actually closed down. One of my comics was walking by and messaged me. He’s like, by the way, there’s a lock on the door at Identity Bar. So you may want to find a new place for your mind. Like I wasn’t even notified and so I went out the next day and I ended up meeting somebody new at another bar restaurant, which was a really nice place in the lower the knees, village, lower east side and a. and we ended up moving there. So I never missed a beat like another place, the white bar for a long time and they treated us very well. And, and that was. Oh, actually, that was after God, I can’t keep track. Started out at a magnet theater, which was an Improv, is an Improv theater in New York. And then I moved it to identity bar and then from there I moved it to em white bar and from him white bar to Casa Humo. Yeah. All those places still around those places. no. I’m anywhere I go, I shut that place down except for magnet theater or there’s still there. Still live with this draw bar bars kind of come and go.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:28:59 Yeah. Great stuff. So you, you, that gave you a chance to sharpen your own act, right? Because every week you don’t want to keep doing the same material. You want to keep adding, etc.

Leanne: 00:29:09 Yeah. It kept adding and changing things and it’s evolved. But there are some pieces that I just, theY always work and they’re kind of timeless. So I

The Boyfriend: 00:29:18 agree. When I saw you here in California, you were great as, as an mc because you would, your, your, improv background would come in and you’d be able to take off of other people’s jokes and play off the crowd and really work everything. They brIng it all together were talented that way.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:29:35 What an mc should do you just. Exactly correct. Yeah. Did you see a lot of bad comics? New York? Oh gosh. Yeah. Because he, New York, you always think, oh, everybody there must just be superb because it’s New York and then a lot of people have the same view of la, but there’s a lot of bad comics,

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quotes_ep96eLeanne: 00:29:54 bad comics, but at the same time, I think again, going back to having a mic, I’m a, I could learn from a bad comic. And so I appreciate them, you know, because if I were just watching good people that would give me such a warped idea of what things should be and I love watching people work stuff out. If it doesn’t go well, I still love it. Yeah. Because I see, I see the wheels turning and I have so much respect for people getting up there and people that, that weren’t good before are doing so well now. And it’s just they had to go through their own process. Everybody has their own processes. like how to get there. You know,

Barry Weisenberg: 00:30:37 someone asked god, there’s a great book on standup comedy, and I’ll think of it in a second, but someone asked Rodney Dangerfield, what’s the secret? He said that there is no secret. Just keep getting out there and performing. And it’s just what you said. Everybody has their own timeline. It’s different. There is no secret. You just got to get out there, right? Performed right, perform. Just do it over.

Leanne: 00:30:58 It’s so true. And it, you know, I feel like our listeners are like, wow, you guys are talking about all of this, how many stuff. But at the same time, when you hear what we’re saying, it applies to everything else in our life and relationships. Right?

Barry Weisenberg: 00:31:11 Oh, it’s, there’s such a similarity, which is why so many comics talk about relationships because it’s the same type of process.

Leanne: 00:31:17 Absolutely.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:31:21 God, things are changing in a way. Don’t you thInk guys are a little bit scared now?

Leanne: 00:31:28 Oh, with the me too. Movement. Oh, I’m, I’m, I’m, I have a day job and I’m terrified. I’m very friendly with everyone there, but I’ve got to learn to keep my mouth shut because as a comic you tend to want to see and I don’t want to get in trouble, but I’m not even talking about that. I’m also talking about dating. Don’t you think that it’s, that’s.

Leanne: 00:31:50 Yes. In fact, I just had a conversation with somebody the other day, on that same kind of thing because it goes by like, okay. So, someone jokes around a lot, like you and I, we tend to joke around a lot with people and so when we have these little zingers that come out and everything and we think like any around any other comics, it’s like comedy gold, but around a normal person or the people are okay with it. But I think what’s happening is because as a society we are becoming so uber aware of this, that things that we may have been okay with before, she’s not okay because we’re really reevaluating how we look things, how we.

The Boyfriend: 00:32:40 Sure you guys write comedy.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:32:42 Well that’s, that’s a really good. Yeah, that’s a great point

The Boyfriend: 00:32:45 because you can’t make fun of these things that people are aware of and may take a offense, may be the wrong word, but have, have, they may, it may hurt them some way. So therefore, how do you change the way you write comedy? Well, that’s onstage. I think you can get away with a little more, but when you’re just around people and talking or whatever, it’s a little different.

Leanne: 00:33:05 I have SomethIng on that and I thought this for a long time is when I hear comics and they talk with let’s say the topic is our relationship, right? I think like in my perspective, I look at it from the other person’s point of view like so if I am talking about an ex husband for instance, or an ex or somebody I dated in my comedy set, what is it from their point of view because there’s a difference between doing comedy in bashing somebody because to me that’s just bashing somebody at their expense, but if you can do it in a, in a smarter way, if you will, I think you can do it introspectively right, so that it’s not at somebody. It’s from the perspective of how, what’s my role in It? Right. Because that makes all the difference and I’ve actually had some male comics approached me after my shows saying, I like your set because you’re not doing what a lot of women do, which is just bash the other person and it’s not trying to be self deprecating necessarily to myself, but it’s been more truthful.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:34:15 Yeah. My only concern is because everything really seem so divided as a nation right now. You know, everybody is there. Everybody hates everybody. Basically. I just don’t want things to become so serious that we can’t talk about anything. right. We’re getting close and it started. Yeah, and it’s starting to really affect me. I’m going, god, I’m so afraid. What if someone gets offended? I have a joke in my act that said, I’m jewish. I dated a woman who was half asian, half jewish. I don’t want to say she was in the money, but her name was KaChing. In LA someone got offended by that and I said, that’s just seems like such a lighthearted non bashing joke, but everybody is like, oh, I’m. I’m offended by that. If I’m offended, everyone should be offended. So it concerns me.

Leanne: 00:35:09 It’s in rightly so, right, because I think today is a very hard time to be a comedian. Yes, because we’re walking. We already walk a fine line. We really walk a fine line of stretching the boundaries, making people think yes, bringing out truth that you’re already thinking it,

The Boyfriend: 00:35:29 but that’s why I think we need more of more comedians out there because we got humor, helps us get through a lot of things. I agree. We’re are stressed right now as a society and we need more humor to bring us together. So you guys forced. Forced it in there. Keep. Keep pushing the comedy and make us bring us together.

Divorce_song_lyrics_ep96Barry Weisenberg: 00:35:49 I agree. I think we need to keep going. Just, I agree. We just need to keep going out there and not let ourselves get pushed off the stage. You know, George carlIn never believed in political correctness and he would say what he wanted to say and I think we got us there. We got to draw a line in the sand and saying, hey,

Leanne: 00:36:07 stop. Well, here’s the thing. People are confusing business people, people in politics, which comedians, there are two separate things. Comedians, our purpose is to be thought provoking, to really push the boundaries, to make this art, to make you think, to stretch our minds. in a way that, that we, we stimulate conversation, conversation a politician, I’m a business person, I think they should do what they do best, right? So there’s a difference now when it comes to the me too movement, I think, I mean, you’re, when you’re doing other stuff to other people physically and that kind of stuff, that’s a whole different topic. But when it comes to, the freedom of speech and what someone may have said in their past, if I’m a comedian, I’m, I’m not running a major organization and I’m doing my job as a comedian is to do exactly that. And that’s the difference. And I think people are getting confused at that.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:37:14 The lines are blurred. The line. Absolutely agree. So yeah, it’s, it’s a concern. I’m worried that sooner or later we can’t talk about anything and I’m going, but what are you going to laugh at? You got to have human.

Leanne: 00:37:26 Like I don’t want the person that I work for, you know, as a, in a regular job and a regular organization. I don’t want that person to be a comedian. Like there’s a time and a place. Know your lane, your lane, and any comedians, I mean it for you to my speech. They can talk about what other top topics they want. They, each comedian has an audience for that, whatever. And then the same goes for other people.

The Boyfriend: 00:37:57 Has your comedy ever affected your job because, because you, you say some things on stage that may or may not, but then if your people from work see it was look at you differently.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:38:06 Yes. I’ve had a lot of people come out because I do tech support and the image of someone doing tech support. He’s, he’s boring. He’s geeky, nerdy. He spends all his time just knowing computers and nothing else. And then he’d come out and see me. They go, oh my god, you’re so different. You don’t, I would never have thought that you were a comedian. But then at work I do say funny things. I’m careful what I say, but I do say a lot of funny things and some people have actually said, oh, I’m not, you do stand up. So I get both. when I was dating, I would never take a girl out if I couldn’t get her to laugh.

Leanne: 00:38:44 Did, I don’t know if you ran into that, if you like, in any relationship, if you couldn’t get the guy to laugh, was it important to you? It’s very important to me is very important. Yes. If, if someone didn’t appreciate my humor, I have dated like I think in the past, somebody who had not a whole lot of sense of humor, but I had a lot of humor at his expense, that tradeoff, but that didn’t last or so. but yeah, I think it is very important. And, and also what I’ve learned is it’s very important to have someone like the boyfriend, which I never had before in that he is super supportive in my comedy in ways that other people weren’t.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:39:26 Yes. And I’ve got the same now I want. It’s very important to me. Even though, like I said, she doesn’t have to come out to my shows. She’s still aware. She says, look, I know you need to get on stage. I know you love this and you need to do it. She doesn’t want me to do it at every single night, but I have because I do one liners. I remember taking out one woman and we started talking. I told her, I do stand up. She says, oh, what kind of humor do you do? I said, I do one liners, and she says, oh, I don’t like one liners. And in my mind I went, well I guess I won’t be seeing you again. And I didn’t. just like, why, you know now is it important for let’s say, I don’t know if you dated any guys that were funny too.

Leanne: 00:40:11 Yes, I have.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:40:13 Was it important that you be funnier than him or was it a kind of give and take?

Leanne: 00:40:18 Ah, you know, it really would rub me the wrong way because they would act a little bit in superior. Yes. And that, that, that was a little frustrating. Like I don’t think that for me, I don’t, I wouldn’t want to end up with another comedian or even an improv. That person had to be, have the upper hand or be the better person, you know, or get the bigger laughs in the show. And so that was kind of a thing. and I’ve, I, you know, yeah, that was, but yet at the same time that would make for good for a stage chemistry and that’s weird. and I mean it’s. Yeah, it’s different.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:40:57 It is now with a woman I’m dealing with now. Our first few dates she said, you know, I’m funny too. And I went, okay. And she did see some funny things, but after she saw me perform on stage one night, she said, you know, I’m not, I’m not as funny as you and I. That was kind of an interesting thing for her to say, but at the same time it was like, gee, that’s so great that she was honest, you know, I’m glad you came around true. But I used to say to her, do you want to go on stage? Oh, help write your stuff. [inaudible] she offstage. He was very funny. She could ad lib and come up with stuff. She said, no, I just, I don’t think I can do it on stage and my brother is the same way and we all know people that are very funny offstage, but they just can’t do it onstage.

Leanne: 00:41:44 RighT. Well, and that’s the other thing is dated people and they’re like, oh, people tell me I’m funny and that I should be doing standup and I’m just like, I just want to stab you in the eye right now because it’s like, because people take for granted what we do. They don’t see the hours of writing the hours at mike’s all the times we bomb. Correct. All the like it’s a, it’s a science and people just are like, oh, it’s just, you’re just doing that off the cuff all the time. And it’s like, no, we made it look like we’re that and, and, and that. So when people are like, why can I, my friends are telling me I should do, I should do that. That’s like me telling somebody, you know, my doctor, like, you know, I’m pretty good at figuring out what’s wrong with me when I’m not feeling well. I should be a doctor.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:42:32 Let me do surgery. Right. I absolutely agree. I get in my stand up classes, I’ve had a lot of people from, What’s the speakers? although speakers bureau, I can’t reMember the name toastmasters. And they come in and go, oh, well I’m in toastmasters, so comedy should be easy for me and I go home. My big surprise, you know? So yeah, there’s a lot of misconceptions about it.

Leanne: 00:42:59 Another funny thing is I’ve met some people and they’re like, oh, you should do comedy. They don’t know my history, but in talking and you know, they have no, I have my own business. And they’re like, well maybe you should go to toastmasters. And I’m like, no, nothing wrong with toastmasters, toastmasters people. But it’s. Yeah, I agree. And I think that’s the last thing I. Well maybe it could be a great thing. Who knows really work on when you watch tv, which comics do you like? Oh, people ask this all the time. I don’t know how to answer that because we see so many. And you know what? There are. I have to be in a certain mood to watch other comics on cv and then if I’m watching someone else’s like boyfriends, like, hey, let’s watch this, and then I start seeing all of New York and people I know I get really depressed.

Life Lafter Divorce Question of the week ep96Barry Weisenberg: 00:43:46 I can, I can absolutely relate. Is that weird? No, it’s not. It actually makes perfect sense. I grew up, like I said, watching the tonight show and I got. I probably saw every comic that Johnny had. Yeah. But we see so many comics that are funny that aren’t known. Right. And so wE’ll mention that those names and they go, nah, I never, never heard of him. And I go by, you got to go to a club.

Leanne: 00:44:12 Yeah, exactly. And that’s just it. When I think of people that I really admire, it was a lot of people who I saw at mike’s and I didn’t, I didn’t go to their shows, but I would run into him at mike and I’m like, oh my god, that person’s held Larry and there. But to look at other people who’ve got like their comedy central and stuff, I’m like, yeah, they’re great and I them for what

Barry Weisenberg: 00:44:32 they’ve done. But it’s really hard to pick a favorite. I know, I know. I. I do get a little bit jealous when I see someone that companies center. I go, that’s what I want. That’s the worst though is when someone’s. I don’t know if You’ve ever had this, but we’re a. When you’re just getting to know someboDy in your dating and they’re like, I got us tickets to the comedy. Whatever it is, I kill you. I know you do comedy and you’d like this. I bought you tickets and you’re like, that’s where I want it. Exactly. I think. What are the insights? Right? Oh my god. That’s where I want to be. I don’t want to go see signs are performing that night, right? Yeah. Have you ever seen a comic, and I shouldn’t be saying this because I have my nights to have you ever seen a comic not do so well, and you can only talk about how much they kill la.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:45:28 That’s all you hear. No matter who you talk to, you I killed, I killed, are killed, and I go, yeah. You know, someone saw you at the show the other night do, you didn’t exactly do with everybody kills no matter who you know. I don’t know. I just don’t like to say that about any of my sites because I don’t feel like they’re ever perfect. There’s always something that can be better and I’m super self critical of that stage and be like, yeah, I like, it’s nice to be like, you know, I feel good about that set or something like that went well, but I’m always thinking like what was, where was my timing off or my cadence, my pacing or how it’s nice when other comics or other performers come to you and say, that was a great. That’s what I live for. That I absolutely agree, yes, I want the audience slug, but when other comics come up to just make, just I go, that’s why I do and we shouldn’t be that way.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:46:20 Really know. But I, I, I, you know, that’s a really great point because I’m super conscientious of that is when people come off stage and it’s like, it’s, you know, when someone’s giving you like, oh that was great, and then when, so, and I always want to make sure, like when I tell people that I’m honest, but I always feel bad for people when I know that they didn’t do well and they’re not hearing the same kudos because you can just see it on our faces like, oh yeah, I did really bad, but I still go up to everyone who I’m performing with, whether they go great set, loved it. I love it. I’ll take it. I’ll take one joke. They didn’t say it was great. That joke. Make them feel better. You know, there’s always one we can always find one thing that we genuinely liked about somebody and whenever I watch a comedian, whether it’s live or through the internet, that gets the wheels going, man, I can start.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:47:18 I started out and don’t you do it. You start thinking and do jokes. Oh, I do that all the time. And by the time our performance has done, I’ve got like 10 new minutes. Not that we’re ripping it off from the be clear, let’s be clear. No stealing here. What happens is, it’s kind of like listening to music is I feel like we pick up a rhythm and it’s like sitting at a micro show at night as we sit and we listen to the other sets and you can pick up, you can pick up a rhythm, identify jokes, and then when you start working that muscle in your brain, it’s like, oh, this topic. And then you can start applying it. And it’s like your brain starts falling into that beat. Isn’t it amazing how nobody really knows? But every Night there’s some open mic somewhere where You can get on stage and nobody knows that until they see someone make it and they go, oh there he is.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:48:11 Yeah. But it took 20 years. Skoda bad slava.com. Oh yeah, exactly right. And if you’re even thinking about doing comedy, you need to know that website [inaudible] dot com for all the gigs back east. And there’s tons of other open mic.org, there’s tons, but most people don’t know that. And it’s the same with musicians somewhere. Every night is a place where a musician can perform and most people don’t know all the work that goes into this is ours, our man and the self-loathing. Oh yeah. So I’m thinking, you know, all right, so all of this time it’s the same kind of thing. The more we talk about like the self loathing and the hours we spend spinning on these things and ideas is the same with dating. I think going to lose his cookies over here. No clue how I have bombed with women. I never thought I was good looking.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:49:09 I never thought I had it. I was not. I didn’t think I was look good. I was awkward. I felt geeky, I couldn’t talk to women. I was so frustrated. So when a woman would reach out to me, I go, oh my god, I guess I will be in a relationship with her. As long as a woman reached out to meet, that was it. It wasn’t until years later when I said, I want to find someone like this. I was just so grateful going early on because I couldn’t talk to anyone and I was always so envious of gorgeous women. I go, they must just have tons of guys going after them all the time and I was talking to this one woman. She said, I always get tons of guys but not the right guy. And I go, well, how do you. I’m saying, right, like that’s me.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:49:56 No boyfriends. Like, yeah, no. So for me relationships were just. Dating was just, oh my god. And then did. I was trying to be too funny that night and I’d come home and go, oh, I didn’t do this right, and everything that I with that I thought I did wrong, I would just obsess over. Yeah. And it was just dating for me was just not until the internet came along and then I felt, oh my god, I don’t always have to be. Make the first move. Someone else can reach out to me and you know, we’ll, we’ll trade emails and see how it goes. That turned out to be a much better life seem and experience for me.

Leanne: 00:50:34 Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Because I was different. What, what happened?

Barry Weisenberg: 00:50:38 SO because I could hide behind the computer, I didn’t have to. Wasn’t like we were talkinG for the first time. We could warm up, we could get to know each other before we met, if we did meet and I figure, oh, I know enough about her now and she knows enough about me and maybe we have, you know, connection. Then I would meet the person and sometimes it would go, sometimes not, but most of the time it went reallY well. and that’s what led to better dating and I didn’t have to force myself so much. I didn’t have such self self-loathing. I have incrediBle low self esteem. I grew up or if you saw early pictures of me, I had buck teeth. It just looked horrible and people would make fun of me and I thought, oh my god, this is a miserable life. I was beat up in high school constantly. Mostly not by just the teachers but by students. And it was a horrible life. Not until I got to college that I finally start to come out of my shell and I used to say to my brother, I’m just not gonna get any women. He says, in your forties, it’ll start to happen. He was right. It was just amazing and I didn’t even know what I was doing. It just happened.

Leanne: 00:51:47 Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I think back when you were describing yourself as a kid, I had the, I had glasses. They’re always broken, held together with tape, packing tape. I had braces for five years. All that stuff. Kids in the neighborhood picked on me. My mom sewed all my clothes. Mom, those were great clothes, but they probably weren’t the hippest clothes you were wearing, you know, to junior high and that kind of stuff. And yeah, all of that I got picked on a lot. It didn’t change really until high school and then. And then I made an active choice. Yeah. You know, like, but there, there had to be a switch that went on like, right. It’s kind of like one day we were just like, okay, this isn’t gonna happen to me. This can’t be happening to me anymore.

Barry Weisenberg: 00:52:31 Right? So when, because I know so little about women, what, like what goes through a woman’s mind if a guy likes you and he wants to approach you or a guy likes you, what, what happens? Like, what do you think? What do you do? Do you go, oh, I like that guy. I’m going to let them know that I like, how does it work

Leanne: 00:52:51 when a guy likes us or when we like a guy, when you like a guy, we’ll start with that. Well, usually we’re like, okay, could I see myself? Like, how do I see myself with that part? First of all, it’s like, okay, what equality is at attracting me? Like usually it’s, it’s like a sense of humor or the way they are engaged in a conversation. so something like that. And then it’s kind of like, could I see myself with like, you kind of get the vision, like, do I see myself? How do, how do I see myself hanging out with this person? Like compatibility thing I guess, right? I kind of want to laugh and be like, well, I picture us at our wedding and a lot of women do that, right? Like, we don’t we do. It’s like, oh, well, you know, kind of you, we do. We do think of those things and you know, until I met the boyfriend I probably thought of those things more often as like, how do you fit into my life a long term instead of just being like, oh, that’s nice, maybe we’ll go out for coffee and we’ll let you know. This could be an interesting adventure. I didn’t think of it that way all the time, but that’s probably a much healthier way to go about it, you know. Whereas with the boyfriend and I met

Leanne: 00:54:07 brew, we didn’t rush into anything. No, no, it just happened. We just happened. We met at Starbucks

The Boyfriend: 00:54:15 coffee shop as we went out for dinner and it just.

Leanne: 00:54:20 Yeah, yeah. But I made an active effort and I even told him up for you up front, like, I’m not in any hurry. And you were like, all right. And that’s how we rolled. That’s just how it weNt, but before I wasn’t alwaYs like that, you know, I kind of let someone else take charge of the situation and then I would just go along with it because, you know, it’s kind of like my, one of my friends and I used to laugh about it. It’s like, okay, so this puppy comes over and it’s so cute and it’s like wagging its tail. It’s like pet me and were like, oh, you know where that puppy where it’s like, oh, you’re giving me attention, you’re rubbing my belly, you’re stretching my ears. Oh, you’re home. Like I don’t want to be that dog anymore. That’s just stupidly loyal, to someone who maybe is not right for me.

Leanne: 00:55:06 Do you know that there’s guys out there that just want intimacy that just wants sex? Yes. Yeah. Most of us think that, oh, but he’s going to like me more, but it’s not always that way because that’s what I always think. Like I definitely always wants sex, but you have to kind of, you have to make sure that it’s not just about that, but if there’s a connection it could lead to that, but I just, because I don’t know anything about women, that’s why I’m asking all of you guys know what we’re after, right? Yeah, that’s true. And if you don’t know, we’ll let you know, email me but. But yeah, because that’s like a, a animal instinct, right? That’s how we’re wired and it, it probably for men boyfriends step in, but it, does it typically start out that way at first and then evolves into something else? Or does it go in the reverse?

The Boyfriend: 00:56:04 From a man’s perspective? I think it depends on our age, right? Everything. Then as we get older, well probably mortar relationships in that and yeah, so it’s, it’s a, it’s a maturity thing, but age, it’s a maturity thing, but women want sex too,

Leanne: 00:56:24 right? I mean, I think so. I think. I think the drive there is an, and a lot of women may disagree. I mean, I listened to a lot of other podcasts and women talking about this and I think I. It’s funny because I hear a lot of younger people saying I’m there like, and I get it, like if a woman is out for sex, she’s a slut and then. Right, so there is a thing. Right? but at the same time, and I don’t, I agree with that. I don’t think that women should be judged for that because they’re acting and taking their interest to heart. But at the same time I also recognize that a lot of the woman that I know personally, when they try to take that tone at the same time, as much as we want to always be that black and white with it, it’s not that way because that’s just not necessarily the way we’re wired. We still tend to think of things in a deeper level, I think than an emotional level than Amanda’s thank god for that.

Leanne: 00:57:30 Because you know, if it were just met with just the all sex. So thank god for that. And I, and I don’t think that’s a weakness and there might be people who disagree with me and that’s totally fine, but I don’t think being vulnerable and wanting something more is necessarily a weakness and saw it. And I don’t. I also think that after a breakup, you know, this has come up too, and I’ve listened to a lot of different people. I people’s ideas on this, but after a breakup, you know, men, we’ve talked about this boyfriend, a man will typically go out and date someone right away, right? because it’s kind of like a validation of your ego and you still got it. And a woman can do the same thing. Fine. There are times and places for all of that. For me, I found that I did myself in injustice when I did that and just went out and dated again.

Leanne: 00:58:21 I mean, I, I went from one husband right into the next husband. I didn’t even date anybody else in between. and so to me that’s a glaring pitcher of it’s okay to take and it’s actually probably healthy to take time out and grieve that relationship loss. And kind of take some time for introspection and reflection. It doesn’t mean that every single time you go out on two dates and it doesn’t work out, if that’s like take a year off. I mean, that’s not it either. There has to be an appropriate length of time, but I think that it’s okay. Like if you’re in a relationship for five or something years, which I’ve never been in by the way, but for like, you know, two, two to four I think is connie married and dating my husband’s, I probably would have been better served taking time out and really getting in tune with what it was I was looking for and what mistakes I had made and what role I had played in that relationship instead of just saying I made a bad choice because that saying that person was the problem and the problem, they were part of the problem.

Leanne: 00:59:26 But I was the other part. And to take time out and spend. I spent a lot of time dating after my second marriage. It’s been years like over a decade and I’ve learned so much and I’m so glad that I didn’t go into yet a third big, huge relationship that you were ready. I was ready because there were times where I really thought I was ready. I was. I still hadn’t. I still hadn’t learned my lessons and I still hadn’t made those changes

Barry Weisenberg: 00:59:51 when I was in high school, whIch was probably the worst time in my life. Junior high school and high school. I could not. I was terrified of women.

Leanne: 01:00:00 Me too. They were mean. So did you get beat up a lot by other women? Pushed around and stuff? Yeah. You gotta pick the women, do physical violence like that. There was a girl, she. She passed away shortly after high school, but she lived down the street from me and she. She was, she was angry. She came. I think she had some hard times at home, but she was angry at me. She picked on me, called me names all the time. She actually pushed me out into traffic. God, you didn’t get hit, did you know? No, but it scared the crap out of me, you know? I guess she was intimidating. She was threatening. She was bigger than me. I was real little.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:00:39 I’ve been beaten up by guys, but I didn’t think other women. Oh yeah. Oh, it’s so when I see those girls fighting videos on that, that’s not a lie. Those things happen. Those things happen. God, I didn’t know. Girls, you know, you see all these. Not just boys committed suicide, but girls committed suicide. And I went through that. I was beaten up so much. I used to say I just don’t want to live. I used to picture getting a gun and killing them. That’s how violent it is. How angry I was. I didn’t know it got that bad that people commit suicide. Like there’s been young girls who were bullied by other girls at 12. They committed suicide. That is so sad. These

Leanne: 01:01:21 people are, can be cruel, you know, hurt people, hurt people. Thought Johanna said that on our last episode, you know, hurt people end up hurting other people. And so, you know, at that age I think we tend to take things so personally instead of, you know, now that I’m older I can look at it and go, wow, she had a really. She had a lot of problems. It wasn’t about me, but it takes 40 years to get there. So at that age we don’t see it that way. My mom would always say, leanne, you don’t see what I see. Trust me, you know, she’s, she’s not going to be anybody. She’s, she’s doing this and that. At the time I was like, no, you don’t understand. They don’t. Right. But did you say she passed? She did. She actually committed suicide. I think there may have been foul play because she was left-handed and the gun was in the right hand. So it’s very possible there was foul play there. But I remember when my mom told me about that and she was like, I think you should sit down. I have some news for you. And she told me and I was

Leanne: 01:02:25 sad that it happened. But at the same time I’m like, all right. And she’s like, you’re not upset. I’m like, she was, she was mean to me. And I’m not surprised at ms in retrospect. Now I see it happening. It’s a horrible thing.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:02:43 And you know, nobody seems like nobody can do anything about it. But you’re right. Now you look, you know, years, years later you look back. Yeah, she had a lot of problems that obviously. So,

The Boyfriend: 01:02:53 but it’s hard for. It’s hard to go through it when you’re on, when you’re on the end of taking it and taking it and you don’t feel self worth, it takes away from yourself worth at that point. And it’s difficult. So how did you get through it?

Barry Weisenberg: 01:03:06 It was tough. I get beaten out of them, out of me constantly and I hated it. And that one point I actually went to a, one of the coaches are for football, because he also taught one of the PE classes and I said, hey, could you do something about these guys? They’re just not leaving me alone. And he actually did. Oh wow. And I remember many years later, after I graduated from high school, I saw one of them and he came up to me and I said, what the hell you want? He says, you know, I want to apologize for the way I treated you. And I went, why couldn’t you be like that then? And it’s like they don’t realize it until years later. And then they look back. But his apology didn’t make it any better. I just thought it was very cruel.

Leanne: 01:03:48 The damage has already been done, had been done. And think about that. Like how much does that play a role in your dating?

Barry Weisenberg: 01:03:54 Oh, and I, you know, it’s not like it’s they were after me because of my teeth and because the way I looked and that just made it worse. And you know, that’s why dating for so long for me was just I’ll wait for someone else to reach out to me. I’m too afraid. And there were a couple times where I asked ladies out and you know they said no and I bombed, you know? And I went home and I wrote new jokes

Leanne: 01:04:18 about them,

Barry Weisenberg: 01:04:23 about them, and I got back at them on paper. I did date a comedian, I won’t mention her name, I did date. The only time I dated a comedian was a year. The first six months with absolutely incredible. Then we had a falling out and I wouldn’t give up in the last six months was horrIble. and it was, you don’t most, you said something earlier. So true. There’s nobody 100 percent to blame, right? We’re all, you know. And I, I’m at least 50 percent to blame in all my relationships. That didn’t work. And on that one, probably more so past 50 percent. I know the things I did, but you know, you can’t be perfect in life. You have to. Sometimes you just reach out and see what happens. If it doesn’t go, it doesn’t go that way.

The Boyfriend: 01:05:06 Just being on stage. You learn from it, you learn from it, you changed the way you go about it and you get better.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:05:12 And she had absolutely agree and she had a lot of problems and I knew this going in and I in my mind and I said, okay, I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna fall in love, I’m not going to fall in love. And I did and then I ruined it. So. But I wasn’t the only one that ruined that. She played a part in it too. But we never, I’ll never date another. And now I’m with someone even though she is funny. She’s not a standup comic. So, I’ve gotten out of that bubble.

Leanne: 01:05:40 That’s good. Yeah. Yeah, that’s probably a good thing. I’m kind of curious because I’ve heard your writing and your jokes and everything. And was there a time where you wrote about your relationships or ever brought that into your comedy?

Barry Weisenberg: 01:05:55 Someone? One of my frIends because I just write for what hits me. Yeah, don’t specifically write, but I write for the things, like I read a lot of sex jokes because some guy, a friend of mine, not a comic, did an analysis of all my jokes that I’d written this as about 15 years ago. He said 18 percent or about your family, another 12 percent are about this non dating and 70 percent is about sex and relationships and went, wow. I think there’s a, an issue there. So while I don’t sit down to specifically, right, yes. It’s constantly on my mind and now I always write about the imaginary ex girlfriend. It’s not about any one. It’s about a conglomeration of all of them. And then I can write something about it, but it’s not about any one person.

Leanne: 01:06:46 Yeah. I always find that interesting because I always write, see, because I totally appreciate your jokes because you, you look at the world and make observations and then plug it in and you’re the king of one liners as you are called. And and I totally respect and appreciate that because that is a skill in itself. And then it’s like, okay, I want to do some of those. But then whenever I sit down and I write for me, like even in our writing group, things will come up. I’m like, I can’t do that because it’s not true to write. I can’t write it unless it really is about me. Is that weird? Oh,

Barry Weisenberg: 01:07:25 that’s the way I absolutely agree with you because that’s the way stand up is I’ve, I’ve gone through so many comedy teachers that tried to get me to stop writing one liners and do observational and I just thought the same thing. I go, but that’s not who I am. And when I did try it, it came out as fake and he says, well you just have to keep at. I go, but I don’t feel it. It’s exactly. You’re exactly correct. You can’t force someone else to do and that’s why with my students I work within their style. I don’t tell them what to what to be and you’re writing is just so super, so incredible. I wouldn’t want you to change it. She was like a short narrative joke years, the one liner, but she’s still writing jokes, but like you said, it’s in the form of a narrative and thank god you write jokes because so many. how many comics have we seen that take 20 minutes? Oh yeah. To get to a point and I go, couldn’t you just narrow it?

Leanne: 01:08:19 Exactly. You don’t need this. You need to explain your job then it’s not a joke. Like get like your joke should be easy and clear.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:08:28 Right? And that’s why I’m so glad I met you because I’ve learned a lot from you. Your joke, writing it, the way you worded is just superb. and I, I want to be able to see us for this podcast. I want you to get to the laugh factory. I want you to make it. I want you to because you are phenomenal. You were just a brilliant comic and I want people to see you and make it. You were unbelievably great and I don’t even have to see your set to know that from the way you do your material on Monday. Oh my god. If, if the right person gets to see you, you’ll be off and running.

Leanne: 01:09:02 Thank you. S

Barry Weisenberg: 01:09:03 o wanted to get that in. So don’t edit that. I want that to be in there because you’re really embarrassed. But that’s how good you are.

Leanne: 01:09:17 Thank you.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:09:18 But you’re an amazing writer. And all those years that you put time in in New York, all the shows you did everything, it shows in your writing is a product of all those years and it’s just great. You could write for anyone. Your boyfriend is correct. You should, you could not only be a great performer but a terrific writer for anyone. So something to think about.

Leanne: 01:09:40 I’m going to give it some thought. Give it some thought. You actually said one other thing that I want to round circle. Circle back to as they say in business circle back to which was a. Oh wait. Okay. So I want to circle back to the thing where you said about the me too. Movement and dating and when we’re talking to other women, and we ended up talking about it in a lot of comedy terms, but somebody had mentioned this to me the other day, like who’s normally used to kidding around with women and they’re usually okay with it and now suddenly something shifted. And I’m like, I wouldn’t necessarily chalk it all up to you. I think that as, as a society, we’re all becoming super aware of these things, so when we do date and when we do talk to each other, our conversations are evolving as a result of that I think is a direct reflection of what’s going on.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:10:33 that’s a good thing or not. You don’t want to see. We’re going to find out they are evolving. I absolutely agree. It’s a great statement.

Leanne: 01:10:39 So in the, In the dating world, and I think even in a in marriages, I’m guessing these topics are gonna come up because not only we’re seeing that on tv as a conversation, but then to turn and look at one another and how do we talk to each other and what does that really mean to me because maybe we accepted things for a long time. You know, I used to work in home building and construction and so I worked out in the trailer every day with my team and so as I heard it all, but I also contributed to all of that. Like I, when I think of the things we talked about and stuff, You know, but I wanted to fit in exactly as they were my friends and we all trusted each other and everything I know is w, you know, I’m grateful for that experience, but I look back that situation today with fly because we would all look at it

The Boyfriend: 01:11:31 definitely a cultural shift. It’s a cultural shift. But if you look at our history of our country, things that happened in the 18 hundreds don’t go and things in the 19 20th. And we’re at a different. We’ve, we’ve evolved and now women now have a, that’s probably the better, the good way to put it. But women, women are more prominent in our society and the way we interact with women have changed. It’s not, it’s not mad men of the sixties anymore. It’s a, it’s, it’s a very different atmosphere which is good. And now we have to adapt the way we talk to each other and the way we interact with each other to make sure that this all fits. And like you saId, it may not, it may not be where we end up, but we have to go through this to find out what. We’re going to wear it though.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:12:15 Yeah, and In another five years we’ll look back and we won’t be the same that we are today. It will shift again, similar to what you were saying. I worked with a woman at a hospital and she was just absolutely gorgeous and I never hooked up with her. She, she wanted someone else other than me, but we used to constantly trade sex jokes constantly to the point where she would sometimes do more and we’re just comfortable with each other because that’s the way it was. And I was starting to do stand up and she knows It and we had other friends in the are included in our conversation and everything was just coming from your right. That could never happen again.

The Boyfriend: 01:12:51 Someone overhears that. No.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:12:53 It could happen outside of work, but no at work. Nope, no more. Right. But who knows? Maybe the will turn. Maybe the pendulum will swing back the other way. People are going to go, okay, we’re too serious now as a society I think it’s okay to back off a little bit and maybe be, you know, what he knows that might change.

Leanne: 01:13:13 Well, and also I think it was maybe a time and a place for things you know, and that everybody has their different levels of what’s okay and what’s not and it’s having that conversation, which I don’t think we ever had before. I agree, you know, and agree. Conversations are healthy to have and that’s how we grow. So

Barry Weisenberg: 01:13:30 you the same thing with race. There’s a lot of discomfort right now because we never really had that conversation before. We just let things slide and now we’re having it and we’re going through a tough period. It will finally resolve itself. It might take years, but it’s going to resolve itself sooner or later and we can all hopefully go back to being friends.

Leanne: 01:13:52 Yeah. And then the other thing I’m finding from these conversation is I’m learning a lot and I find out how ignorant I was on so many things going back to, you know, because we were raised a certain way. We, that’s all we know. And then so in dating and marriages and relationships in the real world, in business, whatever it is, as we evolve and grow, I look back and I’m like, oh my god, I know, you know, like, wow,

Barry Weisenberg: 01:14:18 same here.

Leanne: 01:14:19 So there’s growth never happens in a comfortable place.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:14:22 Correct. Yeah. You have to go through some tough times to get to the good times and we will. Yeah. But, um,

Leanne: 01:14:29 so there’s discomfort and knowing that we’re in this place, I feel like Bobby Brady hanging from the swing set trying to, trying to get taller. Do you remember that episode?

Barry Weisenberg: 01:14:38 In my junior high school and my math class was the girl maureen mccormick.

The Boyfriend: 01:14:44 Really?

Barry Weisenberg: 01:14:44 Yeah. In junior high school. I went to huge junior high school and she went, she was in the class at the same time. She was on the Brady bunch.

Leanne: 01:14:52 Really?

Barry Weisenberg: 01:14:52 Yeah.

Leanne: 01:14:53 Oh my gosh.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:14:54 She was a celebrity and everybody kissed her,

The Boyfriend: 01:14:56 Marsha, Marsha, Marsha

Barry Weisenberg: 01:14:58 and I was afraid to talk to her because oh, she was a slut.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:15:02 She’s a celebrity. I didn’t know how to, but everybody kissed her button. I don’t know.

Leanne: 01:15:09 That’s why she’s not in comedy.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:15:11 That’s right. Exactly right, and that’s why I am.

Leanne: 01:15:15 It’s been a wonderful conversation.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:15:18 I really appreciate you allowing me to do this

Leanne: 01:15:22 Likewise, I’m so glad that that you agreed to this and kind of unknowingly I’m like, hey, be on her podcast.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:15:28 I was terrified before I came here and now maybe we could schedule a time to do another part till I have so much more that I want to say and so much more of a comedy that we didn’t get to, so who knows, but thank you very, very much. You asked great questions and just one more time. You’re a phenomenal comedian.

Leanne: 01:15:46 I’m giving him a check after this podcast.

Barry Weisenberg: 01:15:49 Thank you again.

Leanne: 01:15:50 Thank you.

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