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Episode 076: Divorce Diaries
Episode 76: Divorce Diaries with special guest Michele Traina
Meet Michele Traina a stand up comic, actor, writer and creator of Divorce Diaries Show which she has performed at Caroline’s on Broadway in NYC.
Michele was performing right out of college and met her husband in between gigs. She went to grad school and got a masters in education. After she was married she wasn’t feeling fulfilled. They were married for five years and she felt she tried her best. She had her daughter in 2012 and was divorce in 2015. She wasn’t happy and wanted to be fair as possible and end it before it went down the path of cheating and lying. She wanted to be on the up and up of it all. She finally feels back to her old self. She has a theater company, does stand up, and created the Divorce Diaries show.
16:51 Michele and her husband were living together after a year and were engaged after two years. She laughs because it was her idea for him to propose to her. Her ex-husband was her first real relationship which she realizes added to the problem. Michele really wanted to get married and mentioned it to him. He proposed a few years later. She was married at 27 after a year and a half engement.
19:00 Michele felt she did a lot of growing and changing during her 20’s. They moved, changed jobs, and finishing grad school. Michele started connecting with a co-worker at her new job and she thought something was wrong. She’s a very outgoing person, but a lot of that went away when she was with her husband. Michele didn’t want to make her husband feel insecure. But as a result she hid away a lot of her personality and started to feel unfulfilled.
21:23 Michele and her co-worker worked at a charter school. He turned into a close friend, but they texted a lot. She believes that if you’re married you probably shouldn’t be texting that much. Eventually, she felt a shift and her feelings began to change. Michele suddenly realized that she didn’t even want her husband to touch her at night.
23:21 Michele’s husband went through her phone and saw all the texts. He knew something was up so he went through her computer and her journal. Unfortunately, Michele had written some personal feelings about the co-worker and her husband was immediately upset. Her husband threatened to leave her but she didn’t want a divorce. They went to therapy. The therapist said it was normal for people to have these feelings, but not act on it. This continued for three years.
25:23 Michele and her husband decided to get pregnant hoping things would get better. They did for a while, but then things got worse again after the baby was born. Michele was unhappy. Her husband didn’t really play a major role as a partner and dad after the baby was born. There was a point where he was frustrated about the lack of intimacy.
27:15 Michele’s needs weren’t being met and she felt very disconnected from her husband. They separated after her husband became very angry. Michele asked for the separation. She was afraid to be around him because of his anger. She did have to call the police the day before she moved out. He started punching holes in the boxes. Their daughter was really sick with the flu and that didn’t even stop.
29:25 Their daughter wasn’t doing well and Michele was trying to get help for her. She wasn’t talking and having some potential developmental delays. They had to short-sell their home. There was so much going on! Michele was teaching part-time and starting her theater company. Everything was happening at once and Michele thought it was best to leave. It turns out it was the best decision she ever made.
30:45 She filed for divorce and dismissed it a month later. Their daughter needed therapy for her developmental issues. Michele tried so hard to make it work. She lost the $1000 deposit on the lawyer.
32:13 Michele decided to move forward with the divorce. She texted her husband to let him know and then they talked. He was angry and didn’t want to talk to her for a while. She doesn’t feel he was a very good communicator, but the relationship was suffering more from lack of emotional intimacy. They had very different personalities. Michele was much more outgoing and he was the extreme opposite. They also had much different ideas of how to raise a child. There was a mutual connection and comfort, but way too many important differences in other areas.
36:18 Going forward Michele doesn’t want to have to compromise her needs to make someone else happy. She doesn’t want to have to sacrifice her friends and support group again. She likes having a social life and not being isolated.
38:55 Will Smith has a great video about feeding your flame. Michele watches this video everyday. This is how she wants to live her life. She believes her partner should go 110% to make it work. She’s happy to have her friends back in her life.
37:40 Michele is so glad to have her best friend in her life again. When she got married she thought it was wrong to have a male best friend so they drifted apart. Leanne and Michele talk about the importance of friends and networking, especially in the acting world. We want to be supported and it’s often hard for a significant other to do that. Michele wants to make to sure she doesn’t want give it all up again. She wants to make sure she shares her life with the people who feed her flame. Than you Will Smith!
40:19 Why is it we change our focus (slowly over time) as we get deeper into a relationship? Maintaining our independence can become challenging. It covers emotional, spiritual, financial, and physical space. People should be complimenting or adding to what we have, not depleting our resources.
43:00 Michele is happy. It’s you that’s taking some happiness away from me.
44:00 Michele tries to abide by Will Smith’s advice, but she keeps getting distracted by new relationships. She jumps in with both feet. Michele is not into casual dating and she’s looking for someone willing to do the same. She’s still learning. She has been dating and things haven’t been working out and she’s gotten hurt.
47:15 Michele wants someone who texts her everyday. She believes that if they’re not texting her, they’re not committed and they could care less. This is a dealbreaker. She admits she needs a lot of attention and if someone can’t give that to her, then he’s not the right one for her. She feels the same about her business partners and friends.
49:56 Texting is very important to her. She believes she is worthy of that and that someone should be doing that every day from the beginning. Michele juggles two jobs and is raising a single daughter. She wants someone to put in the effort and and contacting her every day. If someone isn’t doing that then she’s not interested. She gives a lot to someone and expects nothing less in return. She also admits that if someone doesn’t call when they say they will that they’re with someone else.
52:15 She doesn’t feel that someone ever does it too much. She had a recent relationship with someone and they talked all the time and it was easy. If it feels too much, then it’s not right. She’s familiar with love bombing and narcissist, but it’d be hard to tell. She only wants to be with a man if she feels connected with him. She doesn’t want to have sex with just anyone. It’s not about looks, it’s about what’s inside and the emotional connection that makes things about 1,000 times better.
57:32 Now that she’s dating, she’s feeling exhausted. Maybe she doesn’t have time for this. She wants to focus on her career. Dating is a lot of work. She doesn’t think the men she’s dated have accepted her for who she is. Her ex boyfriend never even clarified after months of dating if he was her boyfriend or not. She wants someone who doesn’t have to remind someone to pay attention to her. Some men won’t even go see her show and that really bothers her. It’s insulting and hurtful.
Michele Traina’s show Divorce Diaries will be Saturday, August 11, 2018, 10:00pm at Gaucho’s Comedy Lounge 135 North Maryland Avenue, Glendale, California.
Tweet: “There are so many reasons to not show up…When somebody wants something, they move mountains.” Michele Traina ep 76 #divorce #relationships #dating #single #singlemom #coparenting #lafterthoughts #lifelafterdivorce
Tweet: “I’d rather date somebody that has children, because they understand what it means to be a parent. Or if they don’t have children, they want children.” Michele Traina ep 76 #divorce #podcast #dating
Tweet: Surround yourself with those who feed your flame! https://youtu.be/fh99xC1qtA0 #WillSmith #inspire #support #positivity #divorce #relationships #selfcare
Tweet: To text or not to text. How much do you need someone to text you in a day? #wantsandneeds #texting #relationships #expectations #dependence #validation #insecurities #pastexperience #divorce #marriage #single #dating
Tweet: Expectations are resentments in disguise #relationships #divorce #marriage #reality #expectations #resentments #selfcare #insecurities
Will Smith – Feed Your Flame: https://youtu.be/fh99xC1qtA0
Instagram: @divorcediariesshow @micheletraina