Episode 070: The Bride & The Best Man
Episode 070: The Bride & The Best Man with special guests Misty, Chris, and Glenn
Leanne: 00:00:08 Welcome to episode 70. I am your host, Leanne Linsky and I’m the boyfriend. Welcome back to another wonderful week of divorce, but before we jump in, let’s make sure we rate, review and subscribe. So while you’re out there today and get her done, tell us how much you love us. Why not? Why wouldn’t you? And while you’re out there checking out the website at life. Laughter, divorce.com. So boyfriend, I’m really excited about this because this is part two of.
The Boyfriend: 00:00:36 Well just a continuation, part two. Part two have to move. It hurt that their, their, their experiences, their life, how they got to where they are to where they are now is is. I’m wondering, even put it as part, it’s just they’ve got this section where you hear about Chris, do you have this section about the marriage of misty and then and then her realization where we’re at right now is her marriage and how she figures out what she really wants.
Leanne: 00:01:10 So we have sections a, B and c and we’re now in the c section.
The Boyfriend: 00:01:15 Boo, boo.
Leanne: 00:01:18 Oh, that was a joke just for Glenn, Chris and Misty and all of you listeners. And the other side note that I have for this particular episode you guys know that I have everyone’s attention is that I don’t know about you, but as boyfriend and I have been talking about this for the past couple of weeks with these particular sections, um, Chris and misty are now known as Christie, like Brangelina or benefit for, or are there any other that’s all her. That’s not me. So if you hear me say Christie, it’s Chris and misty. And then of course there’s Glen who is also in this episode and the previous two episodes. So I think where we left off last time in episode 69 is will misty and her ex make it. And what becomes of Chris, the bridesmaid and a bottle of crown,
The Boyfriend: 00:02:12 one of them is going to be finished off.
Leanne: 00:02:15 We’re going to find out right now. So pull up a comfy chair, grab your favorite beverage or a snack and get ready to listen to Kristy, Kris, misty, England. Without further ado, again, he was Jewish and they, we had, you know, you break the glass in the, in the bag, her maid of honor in a fit of brilliance, ran across the street and bought a bottle of crown royal to get the purple so that he can
Chris: 00:03:00 break the glass in the back and have a bag so they leave and whatever room we had for the bride or bridesmaids, whatever her bride’s, her maid of honor and I went into this room together, basically switched into our skin, like just pj’s. We cracked open this bottle of crown and we spent the next four hours just bitching. We just vented to each other after the wedding. After the wedding. Really on the agenda?
Misty: 00:03:28 No, no. It was his agenda.
Chris: 00:03:30 They had gone to do whatever and she poured ourselves a couple of doubles of whiskey and we’re like after the reception or after the reception that night and were like, they are doomed. Really? Yeah. We were like, this is, have you ever like. And we just shared every story. Like if you ever tried to talk to her and talked to him, well they weren’t listening, they didn’t care and, and we just kind of told every story that we’d ever had of, of every interaction that we saw. And we were just like, how long do you think the last
Misty: 00:04:00 Paleo whole bunch of bridesmaids and grooms. No, I know it’s like a train wreck that we didn’t know how to stop. He didn’t, they didn’t understand. Do you know you, you expect your friends to say now you’re with a bad person. You really should not have this relationship. You should move on if there’s somebody else. But um, when, when you live in the south and you, you know, you’re leaving, you’re an introvert. In my head I’m still like, well, I can handle this. He’ll, he’ll change, you know, we’ll have better discussions when we’re married. Da Da de da. Oh no, that’s not what happened. But you know, my friends, they tried and I just didn’t listen. Um, I don’t know if anybody talked to, you know, talk to your ex. Yeah. So,
Chris: 00:04:59 well, the other part of that is that I at the time was closer to him than I was to you. You, I’ve known you longer but you and I hadn’t really become really close friends and I would bring up the arguing but part of me was thinking that he argues with everybody, right. Like I didn’t really understand the depth to which she was affected because he was like this to me, he was just an ass. He would pick fights with our. We have a friend who lives in London now who is like really posh kind of Whoa. He’s a bomb avant and he’s been this way since he was in his twenties and he had a whole like, upper shelf in, in our twenties in college. $100 bottles of Scotch and Cognac and things. And her ex was like, oh, all that stuff. Do you have up there?
Chris: 00:05:45 You piss my father’s got better stuff than that. And our friend was just like, oh, that’s great. I’m really happy for your father, you know, like whatever. Um, so he was like, that was a lot of people. So I mean, I brought, I brought stuff up to him about it, but I was also part of like me feeling like this is none of my business, you know, and not quite realizing just the degree until it was too late because I don’t think I realized how bad it was until a year after you were married, when we all went to Colorado.
The Boyfriend: 00:06:17 That’s back to what you said before is you’re the guy interactions find your show, but you didn’t realize that their relationship was like that the whole time. And that’s, and that’s no way to have a relationship and I’ll turn it over to Leah and their relationship expert on this, but that’s not how it should be
Chris: 00:06:36 though. You had mentioned misty that like your parents’ relationship was kind of a model of what you had and they argued a lot. So they argued a lot. You, I’m guessing that maybe you thought, well this is normal and this is to be expected or relationship,
Misty: 00:06:49 right? Yeah. And My, um, my mom and my Stepdad, so actually I’m gonna eventually my mom and my stepdad and my half brother moved to California. And um,
Misty: 00:07:08 when, uh, um,
Misty: 00:07:11 when I went out to visit them with, with my ex, um, I know they were bickering, bickering, bickering, and I’m like, why is she putting up with this? And then it dawned on me, why the fuck am I putting up with this? Is this the exact same shit that, that my ex would do to me? And it was like, that was kind of Dean moment for me.
Misty: 00:07:34 Mm. So,
The Boyfriend: 00:07:37 so you got married and then how long did, how long did it last?
Misty: 00:07:41 Yeah. So this is the, this is the very seedy part. This is the very seedy part of that. The story of Jerry Springer portion. Uh, so get ready podcast listeners. Here comes everybody, take a pause, very white, go to the bathroom, grab a glass of wine. So Chris has moved out to California. This is a year later, let’s say. So you’ve only been married. I’ve been married a year. Two years. Oh, well let’s go back to the one year first. Okay. Colorado on our one year anniversary, that’s when my ex’s parents are moving their stuff to Colorado that their retirement home. The second home that you know, they were going to use during the summers because there were still, you know, university professors, they, yeah, they um, they uh, um, you know, have the summers off basically. He, you know, he, he had enough tenure that he didn’t have to do any summer classes or anything like that. So they were, they were looking to this as, first of all, like a second home, you know, for the summers, plus it’s going to be where they retire and I assume at this point they’re living there now. I’m full time, but I’m. So we’re moving. Chris is helping. Um, my sister is with us. She’s helping. She just graduated high school. Um, and
The BF & group: 00:09:18 your sister Chris and his helping his family moved to the Big Caravan. Colorado will help you move in between the two in the year between the marriage in this first year anniversary. Moving them up. You guys are still friends? Hung out all the time and yeah.
Misty: 00:09:40 Yeah. Well, yeah, because I was in Grad school at the time, so, or I just finished my coursework in Grad school. I think
Chris: 00:09:48 by then you were officially both down in college station. I remember coming down and visiting. We saw star wars episode one and I bought a new car. I mean I bought an old beat up car and we were still very much hanging out.
Misty: 00:10:00 Just kind of going back and forth. Boyfriend is excited. You’re watching star
Chris: 00:10:04 of course on the way through Dallas to go to Colorado. They basically picked me up and I rode shotgun in this minivan or a moving van
Misty: 00:10:18 and we had, it was our first anniversary and we had kept the top of the cake, you know, so like we all had a piece of the cake was actually really good because mine was actually really good. We did it. Yeah, it wasn’t bad. It was basically what you do is you like rap it really good and then freeze it. Yeah. And his parents had like a really good deep freeze. So freeze it and then you read x on
Leanne: 00:10:50 in your freezer. Okay.
Misty: 00:10:54 Pizza rolls. Okay, cool. Um, so yeah, we ate the cake and then I’m headed out to Colorado. Um, when we had finished unloading the moving van, it was up to the four of us, the, the, yes, the 20 somethings and the 18 year old to a take the u haul back to where it needed to go. So at the time Carl’s Jr was like my favorite place to go when we left Texas because there were no call Carl’s Jr’s in texts all the time. Now it’s, it’s, it’s everywhere, but they have the,
Glenn: 00:11:39 just tell listeners that in case they ever go to college station, nowhere to get water birth.
Misty: 00:11:44 Well you don’t want to go to water burgers. And in Texas Water Burger, that’s all one word. It’s water water. Burger street’s pretty good. But anyway, so yeah, Carl’s junior, we had to go to Carl’s Jr. Well basically my ex and I were fighting the entire time to take the u haul back to where it needs to go. So We had stopped at carl’s jr so that we can have lunch. I’m chris and my sister get out of the car and they’re like, we’re going into a meeting. We were like, we just needed some quiet. Um, and, and we continued our argument in the, in the van. Uh, finally we can, I think probably 30 minutes our layer,
Chris: 00:12:29 but do you remember, because I remember having this conversation with you is you chewed him out to the point because she, she had had it, she would have it with the, with his style of arguing and the, you know, not relenting. She finally said something to the effect of this needs to stop or I will hire a lawyer and I will get divorced. She was like, I cannot take this anymore.
Misty: 00:12:53 Yeah, I was, you know, we, we had talked about marriage counseling and he refused to go to marriage counseling because his mother was a psychologist, so he knew every, all the tricks that the psychologists do. And is there a tricky. They’re tricky. They met whatever. So they’d nod. Yeah. He wouldn’t even go to a counselor. She felt defeated and we finally, you know, we’re hungry. Went, went into carl’s jr, got her food. You never left the car. Oh, he didn’t. I’ve ever learned.
Chris: 00:13:29 She came in, we were eating and I, before she came in, I told your sister, don’t get married, and she went and you finally came in and he sat in the car the entire time and I went out eventually and I go, hey, do you want anything? And he’s like, I’m not, I’m not feeling good. It’s like he knew, I think he knew that he crossed the line.
Misty: 00:13:51 Yeah. So, um, you know, we drop off that you home head back to the house and
Chris: 00:13:58 most of that trip was him arguing and yelling at his parents. He was just like a good spot just at each other’s throats. And it was really him, I think. I think he really needed to have it out with his parents a long time ago and he never really figured out how to do that in the right way, in a healthy way.
Misty: 00:14:17 Not to get me in the middle of it because the pizza place story that happened a year before, um, where he just yelled at his and sulked off and then, you know, I’m, they’re stuck. Awkward lee with his parents who I, you know, they were intimidating so it especially to me, so I’m not that they didn’t like me, they liked me, they didn’t come with me, it was just, it was uncomfortable for me to be just sitting there with his parents and him and my ex husband havIng off and just in the middle of a winter storm, walking back to the hotel,
Chris: 00:14:56 our trip when we went to court, when I was there with them in Colorado, it was again another one of those situations where his father had nothing but great things to say about me, which just agitated his son unnecessarily. Just, you know, poking them
Misty: 00:15:14 and he, I don’t think he really knew what he was doing. He, but, you know, it, it affected my ex husband is a psychologist. She shouldn’t be like, hey, don’t do that. There are some psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, who I feel, um, get into that
Misty: 00:15:35 job because they need their own to figure out, trying to figure out their own others not exactly. There’s relationships out there worse than their right. Here’s a good example is that, um, she specialized in her graduate work on geriatrics and her, um, her father was, um, had alzheimer’s and she could not handle, I mean, like she did all the wrong things with her father that a person account, a psychologist was specialization in geriatrics and alzheimer’s patients would not ever tell you to do like remember this, remember this, remember that, you know, showing pictures, remember this, and the person making them,
Chris: 00:16:26 like those types of people. My father is similar because he was a social worker and it’s kind of like, as long as it’s not close to home, they’re really good at it. Once it’s in there, once it gets close to their own emotional, once they have an emotional state
Misty: 00:16:41 blinders, they can’t handle it well. okay. So you guys did this trip to Colorado and then how long after this was your, when you decided your aha moment? So that, that, I think that was brilliant. My aha moment, um, and really my, like my ultimatum. Um, but I waS kind of stuck because I had just finished grad school or I hadn’t finished grad school at the time. I’m still hot. Yeah, I, well I finished the coursework, had to do my thesis. Yeah. Um, so, uh, and, and that ended up being an issue too. But, um, he basically, he finished his degree, got ’em,
Speaker 5: 00:17:30 um,
Misty: 00:17:32 got his music education degree. And his big thing was he wanted to move back to college station again, like a narcissist that I learned from your podcasts. He took me away from my family unit, from my friends and my support group. He took me away from that support unit that I had. Um, I had, my master’s was in international relations. I was, you know, trying to finish my thesis three hours away from the university that I was getting my thesis from. Um, so I didn’t. And this is again before internet really took off and you Could get access to libraries and things online to get journal articles. And so he was taking me away from that. I’m into his comfort zone, a because he wanted to teach with his former band director. And he kind of went out of his way to subtly convince her, eh, you don’t need that.
Misty: 00:18:36 Got her in. Didn’t you start doing, you started working kind of in his field. Well, so what happened was I, I’ve never been without a Job when I was in grad school, I, I worked either for like 40 hours for sally beauty supply, um, the corporate office. It wasn’t done. And then, um, I was able to get a teaching assistant job, so I was technically working. I was making money. I was able to get through my coursework and all of that. Um, and then had to move to college station and again, three hours away. Right. Um, so what can you do in college station Texas with a master’s degree? I didn’t even have the masters yet. The bachelor’s degree In political science. Absolutely fucking nothing.
Misty: 00:19:36 Political science. I could have answered that. No anywhere park anywhere. You want a liberal arts degree. I teach science. It’s a liberal arts degree is good for, for, you know, just general jobs. Just having the degree itself was probably beneficial. But in college station there’s no way I’m getting a job with a baChelor’s degree in political science because the only thing there is really texting him. You have to have a doctorate in order to be a professor. So I’m still not finished with my master’s even. So I ended up, I started out teaching flute lessons and substitute teaching at the schools. That’s a big difference than what you set out to be doing. It is. I know, granted I actually had some experience. I was a music major for a little while. Um, so I did have that experience. I did teach flute, um, for maybe a year before I decided to do political science and I’m a.
Misty: 00:20:51 So here I am teaching flute and the reason why I got out of music education in college because I really do not like children for now. So yeah, it was like, you know, what else am I going to do? I substitute taught, I got, I got paid $50 a day to substitute teach and then I low balled my lesson speed because I was young and inexperienced technically. So I got paid $12, a half hour lesson. Wow. With very few students. So I was really dependent on, on my ex to make all the money in college station. He was making good money, plus we were living in his grandmother’s house. She had already, it was completely paid for. She had moved in with his parents in a, like kind of a attached caseta type thing. I’m a mother in law room, uh, basically. So in college station, Texas.
Misty: 00:21:56 This is college station in Texas. So, um, so you’re living. I’m living in a house with like four bedrooms. Yeah. I think I have four or five bedrooms and it was a big house. Um, and in a nice area, college station was actually not bad unless it was a football game day and then it was psycho. But um, you know, not being an aggie, I felt out of place really out of place. Um, but you know, I, I did, you were in your element or anything but you were very well taken care of. So you were in a position where you weren’t financially independent. right. So leaving was kind of out of the question exactly. And so, uh, you know, a year has gone by and I’m miserable. I’m teaching flute a buy I think. I think the next year, so two years into the marriage I had started teaching flute all day.
Misty: 00:23:03 Basically the Way that they do things in college station as they do sectionals for days a week. So you know, they have somebody teaching the fluids, they have somebody teaching the clarinet. I have, you know, basically, you know, they don’t bring the whole band together until friday. I’m just to work on that music. So they hired me as a consultant for $50 a day to teach flutes that all the schools, because all the band directors, there’s college station is a small town. There’s only one high school. Um, there were two middle schools and two intermediate schools. And my ex was the director at the intermediate school, but he, they all went to all the schools so that they could do these sectionals
Misty: 00:23:46 but they didn’t have a flute person. So they,
Misty: 00:23:48 they hired me as a consultant to do flirt. So I’m start literally like dependent on my ax for my job. So you’re depending on him for everything. Everything that you’re living in, everything that you’re working for, everything. so that’s changed in chris. Chris? Yes. Chris is raising his hand again. He wants to chime in.
Chris: 00:24:08 So around 2000 is when a couple of other things happen. Your mother moves to California, right. Needs to be a few hours away. And now in California. And then I moved to California. I was another one who would come visit them occasionally and I remember going down and the guy’s buying a car. Um, it does bring you. Thanks glen. Glen said he’s not relevant. I am relevant case you didn’t hear me. So. But know that I think that exacerbated it because when you they would come out to visit California to visit her mother and they would make a whole trip out of it and see me as well. That’s when I first started seeing her again, that that same kind of face she made the day of her wedding where she was just kind of staring off into space because we would, they would plan all these very extravagant, not extravagant, but go to san francisco, go to wine country, go to the aquariums, all this stuff, that room and visit. Um, her mother, her mother and stepfather and her brother who was, he was fourth grade at the time. And her visible misery is something I started noticing even more and more. JUst kind of checking out.
Leanne: 00:25:28 Yeah. So. Okay. So you’re starting to see it. You’ve been in, in
Leanne: 00:25:33 college town.
Leanne: 00:25:36 I’m calling it college town university, the university place, ya know, college station. You’ve been there for awhile. So we’re, so now you’re seeing like you’re kind of dependent on him completely. He’s put you in a place where you’re away from all of your support systems, your families and your friends have moved away. What happens? We’re, where is this breaking point? So august. Yes. I’m mr man with august.
Chris: 00:26:05 Yes. Picks rates. Uh, it’s, it was august of 2001 and the ex husband decides he, I had helped him, I scored some kind of piece of music that he had his band kids do and he’s like, well why don’t you come out and we’ll fly out and you can actually watch it and participate in the performance and we’ll have a nice visit and plus you could help me build a computer.
Misty: 00:26:33 They basically, it was really more about the computer if you needed something from you. So he wanted you to come out and I was getting a free trip. Great. So you took the free
Chris: 00:26:43 trial. So basically the plan was, he was busy. She, he sends her up to dallas to pick me up and our job is to go to houston, go to fry’s electronics by all the parts for this computer and then eventually we’re going to end up at his band event. So she and I are alone in the car and this is three, three, and this is the first time when I hear the, I can’t do it. I can’t do this anymore. Oh no. And the first words oUt of my mouth, I was like, giddy. I’m like, oh my god, we’ve been with eric, right? You want to say your marijuana. I’m wondering taking that side long,
Chris: 00:27:31 driving the car. And she turns and looks at me with like, like, are you shitting me? I’m like, no, seriously, that’s the first time I let her know and I make her aware of when you got married, your made them happy and we’re like, they are screwed. They are doomed. And told all of her work. She was just absolutely dumbfounded. And then it was like, so what are you going to do and what do you, what’s the plan? And I, I couldn’t do anything in my suggestion was I asked like, do you want to be marrIed? And at the time she’s like, I don’t really know. And I go, well maybe you really ought to try counseling because you, you should really, if you’re going to make a break, you want to make a clean break knowing full. Well I’m done.
Misty: 00:28:20 Yeah. And I’ve tried everything. Yeah. And of course I bring up the counseling issue. Oh no, no. Counseling, we don’t need that.
The Boyfriend: 00:28:28 right. I still have a question though. Once you hear one of your friends say that to you, what is your realization? Is that like, shit, this is what I’ve been feeling and everyone else sees it. Why didn’t I know? Exactly.
Misty: 00:28:41 That’s exactly it. You know, I, I was just, I have blinders on, you know, I just like focused on, you know, I, I have these goals that I have to meet because of, you know, I’m, I’m told you have to get married in your twenties, you have to have children and you have ta dah, dah, dah, dah. By this time I had actually also decided that I didn’t want children because I hate children. You learn that from teaching. I learned that I, well, I didn’t even have to learn that from teaching, but um, you know, it was. Well actually. Yeah, pretty much was touching that set the deal there. But um, yeah. So, you know, he’s seeing my misery. I’m stuck.
Chris: 00:29:27 The other thing, just to backup a little bit is that in those times when they would come visit and in san francisco and visit me, we would go restaurants, comedy clubs, we’d go have a good time and people thought we were the couple and I and the reason why is because he was so oblivious. He would walk
Misty: 00:29:44 he had his plan, he was going, this is where he was going and he would walk ahead
Chris: 00:29:50 so he would just be walking ahead to going wherever. And I were walking through like some nasty parts of san francisco and I’m standing close to her because she’s my friend and first of all it’s just polite. Right. And then I’m a slow walker. This was also back when she and I really didn’t have any, any interest in each other. We never. It didn’t really cross our minds, so she’s just my friend and we’re. We are starting to become close just as, as good friend,
Leanne: 00:30:18 kind of a default because he puts you In that situation,
Chris: 00:30:20 but we also realize how much we had in common that we were. We had more in common. I had more in common with her than I did with him and we had more in common than she did with him and then we just kind of became really good friends, but I would be the one who would be kind of tender her and when he, when he would just ditch her or something would go on. I was the one who was kind of like, so everybody just assumed we were the married couple or at least dating whatever were dating and he was just the goofy friend.
Leanne & The BF: 00:30:51 so when did you guys, when did you and your ex ended up deciding that this was it you’re not going to do anymore? When did you decide?
Misty: 00:31:00 It was definitely me. So, uh, and again, here we get to the cd part as it slowly gets. Chris and I, we’d get on, you know, by this time there was instant messenger and so we would instant message where’s just say yes all the way back in the day. Um, we’re old, but um, you know, I’m, part of it also is that I’m trying to work on my thesis and my ex is like, let’s go here, let’s do this, let’s go do this, let’s go do this. I’m like, I’m never finishing this fucking thesis. Never do you. How long have you been to finish my thesis? No. Seven fucking years. Lo. And it becomes a distraction. All of the distractions. And then I had a full. Um, so yeah, he would just constantly, he didn’t want me finishing that degree. Wow. I don’t think. But anyway, so finally, so he and I are chatting on aol and things was as buy the cd. Did you use emc? Okay.
Chris: 00:32:12 It started with when she started saying I gotta get outta here. It was pretty much because I’m like, I’m a pretty decent guy, like, flirted with because I’ve had instance with meaning girls in theater programs were married and just like, okay, you know, I’m getting kind of on the edge of like we’re about to do something we’re going to regret and just kind of let’s not do that, you know, with ms dot [inaudible] was once she’s was like, I am done. I was like, well, it’s on.
Chris: 00:32:47 It just, it wasn’t really a concern. It’s like I was open to that possibility and of course I waited for her to kind of give a hint. So we just started with a little bit of flirting and here and there. Actually there was an,
Misty: 00:33:00 a trip I had taken to California by myself the december after nine slash 11. I’m just to see. I wanted to see my mom. I knew my ex couldn’t go. It was, you know, that he had band stuff to do. Um, so I went out to visit my mom and I ended up spending a day with chris and um, you know, that’s pretty much where I also laid it all out. Then too, and
Chris: 00:33:30 you know, she was like, well no, well where she said to me, I’m, I can’t do this anymore, I’m done.
Chris: 00:33:36 But it was also with we’re walking through san francisco, my old stomping ground in highschool and we go from like north beach down to the, to the wharf by the water. It’s raining and I just suddenly had the urge to grab her and like basically smashed up against the wall and make out with her.
Chris: 00:33:54 And I didn’t, I didn’t do it, but it was like, it was on my mind and I’m like, no, because it was, again, it was more about consent. I don’t know what your opinion of this whole thing was, but it was in my and then we ended up kind of by the way
Chris: 00:34:09 water and I just kind of hugged her just innocently and we just had a moment and then it was, we went out later and had like dinner and stuff and uh, it was kind of after the fact that we both were like, that was an intense moment. So in a way, I’m glad I didn’t try it.
Leanne: 00:34:27 Were you still married at the time? He smashed you up against the wall? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. In good ways. But yes. Yes,
Chris: 00:34:41 it was when she really said finally out loud, I’m done,
Misty: 00:34:46 I’m done, but I can’t get out of it. I need to get out of it. I can’t. So it wasn’t like I didn’t feel like I feel like it was already over. She just needed know that was my hand though. That means you didn’t know how I was financially unable to do so. And the fact that my income was based off of him. Right. I mean like my students were his students. She had a long process of kinda like opening her own accounts and secret starting our own credit cards and secret all that money over on the how to, how to divorce and our. Yeah.
Misty: 00:35:20 Um, you know, I started doing these things very secretly and I’m still teaching flute lessons. I’m still teaching flute sectionals during the day, um, with the, with all of the college station bands and finally a band parent. So I, I’ve been trying to look for a job like either in college station outside of college station. I didn’t care, I was just looking everywhere for a job. I was even looking at more than what you could. Yeah. Yeah. So I could leave and that wasn’t like he technically was sort of my boss, you know, along with all the other band directors as well. So, um, so finally in 2003, one of, um, you know, I, I had been talking about um, you know, looking for jobs elsewhere and jay, my ex was going to have to come with me obviously. Well one of the band parentS just absolutely.
Misty: 00:36:22 Oh, him and just didn’t want to see him move. So she happened to know of a job at a council of governments, which in Texas there are, these all counties are broken up into regions and each region has a council of governments that has like multiple counties, multiple cities. I’m in it and they basically, um, it’s basically for grant funds, senior deciding like, like for block grants, what, how things get distributed. So I was specifically doing, or the job list specifically for managing criminal justice block grants and homeland security block grants, which was, you know, at that time, very, very big. So
Leanne & The BF: 00:37:10 what you were doing, what you were, you were educated. Yeah,
Misty: 00:37:15 right, right. So, so that was perfect. I interviewed for the job, um, I got it. And that was 2003.
The Boyfriend: 00:37:27 So we, we jumped from 2001 where you’re saying I went out and now we’re still two years later and you’re still married and you’re still searching for a job to get out.
Misty: 00:37:38 And he and I are having an affair. Oh wow.
Chris: 00:37:41 Yeah, we’re actively planning. She’s, she’s telling him that she’s going up to the school to do her master’s degree stuff and were shacking up in a hotel. Blake,
Misty: 00:37:51 I, I once told him that I was going to California because I was actually going to California to visit him. I didn’t say I was going to visit him and my mom had since moved back to Texas. Um, and so, uh, I’ve told him I was going to California for a job interview. Well, he punched a hole in the wall by the way, for that. He wasn’t typIcally violent. There was a couple of times where he pushed me and I,
Chris: 00:38:24 and this wasn’t because he thought she was doing, she, he didn’t know us, was the idea that she wanted to move out of that. I, I was looking to do with it. No, still had no idea. He didn’t want to leave
Misty: 00:38:39 where he was.
Leanne: 00:38:41 So he wanted to keep you there. I didn’t want you to go and look for jobs elsewhere
Misty: 00:38:45 and be independent. Okay. So, um, yeah, so there were several times, you know, I, even when I went to California I would tell them I was going to dallas and um, you know, vIsiting family or are working on my thesis and he was busy. So he, you know, football games and all that stuff that band directors have to do, um, contests and things. So, so I picked those times, um, and fly out or I drive up to dallas or fly out to California or fly him, you know, wherever. Um, so we were having a relationship while I was still married. So that, that’s the cd part.
Misty: 00:39:28 we’re also trying to find a way to get exactly what I was doing in my mind. I was, I was not married to this man anymore. Slowly diverting money to your own account. You were actively looking for it.
Misty: 00:39:42 Yeah, I was getting my own credit cards. I was um, you know, slowly stockpiling things. Um, and we still had stuff that I’d had prior to the marriage, so I knew I would be able to keep that sort of thing. so by 2003, um, I uh, had that job, it was more than i was making than I’d ever made and get this. I was $27,500 a year.
Speaker 6: 00:40:16 Hm.
Misty: 00:40:22 I still would have struggled. Yeah. Um, so It’s still, you know, I, I tried, um, you know, just kind of stockpiling the money. Um, and ultimately in 2000, in spring of 2003, I had actually looked for an apartment and came inches literally from signing a lease on an apartment and I just couldn’t do it. What stopped you? I was afraid. I was like, okay, so this is gonna cost me so much. I mean, I still kind of felt like financially I couldn’t do it. Part of it was also, you know, I haven’t really tried, you know, we hadn’t done the counseling thing and he had refused it before. But um, so I ended up chickening out and then I’m kind of stayed with it for another year. So. Did you guys end up trying to counseling training? We did. So in 2004 I, um, finally moved out. Um, uh, and that, that was the sickest I’ve ever felt in my life. I don’t know if it was like food poisoning or if it was just my nerves or what, because we had just had like a really bad storm and the water had been contaminated. So, so there is partially, I think that I might’ve had food poisoning, but it just happened to align with the fact that I moved out. Um, and that’s when we started the council.
The Boyfriend: 00:42:00 So you tried, you tried to move out the year before and didn’t want to do it? I couldn’t do it. What, what made you finally say I’m doing it this time? A year later, just another year of everything else. And nothing changed.
Misty: 00:42:12 Yeah, nothing had changed. um, you know, I was, we were still kind of, um, we still had a relationship going.
Chris: 00:42:22 Well, we made clear that it wasn’t like we were planning, some futures are really good friends and we were enjoying our competence with benefits, but there was also kind of this. I was also very clear that hoping that she didn’t want to just leave her husband and then jump onto me as a kind of a rebound thing. Right. And it was more about making sure that if she, when she finally did get single, I wanted her to as her friend, enjoy being single, go and have a life and all that stuff, whatever, if anything happened to us in that down the road, that’s different but don’t come clean to me because I thought that would be bad.
Misty: 00:42:59 right. So, um, so basically I kind of stuck it out just for another year just to make sure that I, I felt like financially comfortable that, that he was pissing me off so more and more and more. And I finally just, I, I’d had it and got an apartment and then tell them no after I had signed the lease at I’m leaving and my mom came down and help me help me pack. He stayed with his parents for a weekend and I’m,
The Boyfriend: 00:43:26 what was his reaction? Know he was there as a behavior. It could be, I don’t know, I don’t want to say violent, but it could be abrasive.
Misty: 00:43:37 It, it, it was. I mean, like he, he was very upset obviously. Um, which didn’t help and you know, he, he wasn’t violent but he was just like, no, don’t go, like really trying to get onto the bed. And that’s when he’s like, well, I’ll do, I’ll do counseling, I’ll do whatever you want me to do. And so we did marriage counseling, but I still moved out right on the counselor. No, fortunately, no. They got a good race. She did recommend the marriage counselor and um, and she was a good marriage counselor. It’s just that basically when we had our couples sessions and then we had our individual sessions and I told her during our, in my individual session with her, I’m like, nothing’s going to change. I said, I’m, I’m done. I’m not, you know, this is it. And she’s so she. Yeah, exactly. It was too late. So she basically recommended that we get a divorce. And so what happened with the divorce happened in five? so yeah, you know, we were separated for technically a year, not legally separated but separated and you know, trying to, that’s when we were doing the counseling and, and we would go out on dates, um, in fact, you know. Yeah. Trying, trying to attempt to, to make amends with each other and make it work.
Leanne: 00:45:05 Was there any time during that counseling or trying to make it work that you thought, well, maybe good?
Misty: 00:45:11 No, no I didn’t. I never did. Um, and the interesting part of that is that’s when I got a cooking bug, um, because he always said that he was the, he was the best cook on the planet, you know, he was very braggadocious about that
Chris: 00:45:28 and classically french trained, which meant watching julia child.
Misty: 00:45:39 Yeah, they, it was Julia Terrell. it’s on tbs or on, on pbs. And so, um, I ended up, I decided, well, you know, I’m living on my own now. I need to cook for myself. I’m not going to eat out all the time and don’t have the money to do so. Um, and one of our dates was I made chicken marsala and he came over and, and ate it and the look on his face when he actually ate the food and was like, this is really good because if I ever tried to cook when we were married, he’d be like over my shoulder telling me what to do or telling me I’m doing something wrong. And, and he would tell our friends, he would tell our friends that I’ve boiled water or that I burned water.
Chris: 00:46:22 She can cook circles around him. By the way, she learned it all basically after she moved out and left him.
Misty: 00:46:35 Yeah. So, but I think he finally realized, oh hey, I’ve been kind of holding her back, but still, you know, nothing changed. I wouldn’t even let him know that I was, I lived in a gated apartment complex. I wouldn’t let him know the code. I um, I would meet him at the manager’s office. So you actually really, I didn’t even want him to know where I live.
Leanne: 00:47:02 okay. And so then, so you guys had gone through all of this counseling, you tried dating again, you tried going through this. At what point after that did you go, I’m done. Like I’ve put in All that effort that I’m going to put in and I’m ready to walk away.
Misty: 00:47:17 Two thousand three. When I moved out, I was done.
Chris: 00:47:23 You made up your mind late 2001 is when you made up your mind. Basically I was just humoring my ducks in a row. But if you go, if you go to counseling in 2001, do you think that would have changed it or you were done? I the counseling was just to satisfy him.
The Boyfriend: 00:47:39 Wow.
Misty: 00:47:39 Well They check those boxes off in 2001 I think. Go ahead. I don’t think he would have been receptive. Even if he had gone, I don’t think he would have followed through with what the counselor’s recommendations were.
The Boyfriend: 00:47:58 So you think the four years between 2011 and 2005 when it then the divorce was finalized. That was necessary for, for him, but also maybe for you to make sure all this
Chris: 00:48:10 he had to be threatened with her leaving for him to even consider counseling. And then I think at that point She was like, fine, I’ll go do it because it was just kinda like another box to check off.
Misty: 00:48:20 Right. But I had again, I had already like been stockpiling money and start, you know, doing all this stuff to be able to leave that I had already made. I’ve made up my mind in 2011. So You. Okay. So
Leanne: 00:48:36 okay. I can relate to this in a bit. It’s kind of like tHe same scenario of which when you were 22, 21, 22, you’re like, well, I’m going to accept this proposal because this is, this is what’s supposed to happen and you know what the thing, the, the, the challenges we have right now, our challenges I see with other couples, my parents and other role models, so this is normal and I, this is, this is the direction I’m going, so I do it, but at the same time when it came time to you making a decision before you could officially say I’m done, it feels like the right thing to do. It’d be like, well, you know what? I know in my mind I’m done, but I want to make sure so I’m gonna. I’m going to go through the marriage counseling. I’m going to give it my all. I’m going to let him come to terms with it. Maybe something will change, but I want to make sure that I’ve done my due diligence in order to make sure before I leave this marriage I’ve done. I’ve exhausted all of my resources.
Misty: 00:49:33 That’S exactly yet, and I totally get that. I tried everything and I can say that I tried everything even though, uh, emotionally and mentally I was out of that relationship long before I was out of the relationship.
The Boyfriend: 00:49:48 That’s a good way to make sure that you have the closure and that I’m ready to move on because you’ve done everything that you felt that you could.
Misty: 00:49:54 Right? Right. And I definitely had that closure. I’m not sure that he had that closure, but yeah.
Chris: 00:49:59 well, he, in fact, the frustrating part was that she was knowing his mental state and how he suddenly became very needy when she moved out. She was also being, trying to be very loving and compassionate. Very. Even though she knew she wanted to leave, she was trying to be compassionate and he became so clingy and the process dragged on and dragged on and she went through the motions to try to ease him out of the marriage and basically
Chris: 00:50:28 once they had some kind of a formal divorce thing in writing or that was kind of agreed upon, he had a girlfriend. Oh my god. Really
Glenn: 00:50:39 my question is this marriage to him
Glenn: 00:50:42 just simply something he needed to do? He needed to have a wife? No, he. I think that he,
Chris: 00:50:47 he just needed. He didn’t know how to be alone and he needed somebody there,
The Boyfriend: 00:50:52 but it also fits his personality from what you’ve said, like he is going wants to go do it and then he on his way and done and whether or not you’re with me or not, I’m going to go this way. Just even Walking on the sidewalk is sort of an analogy for this. I’m going to go that way and will leave you behind and you’re going to catch up with me and we’re going to be there at the same time, but I don’t have to be there with you. It’s just like whatever.
Chris: 00:51:12 I’m with ms dot. He found out that he had a. He was dating this woman. It was kind of like in her mind that I remember her saying, god, if he Could only have found this girlfriend two years ago, wow. And just save me the trouble, you know?
Misty: 00:51:25 Yeah. You know, honestly, I’m, I’m surprised that he never cheated on me. Do you think he didn’t? I know he didn’t. Yeah. Um, and the shake your head boyfriend. Oh. Oh, surprising. It is surprising. First of all, we didn’t have sex once I started having sex with him, with chris. I stopped having sex with my ex for like two years. No,
Chris: 00:51:55 like a long time. There was also a point where she got something. You got something in the mail from victoria secret or something?
Misty: 00:52:04 No, he looked at my email while I was at the gym. That’s what he did. There was some, there was a, a, a
Misty: 00:52:10 receipt from victoria secret,
Chris: 00:52:13 but wasn’t there something? There was something where he kind of knew something was not right because he wrote me and he said, yeah, and I don’t think it was anything ironic. It was, it wasn’t anything blatant, but he knew something was going on between her and I. Oh really? Yeah, he could. He didn’t have, he didn’t have any details, but he basically said, look,
Misty: 00:52:33 because the laundry was sent to him. Oh, it was the receipt to my house. Oh my god, he’s so, I had to send it to him and I saw the receipt on your email
Chris: 00:52:48 and it was, it was addressed to me like, I like silly hats, what do you want to know? But he, he basically wrote me and said, look, we’re going through some stuff and I, you need to Just back off. Okay, you’re a friend of mine and this net. And we’d also at the point where I, because he was such an ass hole that he and I weren’t really all that good of friends going back to when she first decided she was gonna leave him, you know, just kind of humoring him. And um, and of course, you know, I’m, I know the truth, which is she’s out of here dude. But I just was like, okaY, that’s fair. So when they finally, when they finally officially broke up or divorced, he contacted me and was like, hey, I just, I hope we can still be friends. And um, I am, there’s anything that happened between you and her, that’s fine. It’s no big deal. And I have a friend now, I have a girlfriend now that you know, I’d like you to come tomorrow, wedding and this sudden that.
Everyone: 00:53:52 And I actually, he was in vegas via groomsmen. Not a best. It’s really crazy. Is that he was involved
Chris: 00:53:59 by himself while she was in vegas visiting me. So I left my hotel room with his ex wife to go meet him for a drink where he’s like, no, hey, no big deal. Water under the bridge by the way, I’m engaged. Do you want to still be friends? And I’m like, yeah, we can. I didn’t think we were going to be best buddies, but I’m like, oh, that’s really cool by the way, you know? Yeah. Ms dOt. And I did kind of. You’re okay with that because at this point.
Misty: 00:54:25 Yeah. So you hadn’t really said anything but he, he found out somehow. And I’m not really sure how he found out that it was the, it actually had an affair, the victoria’s secret. But basIcally after he got the, after we were divorced, I was working for, um, I had moved on from the council of governments and was working for a subsidiary of Texas a and m
Misty: 00:54:54 that
Misty: 00:54:55 handled the homeland security grant as the state administrative agency. And so stop it. They’re making faces that are playing the flute. So, um, anyway, flute, flute, security. Yeah. So, uh, but basically I was a grants monitor for the department of home land security for the state of Texas and I’m. So I was making more money and we finally got, where am I going with it?
Chris: 00:55:35 I know exactly you’re going with this. What happened is that eventually missed and I, when missy and I were, she started dating other people and I was like, I don’t have a good time. And, and you know, I dated one firefighter and she had a social life. She’s out, guys were interested in and she had a good time. Chris masturbated frantically anyway. No, but we, when she and I both kind of independently were like enjoying being single in our careers are going fine. Everything waS great. We just got engaged. We just kind of realized how compatible we were just out of nowhere, like we’re so compatible. Um, intellectually and mentally.
The Boyfriend: 00:56:17 Two thousand five. She gets divorced. You end the affair.
Chris & Misty: 00:56:21 No, no, no, no. we’re
Glenn: 00:56:26 I’m just waiting for chris to explain to a stable career.
Chris: 00:56:31 No, we’re still kind of having an affair. But my whole thing was like, you should be dated. Other people shouldn’t go date other people because you know, there’s more that I was seeing a woman who I think the theater woman from years earlier got it left her husband. She and I had a little play. No, but what you’re getting at is that when she and I got engaged in early 2006, her ex contacts me and says, here’s the wedding date. I’m getting married. Do you want to go to want to be at her wedding? And I go, well, that’s funny you say that because I’m engaged to.
Misty: 00:57:10 And I think you know her, it’s your ex wife. And he was like, oh, oh yes.
Chris & Misty: 00:57:16 This is where my story was going.
Chris: 00:57:19 So I’m working still living in college town
Misty: 00:57:24 and um, one of my colleagues where I was working had heard from my ex’s new fiance that I had been scurrying around with chris for our internal knowledge. No, no, sInce like the minute we got married when you were really in the closet drinking crown royal. Right. So yeah. So she started these nasty rumors about me, which, you know, partially true, but not to the extent like it. I had tried for three years I guess before we ever did anything and um, you know, so I actually ended up email. Chris ended up emailing my ex and saying
Chris: 00:58:14 what I said to him was that up until this point I was your biggest champion as far as getting her to tell you the truth and get you to, to go to counseling. And every conversation that I had with your wife about your marriage was me saying, you two should work this out and see if you can, whatever you can do, go have counseling. Because if it’s not going to work out, you need to make sure. And I said, you refuse to go. You piss your marriage away. That’s what I said to him. You have no idea what you’ve lost. And I don’t feel any guilt at all over this because you had your chance and you even had me backing you up and having, trying to get you to, to go to counseling and you ignored it. so go fuck yourself. And that’s the last time I talked to him because I was, I was like absolutely livid.
Misty: 00:59:05 And, and, and the good thing about our divorce actually was we had no children, thankfully he now has two. So he apparently wanted children and never told me, oh, so good on him for having them now. um,
Misty: 00:59:22 you know, he always told me he, after I had said, you know, I don’t want children. He’s like, well, my band are children, so you know, that that’s kinda how it works. So he’s like, he, it didn’t see, it seemed like he was on the same page with me with that. And um, so now he’s got two kids, um, and he wasn’t going to leave college station with me, but he loved college station with his current wife. Uh, they moved the actually back to the fort worth area technically. Um, so yeah, I think it’s worked out best for the both of us. Um, but yeah, I mean like, so. Oh wait, no, there wasn’t anything but nevermind. I already said that. Sorry.
The Boyfriend: 01:00:09 So, so again, so from 2000, so I’m still blown away that chris, you were, where were you at during the 2005, 2000, six year. Were you still in California?
Chris: 01:00:20 No, 2005. I was heavily involved in improv with these two clowns
Group: 01:00:26 and that isn’t. I had
Chris: 01:00:34 my, I had a couple of years of being unemployed and being miserable and I had a job in the gaming industry and I was doing improv and happy and she was in Texas. I was in California.
The Boyfriend: 01:00:49 And you guys still continued your relationship even though we probably saw each other. How in the hell did you get engaged? How, wHat, what
Glenn: 01:00:57 was it a person asks the other person?
Chris: 01:01:02 Um, no, it, it really came down to because I had no interest in getting engaged rp at anything. I, I just gotten to the point where I was comfortable not being in a relationship. I’d gotten over the whole being alone thing, which I think is living in vegas. yeah, I think it’s important. It’s important for me especially to get to the point of my life where I am, where I didn’t, I was comfortable being by myself and I didn’t feel like I had the date and I, I was kind of long distance is this woman, this other woman in California who was at who is my own hometown in sacramento. She had left her husband and she and I kind of long distance dated and that was fun, but she was one of those people who was within two months was like, I’m in love with you and I. My reaction was, that’s wonderful. You need to slow down because I think not because I don’t like you, but
The Boyfriend: 01:01:57 you welcome.
Chris: 01:01:57 You probably you probably need to get divorced and kind of live a little bit and let’s not get caught up in that. So I just kinda picked the team.
Speaker 7: 01:02:17 What you’re saying is
Chris: 01:02:17 yes, I had the shorts her on. Okay.
Misty: 01:02:20 It’s what you’re saying, and I was seeing somebody as well regularly who had just come out of a relationship where his wife was cheating on him, so, um, that wasn’t necessarily going to be a healthy relationship.
Chris: 01:02:35 The irony of this is the other woman was really adamant that she was in love with me and talking about marriage and she was just like, I had built a nice emotional fortress for myself and she was chipping away at it. She was, and this is like little miss. I’m the mysteries like spock right now. I’m a woman is just like very emotional kirk unit. He wants me to call them cartoon and all that type of thing, but I’m not weird at one point because I was always very honest about what I was doing and I would tell her, I’m kind of seeing this other woman and I tell this other woman, this is my friend misty. And I was never. I always honest about everything. And at one point I said, look, I’m having these really strange feelings towards the both of you. I’m, I’m confused and I’m feeling like I’m getting attached to you both and I think that’s about why.
Misty: 01:03:33 Tell anyone after you got the suggestion of piano.
Chris: 01:03:36 Yeah, the suggestion is solid. Okay. So, um, what happened is
Speaker 7: 01:03:44 nice
Chris: 01:03:46 told both misty and the, this, the other kind of girlfriend, look, here’s what’s going on. If you guys, neither of you want to have a relationship with me again is fine, but you need to know I’m, I’m having conflicted feelings and I don’t know what I’m feeling.
Misty: 01:04:00 And he asked me specifically, do you love me? And I said, yes I do.
Chris: 01:04:06 Well, the reaction I got was so different from these two. The other woman was like,
Misty: 01:04:16 and I’d known him longer.
Chris: 01:04:19 Misty says, you are my best friend. I love you. Whoever you end up with, I will. I want to be at your wedding.
Speaker 7: 01:04:27 We’ll still be laughing because I’m holding up. I’m holding an oven thermometer like Harry Potter. So when guardian level low set.
Misty: 01:04:43 Anyways. So basically. So he got two different reactions. My reaction was very um, you know, not beIng loving. Yeah, I’m stoic, but you know, I was upset. I was upset, but I understood and I always knew that, you know, that relationship was the relationship between me and chris was never going to go anywhere. I mean like that’s kind of how I, I had put it in my head that way. I didn’t get like, um, uh, I didn’t get attached, you know, I didn’t want to get attached to the feeling of him being you made those statements to him. How did that turn into because that, how did that turn into engage? Yeah. So what happens Is you miss the other woman. She’s a crazy nut job and um, so he realizes that there’s no way he can be in a relationship with that because he is also stoic and introverted and, you know, seriously he is, he’s, he’s introverted but can bring out the extroversion on.
Glenn: 01:06:03 We’re talking about sourdough.
Misty: 01:06:05 So basically he and I had more in common than he did with her. And so he needs someone who is, who Is thinking and not hysterical, who can, you know, take information in, process it and, and, um, not be offended by the fact that he was confused. And I understood that, I so, you know, basically I said I love you, I want you to be happy, um, will still be best friends and whatever decision you make and you know, that was pretty much it. And then he, so he talks to, it’s an analytical level. What about the emotional level, the emotional level? I was, I was dying inside to be honest. And this is the first time he’s really hearing this, is that like, I was devastated because at this point I didn’t realize how much I loved him and you know, it was, it, it really, it really was devastating for me. But I also wanted him to be happY and I, I, you know, and that’s what true love is true. Love is wanting the other person to be happy, whether it’s with you or somebody else, if they come back. Yeah, exactly. So I, I gave, I, I put it put, gave him my entire heart and told him exactly how I felt. And you know, that he made his decision
Chris: 01:07:50 well. And I also encouraged her to date other people, which she did. And we had already done this by this point. It was also fairly slowly just getting to me that she was, you know, I mean it was, it was my idea. I just, I encourage, I wanted her to go out and enjoy being single
Misty: 01:08:08 sounds, her friend. Basically asking details like both were loving each other with an open hand. It’s like not going to crush
Chris: 01:08:16 you so many ways.
Leanne: 01:08:18 I don’t need to know the details chris, but, but yeah, I mean you weren’t, you weren’t crushing each other with like your insecurities or controlling or anything like that
Chris: 01:08:29 we were very determined to be like two people on our own path. Just kind of choose not even choosing to be going in the same direction. We just happened to be going in the same direction in life and we just kinda noticed where at both.
The Boyfriend: 01:08:44 She gives you that information though. She tells you she loves you, she tells you whatever you choose is good. You have the information from crazy girl. Yeah. And know you’re sitting there making this decision in.
Chris: 01:08:55 Well, there wasn’t really a decision because I just kind of felt like I needed to back off of both of them, you know, but
Glenn: 01:09:00 his improv skills suffered.
Leanne: 01:09:03 Dude, what’s happening?
Chris: 01:09:06 I also left the improv groups because my job became insane.
Chris: 01:09:09 Like job was really stupid, but yeah, no, they were having me do. I was doing like 10, 12 hour days at work anyway, but it just, it was only like a month later that I realized that I. first of all, even if ms dot d dot had been happily married and never left her husband, this other girlfriend, she really needed to back away. She was going too fast towards me and I for her own sake was like, I need to cut you loose because you’re going to make a mistake with me. I think that’s probably some of the best things I ever did for women is tell them I’m going to leave so that you don’t get stuck with me. You’re welcome.
Chris: 01:09:49 But it was only like, it was maybe like a month or two later that she and I were having a conversation and I just said to her, literally we’re going to get married. And she said, yep. I mean it was that simple. We had just realized proposal. Really. We were now aquarium in the marriage. It just naturally happened just naturally. This is going to work between the two of us. There were also various things that I needed when I didn’t have an agenda in that, but it was like she needed to be independent. She needed to kind of experience being single and realize that guys were after her that she was going to be completely okay by herself. And wHen that happened she changed and she was ready for you. But I had also gone through a similar journey just a little earlier. I having never been married, just I had gotten over this idea that I knew to agree with somebody. And so she reached that point too. And when she did, all of a sudden I realized we’re what are the odds? Because again, analytical, what are the odds? I’m gonna find somebody that I’m this compatible with because I, I’d never met anybody who male or female where she just got what I was saying no matter what the topic, she just knew it. I didn’t have to it to her. Well, we
Misty: 01:11:14 had, we really had a long history. I mean at this point
Misty: 01:11:19 [inaudible] 94 and this is 2005
New Speaker: 01:11:23 You two are a real life When Harry met sally.
Misty: 01:11:26 Seriously?
Glenn: 01:11:27 No, no, I’m, I’m, I’m seeing that because you two became best friends through life and other relationships.
Misty: 01:11:35 ExActly.
Chris: 01:11:35 Except you know, in harry met sally
Glenn: 01:11:37 Who got the wagon wheel?
Chris: 01:11:39 you know, the next morning when it’s all awkward, it wasn’t awkward the next morning it was like get ready for two rounds
Misty: 01:11:47 and kind of laying there like, really you want to go? Well, which one of us is the dog in this situation? And when harry met sally is a great example because bruno’s really white. Um, what’s hIs name? What’s his name? Bruno. Bruno kirby. HIs character says adultery as a symptom of. I know, I don’t remember the exact quote, but adult adultery is not a cause. It’s a, it’s a samsung. Someone being in an improv class, so you know, my, my whole thing was it, it was, yes I am an adulterer, but it was a symptom of how bad their relationship was with my.
Glenn: 01:12:36 Were you were, you were well past being married by the time she did know. exactly. Yes. I’m using air quotes is cheating because, you know, humanity being what it is we claim to be the only species that is monogamous. Fuck that. We’re not.
Misty: 01:12:52 No, no, no. Yeah, exactly. But um, no, no, seriously. I mean the whole affair with chris really was just basically a symptom that my marriage was done.
The Boyfriend: 01:13:05 Yeah. You, you’ve tried for three years and then you made the decision to move.
Misty: 01:13:12 Yeah, it’s very complicated. But, so, you know, February, 2006, we were formally engaged and we actually gave each other tokens. So like just know instead of just like a normally engagement instead of a normal engagement ring, he gave me like a, it’s actually wedding band with um, with a french saying on it and it says unca. Um, number three. Wait, I have to
Glenn: 01:13:49 me the cheese on a spree
Misty: 01:13:56 avec from us. So, um, I can’t remember which ones first and I read it because I’m freaking old. I’m on a spree, I’m and I’m off basically one spirit, one spirit, one heart, one love. And then I gave him a bracelet. That was it. It was very, um, at the time we were very into andrea.
Everyone: 01:14:36 Two totally different conversations from more of a self empowerment point of view. Not the objective is definitely not the politics. It is easily my favorite saved. We ran an atlas shrug aloud together. We’re still working on it. So in and years in. Is the atlas shrugged or fountainhead? Yeah. Hey todd, I’m thinking of the, is gulf coast with a comedy so enough with the comedy, what do you feel about how ron hubbard’s dinette seriously.
Misty: 01:15:11 I mean it was really more about the self empowerment, but um, you know, henry
Misty: 01:15:16 work in the book gives his wife a bracelet,
Chris: 01:15:21 the metal
Misty: 01:15:23 he made. Yeah, that is
Misty: 01:15:27 metal. And she’s like, oh, this is great. And she just kind of tosses it away. Um, so I gave him a bracelet, it looked kind of, it was like chains and
Chris: 01:15:37 the important part of that is the husband made the wife this thing of a metal that he invented. She was wonderful and threw it away. But then dagney this other woman, she’s like, I’ll take it here. In fact I will give you my priceless diamond bracelet for her. She’s like, your husband made that. He invented that with his own mind. I want that. That’s more valuable to me than that stupid diamond. So that was,
Misty: 01:16:01 it was more of a, um, a, a gesture of like, it’s kind of a symbolic thing, whatever.
Glenn: 01:16:11 So he actually invented metal.
Chris & Misty: 01:16:13 No, I did not invent the metal. It’s just, it’s regular card that you do in the, in the shower. Don’t, don’t, don’t give us an example of a lot of soap. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He really means the fly made it basically in a shower. You could also be. No. So far has brought to you by palm olive. So to make a long time,
Misty: 01:16:47 sorry, even longer, by February, 2006 were engaged and I move in, I get a job, um, with the health department here and a move in, in May, 2006. So that’s six
Misty: 01:17:03 that. So yeah, we hit our 10th anniversary
Misty: 01:17:08 march in march because we got married in 2008, but I moved here in 2006. So I have, I’m actually about to hit my 12 year aNniversary at the health district at the end of the two years in a two year engagement with you guys and then the full marriage and good to go. Yeah. So that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.