Episode 063: Deal Breakers

By Help Person|April 17, 2018|Show notes, Uncategorized|0 comments

Episode 063: Deal Breakers with Leanne & The Boyfriend

Welcome back! Leanne and The Boyfriend discuss nut cups at weddings. Leanne wanted to revisit last week’s episode when she mentioned nut cups at weddings. A friend heard Leanne say that and suggested she don’t say it again because nut cups are old and out-dated. Nobody does that anymore. Then The Boyfriend brings up Russel Crow’s jockstrap. Someone raffled it off for $8,000.

3:42 This week’s topic: Deal Breakers.

Once you’ve been divorced, do your deal breakers change? And are your deal breakers different for marriage then they are for just dating?

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quotes_ep_63_deal_breakerThe Boyfriend feels that deal breakers change over time. Deal breakers in high school would be different then relationships later in life. Leanne didn’t go to prom with someone with the nickname Satan. She probably wouldn’t date someone who wore Crocs with socks back then. Of course, Crocs didn’t exist then either. Leanne mentions she doesn’t really like black socks with shorts. The Boyfriend said it depends on how short the shorts are.

06:29 Remember Seinfeld? Elaine dated the close talker and many other people with annoying habits. The Boyfriend said bad manners are a deal breaker for him. He doesn’t like it when people chew with their mouth open. Leanne asks if an annoying laugh would be a deal breaker. The Boyfriend said he’d put up with it if she had short shorts on.

What about someone who talks in ‘upspeak’? Every sentence ends in a question?  The Boyfriend said he’d probably not even ask her out.

Leanne asks about too much hair. Some people are self conscious about it. Leanne said it’s definitely not a deal breaker in the winter. The Boyfriend said between September and May. They kid. They agree that some of these things are quite petty.

09:17 Leanne wonders if we tend to overlook things more as we get older. She wonders if older people do that because they think the pond/pool is getting smaller. The Boyfriend asks Leanne (since she’s old) if she feels she more accepting of things that she wouldn’t normally be accepting of because she is older. She assures him – no. The deal breakers do change though.

10:53 Leanne talked to a recent divorcee who wasn’t really sure what a deal breaker was let alone what a healthy relationship looks like.

11:52 Lying. Where do you draw the line when it comes to lying? Do you tolerate some little white lies? What if it turns into someone lying about big things later. The Boyfriend points out that trust is one of the most important things in a relationship.

13:13 Cheating. What about emotional cheating versus physical cheating? What’s your deal breaker? The Boyfriend feels that emotional cheating is just as bad. He wants to be able to share everything with his partner. Leanne agrees. They remember past guest Jay Jacobs in episode 2.

14:52 Stealing. Why would you want to be with someone who steals from you? Big or small. They both feel this is a slippery slope. Again, you have to be able to trust someone to respect your space, belongings, and boundaries.

16:00 Physical abuse. This is definitely a deal breaker. Unfortunately, it can be extremely challenging. If you’re not looking for the red flags, or ignore them, it can become a tricky road to navigate to get out. It’s also challenging for friends and family to help if the person is not willing to admit there’s a problem. Abusers can be very manipulative. It’s really important to know the signs.

19:00 People who are uncaring and/or unattentive. If someone’s not paying much attention to you, they’re probably not all that interested. OR if someone makes fun of something that’s important to you. This is a pretty good sign of how they’ll continue treating you.

The Boyfriend points out that a relationship should be as rewarding as the amount of work you put into it. If you’re doing all the work, and it’s still not making you happy, there’s a problem. Communication and effort from both parties is so very important.

We recognize that people will make mistakes, but how do they correct them or handle things going forward?

22:41 Poor hygiene. This one you can see fairly early.

23:11 Personality traits – too serious, not serious enough, laziness, no sense of humor, etc.

23:42 Chemistry. And by chemistry, we mean both emotionally and physically.

24:30 PDA – Public Displays of Affection. Some people love PDA and others don’t like it all. What’s important to you? And why?

What about social media? Does it bother you when someone doesn’t want you to share the relationship online?

It’s important to have a list of deal breakers. It’s helpful to remind ourselves of how we want to be treated or not to be treated. What are the red flags I should be watching for?

“How can expect somebody else to respect our boundaries if we don’t know and respect them ourselves?”

Homework for this week: Make a list of your deal breakers! Send us an email or share with us on social media.

Tweetables

Tweet:  No nut cups at a wedding! Those have been deemed outdated! Ep63 is all about #relationship deal breakers. I guess we got a little #nuts on the topic. #dealbreakers #divorced #marriage #podcast #weddings #single

Tweet: If you don’t like “seafood” you probably don’t like it when people chew with their mouths open. Ep63 is all about #dealbreakers #divorce #relationships #breakup #single #marriage #dating

Tweet:  “How can expect somebody else to respect our boundaries if we don’t know and respect them ourselves?” Ep63 #dealbreakers #boundaries #selfrespect #divorce #marriage #relationships

Tweet:  Some people love PDA and others don’t like it all. What’s important to you? #divorce #marriage #relationships #dating #singlelife

Links

www.lifelafterdivorce.com

www.twitter.com/lafterdivorce

https://www.facebook.com/LifeLafterDivorce/

https://www.instagram.com/lifelafterdivorce/

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