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Episode 059: Narcissist Abuse Support Part 2 of 2
Episode 059: Narcissist Abuse Support Part 2 of 2 with special guest Tracy Malone
Welcome back! We’re here for part 2 of 2 with Tracy Malone! This week we talk about what red flags we should watch for to avoid becoming a victim of a narcissist.
03:20 Tracy Malone was a victim of narcissistic abuse and has decided to educate the world on the red flags and signs of abuse. She started a YouTube channel that has reached over 350,000 all over the world, her website NarcissistAbuseSupport.com has quickly earned ratings of being in the top 50 narcissist abuse websites. She now coaches victims of abuse, hosts live support groups and her Facebook group has almost 4500 members from all over the world.
Upon learning about narcissists Tracy figured out why she was a target and why her divorce was called by the judge in her case as ‘the most tortured divorce in her town’s history’. She will share with us some of her tips she has learned and help you prepare for battle. Tracy is currently writing a book on divorcing a narcissist with money and his family. This was not a battle she was prepared for, yet she would like to help you prepare and learn from her lessons.
One of her favorite sayings is “Screw lemonade. I am making a difference.”
04:18 Tracy sought out a local support group, but she didn’t have the money to continue. She has a marketing background and thought, “why don’t I start a meetup group?” Tracy created a new meetup and then reached out to about 25-30 other meetup group leaders to learn more about hosting these meetings. She learned A LOT and continued moving forward. She’s been leading meetups groups for about two years now. Tracy also has a Facebook group with several thousand members.
She collaborates with the Colorado Coalition of Domestic Abuse.
As Tracy has met with so many people and shared her story, she’s learned just how important it is for others to know they are not alone. Tracy has shared her story at meetups and on YouTube. People from all over the world reached out to her in support. The most difficult sharing experience she had was when she told her dad and her son. She ended up telling them the weekend of her son’s graduation. Tracy hadn’t told her family before because she was ashamed.
The more she shares themore she heals. Tracy often invites experts, authors, and others to share their story on her YouTube channel.
13:33 We talk about narcissist, but until we experience a relationship with them, we don’t really understand the seriousness of it. There is so much shame associated with being in an abusive relationship. What are the biggest signs we should look for to avoid falling into a narcissist trap?
Tracy read that there are over 158 millions of people who’ve been victims. It’s so important to learn as much as you can and share the information with others.
16:45 Setting boundaries is key, and there is one red flag that is extremely important.
“Listen to your intuition!”
“Setting boundaries are one of the most important things that victims have to learn to do.”
18:46 Tracy puts people into three buckets. The first is an unexpecting victim and they’re not sure what’s going on. The second is the victim who realizes they’ve been had. This person is aware of what happened. The third is the Surthriver (a word that Tracy made up). This the person who is healing, moving forward, and moving on.
20:35 Tracy gives an example of how her ex-husband’s family started taking away her control without her knowing it. This is when Tracy was in the victim stage. Her ex-husband’s family threw away all of clothes and bought her all new clothes. This may not seem like any sort of abuse or manipulation, but compounded with other things, it adds up. They changed how she dressed and who she hung out with. They told her what she’d wear and who she’d be friends with. They dictated her vacations and her social life. Tracy didn’t understand it all because she was supposed to feel good about all they were giving her. It all came with strings attached.
24:20 When Tracy complained, they betlittled her and told her she was ungrateful. They gave her a lot of material things, but it all came with pressure and stress.
25:39 Tracy said she wasn’t aware of what was going on yet. If her husband went out of town she’d find love letters all over the house. It wasn’t a material gift, but it was his way of leading her on that he loved her. It kept her distracted from what he was really doing.
27:35 Tracy described the elaborate vacations. Her husband behaved differently around his family. He would act very gallant around his family. He’d put his arm around her and hold her hand. Her husband wouldn’t do that at any other time.
29:04 Tracy’s husband and his family kept their family vacations a secret. Tracy made a post on Facebook and the family freaked out. Her father-in-law yelled at her and told her she’d ruined his life. Tracy never knew what mood they would be in and was miserable.
32:40 Her husband never gave her any indication that they would be getting a divorce.
33:22 No Contact Rule and Hoovering. If you break up with a narcssist they hoover and try to get you back. A person will typically break up and go back to a narcissist seven times. The only way to really break the pattern is to not have any contact. Narcissist do not like it when you break up with them. They will hoover you back and keep you until they break up with you on their terms. Each time they come back to you they will treat you worse.
“Each time they come back they’re going to be worse.”
36:05 Narcissist will use children as pawns. They are terrible about this and will lie about the other parent so they get custody.
38:55 Nobody ever goes into a relationship thinking they going to be manipulated or abused. Narcissist are great liars and actors. When you first meet them, they pay close attention to everything you share with them. Whatever you like to do, they like to do. They make it seem like they are the most perfect person for you. It’s an act.
42:52 “If it feels like it’s wrong, it probably is. Pay attention to your intuition!”
45:18 Speak to people who have friends who might be going through this. If we can get more people educated on the subject, then we can save a few more people. Don’t stop learning, stop being a victim.
“It’s better to be alone for a little while than to be with the wrong person.”
“It’s better to be alone for a little while then to be with the wrong person.” ep 59 w/ @tracyamalone #redflags #narcissist #dating #single #single life #selfcare #relationships #divorce #lifelafterdivorce #podcast
Tweet: “If it feels like it’s wrong, it probably is. Pay attention to your intuition!”ep 59 w/ @tracyamalone #relationships #divorce #dating #singlelife #podcast #singlemom #singledad #narcissist
Tweet: “Each time they come back they’re going to be worse.” ep 59 w/ @tracyamalone #redflags #narcissist #dating #single #single life #selfcare #relationships #divorce #lifelafterdivorce #podcast
Tweet: “Setting boundaries are one of the most important things that victims have to learn to do.” ep 59 w/ @tracyamalone #redflags #narcissist #dating #single #single life #selfcare #relationships #divorce #lifelafterdivorce #podcast
Tweet: A person will typically break up and go back to a narcissist seven times. ep 59 w/ @tracyamalone #redflags #narcissist #dating #single #single life #selfcare #relationships #divorce #lifelafterdivorce #podcast