Episode 041: In the Middle of Nowhere and Everything

By lifelafterdivorce|November 14, 2017|Show notes, Uncategorized|

Episode 041: In the Middle of Nowhere and Everything with special guest Tiffany King

Leanne and The Boyfriend discuss how the end of the year is a slow time for divorce filings. People prefer to stick it out through the end of the year to avoid making the holidays difficult or want to make it through the end of the year for tax season. It’s really tough to be in the midst of a divorce during the holidays so people wait.

Meet Tiffany King, comedian and momic, who is in the middle of a challenging divorce.  She joins us from Wayne, Pennsylvania via Skype/Telephone.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quote_ep41f_tiffany_kingTiffany was blindsided by the divorce. Her husband got a job with Property Brothers with HGTV asked her to follow him to Pennsylvania. Tiffany did move with her daughter so they could keep the family together. She had been a comic in LA for years and figured she could continue on her career path on the East Coast. 

However, when they arrived, she found they were much farther away from everything than she thought they’d be. They were living in a house that was old and dirty, and her husband and her were at odds most of the time. Tiffany had said, hey let’s take care of this stuff, and he took offense. Looking back she feels like something else was going on and maybe he had this whole thing planned.

Tiffany was getting ready to do a show in New York one night and recieved an email from her husband that he wanted a divorce. She was surprised.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quote_ep41a_tiffany_kingUsually when Tiffany would go into NY to do shows her husband would encourage her to stay longer. But most of the time she wanted to go back home to him and her daughter. Or she’d worry about the expenses. She noticed their bank account was low and he said don’t worry, just use your credit card. Again, looking back at it she feels like she was set up and her credit card debt grew.

Her husband put her and her daughter into an apartment in PA, took their only car, left to New Orleans. He had her sign legal separation papers. Tiffany signed the not realizing/understanding that she wouldn’t be able to leave the state.  It wasn’t until Tiffany talked to a friend who was like, “what are  you doing?!!” that it sunk in. Tiffany felt like she had to put on a tough front like everything was okay.

Tiffany and her husband have been separated since July. Tiffany wants to move back to LA with her daughter. The husband has been traveling for work, and Tiffany and her daughter have to stay in Pennsylvania. Her husband has family who support him and help him financially with legal fees. She does not have that kind of support.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quote_ep41b_tiffany_kingTiffany did end up getting a car and drives for Lyft and does her best to make it work. Her family is in Texas and her friends are in LA. She feels isolated and very out of place. She is trying to get help, but feels like nobody believes that she’s a victim of physical abuse.

Tiffany wishes she had a therapist and lawyer. She had retained a lawyer but he wasn’t a family lawyer. Then Tiffany found herself in Texas and out of money. Her husband talked her into moving with him to PA and they were trying to work it out. He was successful in talking her out of filing a restraining order against him.

Tiffany is also a child of divorce and has abandonment issues. Her dad and step-mom judge her and told her that she can’t have a relationship with them if she continues to have a relationship with her mom. Her mom and step-dad live in Texas, but they’re not financially supportive.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quote_ep41c_tiffany_kingTiffany and her husband were married less than three years. They had been together off and on for a couple years before they were married. Then Tiffany got pregnant. He had cheated on her and tried talking her into an abortion. Tiffany really wanted to have a baby, especially after a miscarriage with her first husband.

Tiffany has worked hard to transform her life. She recognizes that both she and her second husband both had very ugly childhoods and that probably should have been a red flag.

Tiffany was first married at 21 in Texas and although the divorce process was easy, it was tough emotionally.

Tiffany’s ideal support system would be in LA or Texas around people who love her. Lots of people have been there for her and she is very grateful. She just wants to be closer.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quote_ep41d_tiffany_kingTiffany feels that her husband wanted to be able to control her. He would corner her in the apartment. He tried talking her into aborting their baby for a the first month of her pregnancy. She stuck up for herself more after becoming a mom.

Tiffany and Leanne discuss how hard it can be to talk to friends about going through divorce. Dealing with shame and/or judgement. It’s difficult when our friends and family come at us with ‘you should’ or ‘you should’ve’.

Tiffany is speaking up about her situation now. She wants to speak up and get help. She doesn’t want this happening to anyone else.

Tiffany gives an example of how much anxiety she feels all the time. She shares how the emotional abuse has beat her down.

Tiffany wants her daughter to have therapy and to be knowledgeable about healthy vs toxic relationships. She tries to be honest, but understands the boundaries needed for a four-year-old. She’s not sure how she’ll have that conversation with her when she’s older.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quote_ep41e_tiffany_kingTiffany wants to become a better person, more forviging, and stronger. She hopes for a bright future in comedy and as a mom.

It’s affecting her right now no matter what.

“A mysterious man means he’s probably lying.”

“It would’ve been great if I had been handed a therapist and a lawyer at the same time. But I wasn’t handed those things.”

“When I met him I was completely financially independent and totally fun. I had a great life when I met him.”

“I loved him. I’d never met anyone like him…I never ever thought he’d use that against me.”

“I’m struggling being a single mom right now with my daughter. Now I realize, ‘Oh my mom had it so hard.’ I used to judge her so much.”

“It hurt me when my parents talked bad about each other or when they painted the other in a bad light. The last thing I want to do is do that to my child.”

 

Our favorite moments:

05:46 Meet Tiffany King

11:00 Tiffany gets an email – Her husband wants a divorce

25:25 Abandonment issues

27:08 Seeking legal help

28:35 Shakespeare in Love

29:24 Family Support, or not

32:00 First divorce

36:00 My life was good before him

47:42 What do you tell your daughter?

51:58 Where would you like to end up?

 

Question of the Week:  “What is the nicest thing a friend could do for you while you’re going through your divorce? ”

 

What you’ll learn:

  • Pay attention to red flags!
  • Being isolated from family and friends while in a divorce is extremely challenging
  • Review any and all contracts very carefully before signing

 

What you won’t learn:

  • How to do comedy
  • The ending in the movie “Get Out”
  • The Boyfriend’s true identity

 

Tweetables:

Tweet:  It’s difficult when our friends and family come at us with ‘you should’ or ‘you should’ve’ Ep41 #lifelafterdivorce #singleparent #divorce #podcast

Tweet: Two broken people do not equal a whole. Ep41 #Marriage #divorce #kids #selfcare #parents #communication #podcast

Tweet: We can spend years transforming ourselves only to meet someone who can undo all that work in a blink of an eye. Ep41 #divorce #choices #selfcare #lifelafterdivorce #podcast

Tweet: It’s really hard to see red flags when what we’re seeing is all that we’ve ever known. Ep41 #Divorce #coparenting #singleparent #childrenofdivorce #kids

Tweet: We need to know what a green flag looks like before we can understand the signifigance of a red one. Ep41 #divorce #marriage #podcast #relationships

 

Links

Facebook: Comedian Tiffany King

https://www.facebook.com/tiffany.king.9277/

Twitter @TiffanyRKing

Instagram @comediantiffanyking

website: https://psychictiffany.weebly.com/

youtube channel: tiffany king

https://www.youtube.com/user/operadreams

 

www.lifelafterdivorce.com

www.twitter.com/lafterdivorce

https://www.facebook.com/LifeLafterDivorce/

https://www.instagram.com/lifelafterdivorce/

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