Episode 035: Single Moms Planet

By lifelafterdivorce|October 3, 2017|Show notes, Uncategorized|

Episode 035: Single Moms Planet with special guest Neferteri Plessy

Yaassss! Leanne and The Boyfriend announce the opening of the online store. Be sure to check out our retail therapy page!

Meet Neferteri Plessy, Founder and CEO of Single Moms Planet. Neferteri is a single mom of two young boys, divorcee, and ready to take on the world! She’s been divorced seven years and was married for five. Divorce is definitely a lot easier now that time has passed and she’s found ways to manage single motherhood. Once the shock of divorce wore off, Neferteri found that she has more support than ever.

Although Neferteri is a divorcee, she is strong believer of marriage. She shares tips on setting boundaries without being harsh and gives examples. Being specific with asks, giving dates and times, and making sure people understand the boundary are key to success as a single mom. The more specific we are the better, and men tend to be okay with that. Subtlety doesn’t work. (The Boyfriend agrees!) Women lead with emotion and think men should understand how they feel. Men don’t think that way. (Again, The Boyfriend agrees!)

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quote_ep35a_single_moms_planetThe boundaries extend to your kids. Neferteri gives us examples how kids always seem to go to mom when it comes to getting things done. She reminds her kids that Dad is capable, too.

“I am such a firm believer that the parent is the problem…When it comes to dating, there are men who just don’t get it. They don’t know women. They think they’re doing something special and they’re not. They’re just doing something average.” Neferteri is teaching her sons how to pay attention and treat women right.

A year or more after her divorce, Neferteri’s best friend encouraged her to start dating again. Her friend’s advice was “Don’t cry, and don’t talk about your ex.”

What has changed the most for her sense her divorce? Technology. Neferteri prefers a man to call her versus texting her. She would send texts back, “This phone does not accept text messages.” Not a big texter. Not a big fan of men trying to establish patterns with her right away. “Don’t start texting me every morning. Don’t do things that you won’t be able to maintain.”

Neferteri talks of dating in the digital age: If we haven’t held hands or made good eye contact, then don’t be texting me every morning. Don’t create a false sense of connection. It’s too much. Pick me up and take me on a date. Establish a real connection.

Neferteri doesn’t put a time frame on it, but rather knows when people are genuine and engaged. People tend to get so caught up with digital communication and a false sense of intimacy. It’s more of filler than a real conversation. Navigating the new norms and setting boundaries was a big adjustment. The digital exchange between two people can be so confusing.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quote_ep35b_single_moms_planetNeferteri learned to take her power back by simply picking up the phone and making the call first. She realized that by taking actions like this, she could establish a friendship and take the pressure off meeting new people.

When she picks her kids up from school she makes them talk to her. “How was your day?” if she gets a “Nothing.” She responds with an, “Oh, nothing? Then let’s turn around and go back to school.” We have to train children how to have meaningful conversations.

What happened after the divorce? When did she start her business? Most of her friends didn’t want to have kids and/or didn’t have kids. Neferteri had her mom to go to, but her mom more of a ‘get over it and move on’ attitude. Neferteri was still grieving, and she still wanted to fill in the holes by finding a new husband, get her career together, and show the ex that she got this. But now she is so thankful she never did remarry right away. She had opportunities, but for one reason or another she said no.

Neferteri tried reaching out to find supportive mom groups, but she wasn’t find one where she really felt connected. So Neferteri created her own opportunity to connect. She sponsored a 100 moms brunch. This is where everything began.

From that first brunch about five years ago, she’s created Single Mom’s Planet. She wanted to create a hands on community. Most of what already exists, lives on line. She doesn’t want it to be digital or just be about her. Instead she’s created an actual in-person community. Single Moms Planet has really diverse group of moms who want to better their life one way or another.

Life_Lafter_Divorce_Quote_ep35c_single_moms_planetThere are many married women and men and companies who contribute. It takes a village to raise children. Why would you want to make it harder and do it all by yourself?

In order to get support, you ask for it. Don’t put the responsibility on everyone else. Take the initiative. Don’t play the victim. You are not alone. People do want to help you.

“Do a powerful ask. If you ask four people in your life to help you with your kids one day a month, that’s four times a month that you can go and do what you want to do.”

Do your research. Have an emergency babysitter. Realize that it’s also important for your kids to have other people and influence in their life.

They do have people, men and women, who don’t have children volunteer at the organization. There are quite a few. Largest donation pool doesn’t have children. Lots of adult children of single parents.

Martinis and Mommy’s event will be held six times a year in 2018. They also have a Mommy Mastermind Brunch with a guest speaker. The speaker is usually an entrepreneur, successful businesswomen to come in and speak with the moms who are interested in or are already starting their own business. The content is great and offers a unique opportunity to get a group mentorship. Get really valuable connections and information. 2.5 hours on a Saturday.

There are quarterly playdates. They often partner with other organizations. They have a 5k coming up. They also just began a partnership with the Boy Scouts – camping trip – they covered the expenses for the entire trip. They took 30+ mom and kids on a trip to Catalina this summer.

Biggest fundraiser of the year is the Single Moms Awards. It will be done the first week in May 2018. They honor the people and organizations who make it all possible and to recognize those who make a difference.

Neferteri created it as a way to acknowledge single moms. She was looking for ways to show individual and group appreciation –to honor them for making it all happen while raising their children.

Example of a woman who had $5 in her pocket and now has a $15million corporation. (Pack It by Melissa Kieling)

Number one reason she did this: The media/society really depicts single moms as victims. Neferteri wanted to show the world what single moms can accomplish. People have to want it for themselves. Single Moms Planet is there to help you get you where you want to go. Neferteri is great at connecting people and wants to connect you.

Single Moms Planets host entrepreneur launch events and give scholarships.

Neferteri doesn’t just want to turn the page on single motherhood. She wants to rewrite the book.

She wants to turn single motherhood on it’s high heels.

Single Moms Planet just participated in an event at the Kendra Scott Store and it was incredible to see the connections that were made. (https://www.kendrascott.com/homepage)

There is something here that has been created that is really good for the community as a whole. With the divorce rate being so high, we need this! It’s nearly impossible to not be impacted. Pay attention. Single parenting affects our society as a whole.

Stop waiting until it’s too late to ask for help. Ask for help before you lose everything. Don’t let it become an emergency. This is here to help you help yourself. We can’t save you.

Don’t fall into the victim trap. Hold yourself accountable and be responsible.

“No matter what goes on, it’s never anyone else’s fault. I always look at me.”

“I have to take ownership. I have to be powerful in my choices and learn from my mistakes. I have to refocus it so it’s not a mistake, it’s a lesson…you’re not calling yourself a bad person, you’re being an adult.”

Single Moms Planet is looking to bring on more members, organizations, volunteers, and sponsors. They would love to fill a stadium and host a 3-day event. Grow with community centers in the major cities. Needs don’t happen just once a year, why should these events? They are looking into shared single mother living partnerships. Lots of great things to look forward to in the future. She’s still learning it as she goes. What works for the moms and what doesn’t? It’s a community-based organization. They want to have events regularly to build in-person communities. That’s where the pulse is. That’s how the disasters can be prevented. Invest in the community as preventative measures.

Neferteri would like to see is empower ambassadors to take on a small group of moms maybe in the same area and keep the personal vibe. Make sure that people don’t get lost.

One event a year doesn’t cut it. Being a single mom is not a once in a while event. It’s everyday.

Go to the website and become a member, donate, and support!

 Question of the Week: “As a single parent, how do you make time for yourself?”

What you’ll learn:

  • How to set boundaries with your significant other
  • The importance of asking for help before it’s too late
  • Single motherhood can be remarkable – make a choice!
  • The importance of surrounding yourself with a supportive community
  • About Single Moms Planet

 

What you won’t learn:

  • How to be a doormat
  • How to incorporate more impersonal communication into our lives
  • The Boyfriend’s true identity

 

 Our favorite moments:

@04:15 Meet Neferteri Plessy

@07:03 Setting boundries

@14:45 Dating and technology
@46:30 $5 to $15 million

@50:00 The awesomeness at the Kendra Scott Store event

Sooo many good moments. Just listen to the whole thing!

 

Tweetables:

Tweet: We’re not turning the page on single #motherhood, we’re rewriting the book. Ep35 @singlemomsplanet @neferteriplessy #lifelafterdivorce

Tweet: Ep35 My #1 way to make time for me is… @lafterdivorce #singleparent #selfcare #

Tweet: Ep35 Setting boundaries is not being mean #choices #selfcare #lifelafterdivorce

Tweet: Being a single mom is not a once in a while event. It’s everyday. Ep35 @lafterdivorce #responsibility #singleparent

Tweet: “Do a powerful ask!” Ep35 @singlemomsplanet @neferteriplessy @lafterdivorce.com #selfempowerment #selfcare #selflove

 

 

Links

http://www.singlemomsplanet.com

https://m.facebook.com/SingleMomsPlanet/

Twitter @singlemomplanet | @neferteriplessy

https://twitter.com/NeferteriPlessy

Instagram @singlemomsplanet | @neferteriplessy

https://twitter.com/SingleMomPlanet

https://www.packit.com/our-story https://www.packit.com/

https://www.kendrascott.com/homepage

www.lifelafterdivorce.com

www.twitter.com/lafterdivorce

https://www.facebook.com/LifeLafterDivorce/

https://www.instagram.com/lifelafterdivorce/

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