Episode 005: Kiss On My List
Episode 005: Kiss On My List (pros & cons of being married/single) with special guest John Lenore
What changes do we make in our lifestyle when we divorce? Aspiring writer and comic, John Lenore, weighs the pros and cons of being married/single and the benefits and pitfalls of post divorce dating.
Leanne: 00:00:08 Welcome to episode five. We’re back again for the fifth time. Five times. I am Leanne Linsky, your host.
The Boyfriend: 00:00:18 I’m the boyfriend.
Leanne: 00:00:19 You still are.
The Boyfriend: 00:00:21 You’re lucky. You’re lucky. I’m still around here.
Leanne: 00:00:27 You’re lucky. Mr Five is a record for me.
The Boyfriend: 00:00:31 Probably me too.
The Boyfriend: 00:00:34 So, but what, what do we got today? What’s, what, what are we, what are we going to talk about?
Leanne: 00:00:39 Well, today I actually have a scenario for you, so. Yeah, exactly. So I’m going to give you a little scenario. I’m gonna ask you to name five things for me. So the scenario is you are a newly divorced and you have decided that you’re going to take some time off for yourself and not date. You’re not dating, you’re broken hearted. You are not dating. Give me the first five things that come to mind that you are going to spend your time doing. Go,
The Boyfriend: 00:01:11 I’m going to reconnect with some friends, some guy friends. I will probably try some different restaurants that my significant or former significant other I didn’t like to go to.
The Boyfriend: 00:01:23 Uh Huh. Probably spend some time to myself and read and just reconnect with myself.
The Boyfriend: 00:01:30 probably catch up on some, some guy movies at my significant other. He didn’t want to go see for a and probably road trips. I like getting in a car and just driving for a while and getting to see a little bit of the country.
Leanne: 00:01:46 Yeah. Like, just drive, like on a road trip every day. Just getting to work.
The Boyfriend: 00:01:54 Thanks for reminding me in La Traffic. Yeah,
Leanne: 00:01:57 that’s five. That’s five. So that’s pretty good. It’s a lot of. It doesn’t sound like you’re going to be doing a lot of partying.
The Boyfriend: 00:02:05 No, I’m, I’m beyond that in my life now. Just, it’s, it’s reconnecting with myself and my friends. I’ll get to see as much.
Leanne: 00:02:13 Well, I’m glad to hear that you already have a plan. Just boy scouts be prepared. How about you? What are your top five things? It was a good question. what’s your question? No, it’s a very good question. Dog. Got It. Let’s see. Number one, probably travel to. I would spend more time with friends. Three,
The Boyfriend: 00:02:39 she’s making the hand sign. Says she’s carrying this out. Ladies and gentlemen,
Leanne: 00:02:43 I’m counting on my fingers. Three, I would probably a cool hip, more open mics. Four, I would be at the gym more often and five probably buy a new car. No, no, I, I only say buy a new car because after each divorce what I did I buy a new car and. Well, one, because I told her one in the other time
The Boyfriend: 00:03:27 that aside, the listening you mentioned other than travel you do now, you did a lot of a Mike’s, you’ve, you’ve get up and go to the gym every morning. You do a lot of these things already.
Leanne: 00:03:43 Yeah. So do you, you do a lot of things as well. I was noticing when you said, I guess when I put my list together now I’m thinking of when I went through my divorces and I wasn’t doing those things.
The Boyfriend: 00:03:55 So I assume now that you’ve been able to continue those things even in your new relationship?
Leanne: 00:04:00 Yes. And I think, I think that being with somebody who does his thing, it makes me realize I need to do mine as well.
The Boyfriend: 00:04:13 It’s, it makes it a healthy relationship. We don’t resent each other for those things. We still live our lives, but we live together.
Leanne: 00:04:22 Right. So that’s good. So if we were to break up, boy, what would I do? I’d probably stay home and eat a lot of bad food, not workout. I guess when it go backwards do opposite opposite day. I have no idea. I don’t know. It’s weird because when you. It’s a parade but it’s interesting because we tend to, when we go through breakups, we tend to do things that were normally not doing in the relationship break up. It’s not like I’m going to do more of that
The Boyfriend: 00:04:55 in this probably because you weren’t having, you weren’t being yourself in that relationship or you weren’t. You didn’t have the space to be yourself, which probably a sign of a breakout or a bad relationship which leads to breakups. So
Leanne: 00:05:09 I think it is a possible sign of a bad relationship, but who knows? Maybe there are people who like what they’ve morphed into after they’ve been in a couple of them for awhile.
The Boyfriend: 00:05:20 Yeah, I’m sure. I’m sure that it is, but whether that’s healthy or not, who knows? So, so what’s, what, why the question today?
Leanne: 00:05:28 I actually can’t say this was my idea. I got this idea from today’s guest. Wow. So who’s our guest today? Our guest today is John Lenore. He’s an aspiring actor and writer. He came very, very, very, very well prepared today. And I’ll let you tell. I’ll let him tell you his story. So without further ado,
Leanne: 00:06:10 thank you for joining me here at life after divorce. Good to have you here. Good to be here. And so you drove in all the way from Anaheim? Yup. Yup. Can you miss the traffic? Which is nice. So we’re here today. We want to hear about you because you’ve been divorced once, right? Correct. Right. And it’s been, how many years?
John Lenore: 00:06:29 Well, it’s, it’s a long process, but we started the process I think in 2014 and it’s almost finalized. There’s been some paperwork problems because we lived in different states. So, getting the paperwork in and accepted and everything has been a bit of a challenge. But I did get an email this week that it was resubmitted to the courts, I guess they’d like turned it down because they didn’t like the notary or something crazy like that, so, we had to resubmit it, but it’s almost almost done. But we’ve been living apart for since about 2012.
Leanne: 00:07:08 Wow. So it’s amazing to me how long it can take to process paperwork for something and it just kind of drags it out for you.
John Lenore: 00:07:16 Yeah, it can be really short process. I mean, my sister got a divorce and it was, seemed like it was started in over in six months. And where does she live in Michigan? Oh really?
Leanne: 00:07:26 Interesting. Well, mine have been in Nevada, both my divorces and they were done within a couple of weeks from beginning to end. It seemed so quick.
John Lenore: 00:07:34 Yeah. And it’s cheap. It can be very fast and very affordable. Well, you’re a woman so it’s gonna be cheap, but it’s still going to expensive in Nevada. But
Leanne: 00:07:43 no, I was the one who paid the. I was the one who hired the attorney and we use the same attorney and we just split the $500 fee and then the second time it was the same attorney I went back to and we fit the thousand dollar fee and he doubled his price on me and I said, well dude, I’m like, what are you doing? It was only $500 the first time. He’s like, well, clearly you didn’t learn anything, so I’m charging you double.
John Lenore: 00:08:06 It seems like it should be a reverse, you know, it should be less now. He already knows all your information and stuff. He just needs to change the other person’s name.
Leanne: 00:08:14 I always joke that I should get a vip card and just punched like at a subway or something like yeah, you should get punches, although you don’t really want to get to like 20 divorces just to get a free one.
New Speaker: 00:08:23 I really don’t. So I heard recently that there are some people who’ve been an upwards of like a lot of divorces and I’m like, are you kidding me? So you’re, you’re on your first
John Lenore: 00:08:32 door on the first one. Yep. Almost almost completed.
New Speaker: 00:08:36 No, the last. And so when did you. Well, first of all, we know he drove in from Anaheim. Where are you from originally?
John Lenore: 00:08:44 I’m originally from the Detroit area originally from Michigan. That makes sense. And that’s where your sister still is? My most of my family still lives in the Midwest. my daughter and x live Iowa, but most of my family lives in Michigan. It’s nice and cold there right now. Oh yeah.
New Speaker: 00:09:00 So, so you were in Michigan, is that where you and your ex?
John Lenore: 00:09:04 Yes. Oh, okay. And how’d you meet? we, she was a, she’s foreign and she was in the country working as a nanny and I had met a nanny at a bar, a nanny, nanny, nanny hangout bar. But yeah, they were all hanging out there one night and I really, really all together like four of them and they were all at this club and I, I picked one up and there was this other one I set up with my friend and mine ended up going away. Mine usually go and his, he ended up marrying the girl that I introduced him to and that girl introduced me to my eventual a wife. Okay. And so the one you said they go the joy, what route do they usually go? Well, it’s just at the one I picked. It was like it didn’t go very far within a month it was, it was over, but the one I picked for him worked out great.
New Speaker: 00:09:58 And then in return he gave you the favor of introducing youtube, you’re almost next wife.
John Lenore: 00:10:03 He did and for a long time it was a really positive uplifting story and then we both got divorced and it wasn’t quite the hallmark movie that we thought it would be.
New Speaker: 00:10:14 Yeah. So it was really good. For how long did you know each other before you got married? But it was pretty quick, wasn’t it?
John Lenore: 00:10:21 Yeah. I only knew her for six months before we got married and that’s a very short amount of time. It is. It is. It wasn’t ideal. We wanted a longer engagement, but because of the immigration issues, right, it would have been difficult for her to leave. And then come back, some countries that’s easier than other countries, should I even ask where she’s from. She’s from Latvia, arches silver by Lithuania, Estonia, kind of the old Russian republics and got it. And so it was best if you guys got married to keep her here. Well, it was, that wasn’t really why we did it. It was just that to not do it that way. And for her to go back, I guess some countries don’t necessarily give there’s ladies visas to get married, you know, and go somewhere else. I may have had to go there to marry her or we would have had to go through an expensive process to, not all countries are like that, but it would have been a complicated.
John Lenore: 00:11:24 You would have been a lot more complicated and it. But in retrospect I think that it would have given us the time we needed to kind of realize that we were rushing into it or that we needed to reconsider some more things. So it would have been better I think for her to go back and just kind of go that route. That’s the route my friend, when his, his, the one that he met, the nanny he met with a, she went back to her home country of Argentina for a while and had to do paperwork and stuff. And, but he was, he was the whole time she was, she was, he was worried that she wasn’t gonna come back.
New Speaker: 00:11:54 So how long was their engagement along?
John Lenore: 00:11:57 Well, they knew each other for about nine months before they decided to get married, but then she went home for another three months I think while she was doing the paperwork stuff.
New Speaker: 00:12:08 So it gave them some time to kind of go through some. Gave her time to reconsider. Yeah. Interesting. So, okay, so you guys got married in six months? Yep. And what happened next?
John Lenore: 00:12:20 we stayed married for about 15 years. That’s a long time. Well, it’s long. And Leanne?
New Speaker: 00:12:29 Yes it is. It’s like a lifetime. You could have been married four times at least. Let’s see if I average about two and a half years each piece.
John Lenore: 00:12:41 But yours are probably. That’s a more exciting way to do it. Did it doesn’t get stale as fast when it’s every.
New Speaker: 00:12:46 Well, I just look at it, you know, is when I was performing and stuff in New York. I just looked at it as like I did all the marriage and divorce and celebrity stuff first and now I’m focusing on my skills. I just did it backwards. So, so, so 15 years and that’s including up until now, right? Or no, up until 2014.
John Lenore: 00:13:08 The end of 99. Okay. So you could say 12 years from when we sort of started the process a or you could say 17 years because it’s still going on. Right. So I figure 15 is kind of in the middle.
New Speaker: 00:13:23 Safe. Yeah. So, so you guys have been splitting up for some time. How has it, how has it been, how do you feel?
John Lenore: 00:13:31 well I kinda, you know, in preparation for the podcast that was kind of thinking of like the, the best things about being divorced and the worst things about being divorced. And, I talked to a buddy of mine about it, who, the same guy that, he’s also divorced and we kind of talked through some of those items and I, you know, I could come up with 10 great things about being divorced. I can come up with 10 bad things, but, I think it just depends on the situation.
New Speaker: 00:14:02 So tell me what, what those best things are the best things.
John Lenore: 00:14:09 Well, in reviewing the, the best things I realized and the, the worst things as well, I realized that a lot of them are just, are not necessarily great just because I’m your divorce. They’re great because nobody’s living with you or so. But you could have the same problems with a roommate as a wife,
New Speaker: 00:14:32 right? Say the great things about having a craigslist roommate and the best things about not having,
John Lenore: 00:14:36 right. You could use a lot of, I would say 70 percent of them were the same. So if I, you know, if I filtered those ones out, but like, I guess if I filter those ones out, number nine on my list is that new girls have shorter memories, a women you’re married to or you’ve been going out with a long time, they seem to remember everything wrong you’ve ever done in your life and it will come up in ways that you will be arguing about a sandwich and then you’ll be reminded that 13 years ago you said something insensitive at a party. Now I don’t have to worry about that. Now I meet women, they may be crazy, they may have all kinds of problems, but at least they don’t remind me of, you know, crap I did
New Speaker: 00:15:26 10 years ago because they didn’t know you then. Right? But right now they’re cataloging it, cataloging it for later. But that’s okay because there won’t be a later, there might not be a later. It’s a good chance there’s not going to be a later. Fair enough. Okay. So that’s a good thing. That’s a good thing.
John Lenore: 00:15:42 and then the other two, number two on my list was like, it’s kind of similar is that you don’t live in fear. I don’t mean fear Lake
New Speaker: 00:15:55 people. Again, I want to clarify this because that sounds good
John Lenore: 00:15:59 that I’m not saying live in fear like a woman who’s being beaten. That’s obviously a really high level of fear. I’m talking about just the fear that you’re going to do something or say something wrong and you’re going to get, you know, a cold shoulder, you’re going to have to fight about it. You’re gonna. I’m not really big on confrontation and that probably wasn’t the best strategy for marriage. I think you have to have some conflict. And we were very non-conflict. We never fought. We never yelled.
New Speaker: 00:16:29 Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time? I did. And that’s just the beginning.
John Lenore: 00:16:34 No, but about two years in. Really? Yeah, about two years in. It felt like, okay, you can either be yourself and do your own thing and, and you know, deal with the ramifications or you can walk on eggshells. That’s concerning. So, so that was probably my number two and
New Speaker: 00:16:54 and that was the best thing that you don’t feel that way anymore. Thank you for clarifying because I almost
John Lenore: 00:17:00 got into my negative. no but, and, and number one is also kind of related in that, and this is for guys, I think this would be their number one on most of their lists is that once you’re divorced nobody really bugs you anymore. Like all the time I can get up, I can do whatever I want. I come home when I want and go where I want and I’m not going to have to, you know, get bothered and nobody’s gonna yeah, nobody’s going to judge. Nobody’s gonna
New Speaker: 00:17:35 come down. Yeah.
John Lenore: 00:17:36 Like why are you wearing though? You wear those clothes yesterday, you know, what are you doing? Why are you, why are you watching that game? You know, it’s like, so I’d say those were the three that were sort of marriage related on the best list that had nothing do with your roommate situation.
New Speaker: 00:17:51 Basically. You kind of like living on your own.
John Lenore: 00:17:54 I do, I do like, but I like living on my, on my own, except for bedtime and wake up time all the rest of the time. I’m fine living on my own. Are you scared of the dark? No, I wish that was a good answer though. I wish that was my answer.
New Speaker: 00:18:10 So what were the best? Get a nightlight? Are the best things about being divorced? What are the worst things about?
John Lenore: 00:18:16 well, worst things again, I looked at the list and like seven out of the 12 were a roommate related,
New Speaker: 00:18:26 you know, impress. You have. Okay. So just so you guys know, because you guys can’t see this, our listeners, is that John came fully prepared with like a legal pad of notes for you guys. So this is incredible. I want you guys to everybody, everybody at home to take out a pad of paper, write this down. This is good stuff.
John Lenore: 00:18:44 And I want everybody at home to realize that I didn’t really come that prepared. I just have a pen and two little pieces of paper I jotted a bunch of crap on. But but no fruit for worst, and, and this is one that I wanted to bring up because I recently went on your website and I saw that you did like a little video and you actually kind of talked about this, but given the timing of this podcast, you know, like you go home for Christmas and all that kind of stuff. I’d say number 10 on my worst list was holidays, especially this time because this was like the first time I was back home with relatives I hadn’t seen in a long time. You know, you start to see people at holiday time, they haven’t seen you since you were married and it’s a very tricky situation and you kind of were walking through some, you know, humorous ways to deal with it. But, it is kind of tricky.
New Speaker: 00:19:37 It is, it’s very tricky because people don’t know what to say or they think they know what to say and leaves you in a very awkward position
New Speaker: 00:19:46 at the time.
John Lenore: 00:19:47 And it’s important to remember that, you know, even though it’s an uncomfortable kind of horrible feeling for you. And I think you might’ve touched on this in your video, it’s also kind of horrible for them because they don’t know what do
New Speaker: 00:19:58 and they don’t know and there’s always that chance, you know, we walk a fine line. that’s, I think that’s the biggest thing that I ran into when I was going through my divorces because I, my ex husband and I had worked together for a long time, so going into work every day, I was always confronted with people’s questions, whether it was a questioning look or comment or whatever it may be. And that was my challenge and I, I had to find that comfort zone because number one, I had to work with these people so I didn’t want to make it horrible and I didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or be abrasive. But I had to find that place where it took the tension out and made it okay. So like they did their due diligence and making sure I was okay by asking the question, even though it may have been inappropriate and I got in,
New Speaker: 00:20:48 it was up to me to get them off the hook. Yeah. If that makes sense.
John Lenore: 00:20:52 Yeah. And that, but that’s it. It’s a, it’s an awkward time and holidays and family and you know, you covered it in your video, but a number nine on my list is that I miss my dog because she got the dog in the divorce. So, but, and then there’s, there’s the money side of it, which is not as nice as what we talked about earlier in California. It can be, I would say the money side of it is why the process went from being, you know, a six month or two month process to being, you know, years and years because we actually started talking about divorce in 2009. But financially there was just no way it was gonna work and unfortunately you hear that a lot, especially when you talk to, to male divorce a is that, you know, they, they wanted to divorce sooner or they both wanted a divorce sooner, but financially there was just no way to make it work.
New Speaker: 00:21:48 And that’s unfortunate. But it is because I can’t imagine having that drag out. And I’ve heard this from so many people, so I, I feel for you to know that something’s over yet still be connected. That person, it takes that much longer to heal, I would think.
John Lenore: 00:22:04 Oh yeah. And I mean in 2014, my ex actually moved in with me for a year as she was looking for work in California.
New Speaker: 00:22:12 So was that extremely challenging or challenging? Doesn’t even do it justice. So horrifying.
John Lenore: 00:22:19 It was a, it was very, very uncomfortable. She slept in my daughter’s room with my daughter and I slept in my room and all of her stuff was Kinda just sitting everywhere, unpack or not, you know, still packed up. And you know, obviously I wasn’t doing any dating or anything like that. but it was, yeah, it was very uncomfortable and very
John Lenore: 00:22:42 nerve wracking
Leanne: 00:22:42 talking about walking on eggshells.
John Lenore: 00:22:42 Oh yeah. Especially when you know, it’s, you know, it’s already in the works, right?
Leanne: 00:22:42 I mean, that’s terrible. I’ve been in a similar situation that with my ex husband, but where we are stuck living together for awhile and it was just a nightmare. Not An easy thing to thing, and you’ve been that. You did that for a long period of time. Yes.
John Lenore: 00:22:42 Yeah. I’m number six on my list, which is one that I was going to ask you about because this one was kind of unique is you have no more firsts. and what I mean by that is once you’re, you get married and you do all that kind of stuff, maybe you have kids, maybe don’t. Whatever. You’re not ever going to be the first anything anymore. You’re not going to be the person’s first. You know, it’s not going to be your first marriage. It’s not going to be your first divorce in, right? In
John Lenore: 00:23:39 some cases. And in both cases it wouldn’t be our first divorce. you know, it’s not going to be our first sexual is to be our first lover, is not gonna be a first relationship. All of our firsts are kind of behind us now. And that’s kind of difficult to deal with. and, and I can get into that a little more because my friend and I and we talked about it, we talked about the stigma of divorce and how you deal with that and that’s kind of related in that, you know, there’s, if you’ve been divorced, there’s two guaranteed things about you no matter what the situation. One is that you failed at marriage, right? It doesn’t necessarily mean it was your fault. It just means that in terms of the definition of a successful marriage versus a unsuccessful, yours does not meet the definition of successful because you’re divorced.
New Speaker: 00:24:30 Don’t you find that? I’m going to stop there. Don’t you find. How do you feel when people say, Oh, you, your marriage failed? Oh yeah. Have you come across that?
John Lenore: 00:24:39 Well, it, it relates to another one on the list which is failure is that, some people I think deal with it. Okay. but other people I think have trouble with it. I mean, my friend and I, we talked about that at great length was that you, you feel like a failure. You failed to live up to your vows. You failed to stay married, you know, you failed your kids, you fit, so you have that feeling of failure all the time and you know, some people can get past it. but it’s always there.
New Speaker: 00:25:15 And do you feel that way now mostly, or have you gotten past it?
John Lenore: 00:25:18 No, I say I still feel it now. And one of the thing about the, about both the lists when I kind of looked over them, is that
John Lenore: 00:25:27 the, the underlying theme in terms of whether or not you’re going to be happy after your divorce or whether you’re not, you’re going to be sad as depressing and not uplifting as the answer is a, it seems like people who find somebody else are happy, people don’t are sad. Now there may be exceptions to that. You know, there’s people like me that love to be alone and stuff, but as me and my friend were talking about, if when you run into somebody, you say you’re divorced, are you happy? And they say yes. Was like a 97 percent chance that they’re dating someone. They’re in a relationship. Well yeah, they’ve had that ability to move on and if you meet, even if they haven’t moved on, but they just, you know, on the rebound and they found somebody having somebody in their life if fulfilling that role seems to make them better, make them better.
New Speaker: 00:26:22 Right. I’ve noticed that too. it’s interesting because I found that when I would talk to people, shortly after my divorce was final and I don’t remember how people bring stuff. I mean, people bring stuff up there, asked the weirdest questions when you’ve been divorced, when they out or even when you start dating again and they’re like, have you been married before? And you know, and you have to answer that question out on a date, a first date or something. It’s like, yes. And then they asked what happened. And it’s like, number one, I don’t really want to sit there and tell you about my previous relationship. That’s like the number one dating. No, no. Spend your, your dinner and talking about your ex or what happened, you know, and what I found, my, my go to answer was it was meant to be and it’s meant to be over and I’m a couple of times people were like, oh, well you had a couple of failed marriages or something.
New Speaker: 00:27:22 And I was like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, let’s back it up. I don’t consider falling in love with somebody, a failure. I don’t consider it a failure. It didn’t last and maybe it wasn’t supposed to be, but I don’t look at it as necessarily I failed at something if this was what it was. This is what it was supposed to be. And after awhile, you know, it’s kind of like fake it till you make it. I was, I found myself being on the defense of that answer because at the time when I was first going through it, I didn’t feel like I had failed. I knew in my heart that I had tried, you know, I knew I had made efforts with my annex to make things work. And I felt that I had done those things. And so it wasn’t until later that I felt more of the hit of it not working out and maybe I didn’t do enough. But, I, I really took offense when other people would tell me what they thought without knowing any of the facts, you know, that Oh, well you have two failed marriages or do you failed at merge? So it was not like a test and I got graded audit, you know what I mean, but I can understand being that other person and why I would say that as the other person. But being in the place of hurt, I had a hard time dealing with someone comment like that. I don’t know if you do too.
John Lenore: 00:28:37 No, I agree. And I used to listen to a radio show actually. I think the person was based in New York, so you probably know. But Dr. Joy Brown, psychologist, she’s pretty popular radio show back in the. I don’t know if she’s done, but anyway, she had an interesting show and a lot of times people would call in. A lot of times it was women calling you and saying, you know, I’m thinking about getting a divorce, I don’t know what to do. And they would always list all these reasons why they can’t do it. And she would always sort of answer with at the end of their, deliberation, if you had a million dollars, would you divorce? And almost always you can either tell him their voice or in their answer that the answer is yes. And she said if you had a million dollars when you divorced, you should probably get a divorce. Now. There is a hole in that theory and that, yeah, if I had a million dollars I can do a lot of things. But but her point of it is that, you know, you can’t just keep it going, and use a bunch of excuses. and there’s, there’s another stigma with divorce that’s kind of, it’s not just about the failure, it sorta depends on who ended it. Yeah. You know what I mean? For your divorce is who, who ended, who is the one that decided I always the one who decided in both cases.
New Speaker: 00:29:52 Yeah, and I think that’s why I felt justified in being like it wasn’t, it was a decision well made. It wasn’t, you know, so I, I felt more okay with it because I felt I had a say in that decision now going forward and serious, you know, a couple serious relationships I had later, much years and years later after my marriages and it wasn’t my decision that I had a much harder time coping with.
John Lenore: 00:30:19 I think it’s harder to cope with ones when it’s not your decision by my best friend. His wasn’t his decision. His wife just decided and gave him paperwork one day and you know, they didn’t go to counseling or anything like that. She didn’t want to do that. So he was kind of on the receiving end of the shaft. But there’s the one stigma for people who it was their decision. It’s something that he doesn’t have to deal with quite as much as for me, if I meet somebody who’s been divorced and it was their decision, I know that I’m on a pretty short leash, you know, like relationship number two, they’re not going to put up with all the crap they put up with in relationship number one. Relationship number two, you talk about walking on eggshells. You know, they, they know how to push that button. You have your lawyer on speed dial. He’s giving me this way. Yeah, you’re so right. That’s so, it’s. And that’s why they have statistics that show that people who know people that are divorced or more likely to get divorced,
New Speaker: 00:31:20 you know, it’s interesting. So on that note, I would have thought so too. And Him and it’s several relationships afterward, I would say yes, that was true. And then as I’ve gotten older and I’ve had some relationships, you know, in more recent years, it was the exact opposite. It kind of flipped flopped on me and I went from being the person who would end the relationships to the person who was the dumpy rather than a dumper. And I think in my mind as I’ve gotten older, I decided that I wasn’t gonna give up so quickly and I kind of stuck it out even when it was long overdue to get out, like even when the other person’s eye. And I was like, no, I’m going to actually, this time I’m going to actually stick around and try and work this puppy out. And that backfired in my face. So I kind of went from one side of it all the time and then I went and tried the other side and that didn’t work either. So, so there is hope that people can change over time, but I think you’re right. I guess I can see why they would say that. That’s very interesting. So now when you date, somebody gives. You’ve been dating, right? Yes. And then have you met someone else who’s been divorced?
John Lenore: 00:32:31 Oh, a lot of people. Lot of people. And everybody in my age range is going to be.
New Speaker: 00:32:34 And so do you feel that though, when you meet somebody else that like you said, you’re on a short leash.
John Lenore: 00:32:39 I feel like if you know, this might be why when you’re out dating and people ask you, well not now, but when you’re out, when you were out dating, if people asked you, you know what, tell me about your divorce. One of the reasons I would ask that question is that even if I know you’ve been divorced, I wanna Kinda know why. Was it because your ex was kind of a Douche or was it because you’re crazy and you know, and in order to find that out you kind of got to figure out who ended it and you gotta kind of figure out why. One of the questions I used to always ask on a date, I think it annoyed people. So I stopped. Was what was the thing you liked most about your ex? Rather than ask them all the. Because if you start asking a girl why they hate their acts, that’s going to take up two hours of time.
John Lenore: 00:33:26 And it’s going to be a downer, but if you ask her, what did you like about, at least you know that she can look at it in a fair way and say, you know what, it wasn’t a good situation. I’m glad I got out. But yes, there were some great things about him. If you meet someone and they’re still in the mindset of there’s nothing good about him, he’s a horrible human being and deserves to die. They might not be ready to date. They might still have some issues they need to work on. Does that make sense?
New Speaker: 00:33:53 No, that makes total sense. And that’s a good a good on you for finding the question, right? Questions to ask somebody in that situation because instead of you saying, I want to know whose fault this whole thing was. You know what I mean? Like imagine a. those are some good questions and that’s how I don’t remember what I would ask people. I don’t even know how many people I dated that ended up being divorced later. Maybe I felt. I’m sure a lot of them had never been married. Yeah. A lot of the people who I’ve dated, I’ve actually never been married and yeah, I was one being interrogated than not. Then the other way round,
John Lenore: 00:34:37 I, I’ve had some women who, you know, and again, Dr Roy Brown in her show, she always tells you that once you get a divorce you should wait a year and not date for an entire year. That’s a smart move. I think it’s smart. It’s just really hard to do. Absolutely. Because like I said, you’re going to be miserable until you meet somebody else. So essentially she’s saying be miserable for an entire year.
New Speaker: 00:34:59 I don’t know if I’d be. Would you really be miserable until you felt someone on someone else?
John Lenore: 00:35:04 I wouldn’t be miserable myself because I like being alone. But like I said, when you talked to people who’ve been divorced, the number one differentiation between happy and sad is somebody are they with somebody? And if there is intentionally not dating for a year, that’s going to be a pretty miserable year for them. It’s going to be cool for like the first three months because there’s going to be running around the house naked and watching videos and playing video games because they got nobody to police them. Their mother, them in your words, describe to all men. So for the first three months it’s gonna be like a kid in a candy store. But then after that they’re going to like look around and say, well, this stinks, you know. And but yeah, I, I, I ran into a situation that was kind of a funny story is I was on a website, this was early on in my online dating thing and I wrote on one of my pro.
John Lenore: 00:35:55 I made kind of like a funny profile just to joke around. And in there I was, like, I said something, I had a list of like all my things were if like this applied to you, I’m out, you know, and they, they’re meant to be funny and most people took them that way. One of the things on the list was if you don’t drink, I’m not interested. And then I put to qualify that I said, because, you know, I’m really not that entertaining if you’re sober. And it was meant as a joke, but there was one lady that replied and she was irate, you know, she was like, well, I saw your profile, I guess you’re not interested in me because I don’t drink. And it’s like, well then why did you respond to the bio? Now you’re just being kind of mean. So I responded to her and asked, you know, about just I told her it was meant as, you know, to be kind of funny. But, and she was the most angry person. Like she was so mad. She went into this big, you know, a essay about how her husband drank too much and he cheated on her multiple times. And I’m like, okay, this is way too far and where I need to smoke way more weed than your smoking right now because you’re angry and stressing me.
New Speaker: 00:37:09 It’s interesting. And so, so going back to your list, well the last two on the list that were divorced, related or kind of like the biggest bummer. I don’t know,
John Lenore: 00:37:19 do you have kids?
Leanne: 00:37:20 No, I don’t.
John Lenore: 00:37:21 Okay. None that you know of. Well, for you, you’re going to know. But the, the kid related ones were number two and number one on the list. And number two is you fear. You fear that you’ve damaged the kids somehow being, you know, being divorced when you don’t have kids, no matter how bad you think it is, is so much better than being divorced when, when you have kids and it’s, you cons. Every time something happens in your kid’s life that’s negative, whether they fail a test or they, you know, cry about something, you immediately think up, I’ve screwed them up. You know, like that’s every guy I know that has a daughter and his guys divorced.
John Lenore: 00:38:07 Their biggest fear is that because of the divorce or daughter’s going to be a stripper and every guy brings that up, no matter what the guy, no matter their religion, their ethnicity, every time you talk to them it’s like, yeah, I’m just, I’m worried she’s going to be on the pole and it’s going to be because I got a divorce. And, and then, and that leads to number one, which is telling the kids, telling your kids is going to be the hardest, worst step of the divorce. Even if your husband beats you up because you wanted to divorce him, I would take a beating over. Telling the kids, telling the kids is a horrible experience.
New Speaker: 00:38:42 How did you, how did you approach your daughter? Right. You have a daughter?
John Lenore: 00:38:47 I have a daughter.
New Speaker: 00:38:48 And how old was she when you had to tell her?
John Lenore: 00:38:50 well now I have to remember how old she is now. She was probably 11 or 12 when we told her, I think 11.
New Speaker: 00:39:01 Okay. That’s a hard age already. You’re getting into right before the teenage. Preteens? Yeah. So were you the one who told her?
John Lenore: 00:39:10 Well it was supposed to be a joint thing, but then the wife kind of couldn’t really take it. So she left and went and stood in the hallway. But that’s not uncommon. You sit down with the intent that you’re going to tell them together and then you realize how horrible of a process this is. And you just said sometimes you can’t take it. And I was able to tell her and but she did not take it very well and it was, it was horrible. But it subsides.
Leanne: 00:39:41 How is she doing now?
John Lenore: 00:39:42 Pretty good from what I know. But again, I don’t know
New Speaker: 00:39:45 mean she’s not on the pole. No, but she’s pretty young for that. So start off to a good start. Okay. So that’s rough. What else? Did you have another one on there?
John Lenore: 00:39:56 Well, no, those were one and two. All of the other ones. I realized we’re all of the ones on the best list work, you know, things that were like roommate related. Like for instance, my bathroom makes more sense now for years. I had no idea what the hell was going on in my bathroom. There were things everywhere, there were cans of everything. there were all kinds of little tools and things that I guess women used like on their face and little crimpy things and baskets and baskets of like loofahs and all kinds of stuff. So now I can go in my bathroom and it’s like shaving cream, a toothbrush. Everything makes sense.
New Speaker: 00:40:38 You’re good?
John Lenore: 00:40:38 Yeah. I don’t,
Leanne: 00:40:40 Probably don’t even have a bath mat on the floor.
John Lenore: 00:40:42 I do. But I, I had a bath mat and they tried to put it in the Washer and I guess they’re not made for that or something because all it did was dissolved into a bunch of strings.
John Lenore: 00:40:54 No, I had to get another one.
Leanne: 00:40:56 Usually you can put them in the Washer and dryer.
John Lenore: 00:40:58 Maybe I put it in the dryer. So I did.
Leanne: 00:41:01 The bottoms are rubber, so if you put it in the dryer it’s probably gonna.
John Lenore: 00:41:04 Well, whenever I did I screwed it up, but then I found one that was really cool at Ross and so I got that one. But once it gets dirty, I’m of gun shy with Washington. I might just throw it out there right now. Get a new one. you know, things like health insurance is a little cheaper. That’s not a pet ownership is easier. You can have a,
Leanne: 00:41:23 Oh, you can have a pet or you didn’t have a pet before. That’s got the dog. No, she got the dog.
John Lenore: 00:41:28 Well, if you’re, if you’re married, pet ownership is easier if you have somebody, you know, Co parenting the pet, right? You have the bed to yourself, which at times is horrible when you’re in it. Yeah, right. At times that’s horrible. But at times, especially in that first few months, it’s awesome. Sick your whole, you know, you have your whole universe there. You can roll around, you can sleep upside down, you can do whatever you want. There’s nobody pulling covers off you are. That’s great.
New Speaker: 00:42:03 Gosh, you guys didn’t have a good time sleeping. Well, it’s,
John Lenore: 00:42:08 if you slept together with somebody for 15 years, having them out of the bed, like once in a while you’re kind of like, ugh.
New Speaker: 00:42:14 Got It. Okay. Yeah. You know, it’s like you can spread out, you can imagine what 15 years is like. So I guess that’s why I didn’t understand that one.
John Lenore: 00:42:24 My buddy brought this one up, which is a given on any guy list, is that there’s a possibility you’re going to get laid by new
New Speaker: 00:42:32 new fresh meat.
John Lenore: 00:42:34 Yes
Leanne: 00:42:36 Who’s this buddy you’re bringing,
John Lenore: 00:42:36 you know, it’s the guy that I told you about who is also divorced and he met his wife should have him on the podcast.
John Lenore: 00:42:41 We should, I’m going to, I’m going to tell him that he should do it. Don’t you come back. We’ll have a discussion. We’ll have to call in from Michigan. But, but yeah, he also, he also brought up one that I didn’t have a, my list, he said never having to compromise, which is interesting. because it kind of depends on what kind of relationship you had. Like one of the problems in my marriage was, I don’t think we ever really did compromise. We just did our own thing. you know, like he said, well, you know what? I said, what do you mean by never having to compromise? And he said, well, like I can watch whatever I want on TV and you know, I don’t have to watch what she wants to watch. So. Well, you know, that’s not really a reason to get a divorce. But granted if your wife’s watching like the bachelor and desperate housewives and stuff, it’s going to drive you crazy. But I don’t know if it’s divorcing him crazy, but but never having to compromise and I would say that for me never having to compromise meant something a little bit different and that is you know, with your hobbies and stuff, you don’t have to do things they want to do. Again, not a great reason to divorce. And to play devil’s advocate, one of the advantages for me of having a relationship is that they make you do things, things
New Speaker: 00:44:02 that you wouldn’t normally do. I mean there is the upside of that because there was a lot of things I ended up doing or places I would travel as a result, you know, that I would never have gotten otherwise.
John Lenore: 00:44:12 Oh absolutely.
Leanne: 00:44:13 No, but wouldn’t have any reason to do that. And at the same time, you know, I do remember when I got my second divorce as I was like, thank God I don’t ever have to golf again. It’s like, oh, that was like watching paint dry. And then what did I do? Like a year later I joined a golf league. But it’s, it
New Speaker: 00:44:32 is. I think there is a lot of compromise to it and there are pros and cons to it. Absolutely. I mean, it, it comes with anything you get is going to come with the good and the bad.
John Lenore: 00:44:42 And on the worst list, you know, there’s little things like, this is probably one of my little but also really annoying things is applying suntan lotion at the beach sucks when you don’t have someone to do it for you. I always ended up with like a little red.in the center of my back, but I couldn’t quite reach. so that’s cool. I’m not having to deal with like hookers or anything like that. That’s a good thing. When you’re married you have to pay for it.
New Speaker: 00:45:10 Well, no. Yeah. Your wife page for your hookers when your married?
John Lenore: 00:45:12 Well, yeah, depending on your marriage, but if you’re sick or hung over, you have somebody to, you know, that’s always nice and comforting. we talked a little bit about the stigma already. the, the one, and we talked about failure and guilt, but I guess the only other one on my list was, and this was one that my, my buddy also talked about at great length is the loneliness factor and the loneliness factor is huge after you’ve been divorced because you, especially if you’ve been together with somebody for 15 years, you’re used to somebody being around and now there’s nothing. There’s nobody and and guys don’t have the same social network that women have. We don’t have those close people that we meet with for coffee every Monday or something. you know, we, I have a couple close friends that don’t live in the state. I have some other friends, but guys develop friendships slowly and it takes a long time. This is true, guys do do that. Yeah, we don’t, we don’t have a lot of close friends. We have a lot of people. We know we have a lot of acquaintances, but to develop a, you know, bonding with guys takes years and years and years,
New Speaker: 00:46:29 right? Whereas girls we throw on a pair of yoga pants, grab a coffee cup, go walk a dog, and we have like 10 new friends by in an hour.
John Lenore: 00:46:35 It’s crazy. It’s crazy. I don’t know how you guys keep track of all that, but yeah, the, the the lonely. The thing about the loneliness in my and my buddy was the one that brought it up and he’s absolutely right, is that loneliness kind of trumps misery and that’s why you see a lot of people in bad marriages and they stay married for a long time and they do everything they can to work it out. Even if they don’t have kids is that they’d rather be miserable than lonely. And that’s everything on my, of of those 70 percent that I removed, a lot of them, like I said, you can cure them or by just finding somebody else and, and the ones on the best list you would definitely give up if you could find somebody else.
New Speaker: 00:47:22 Well, here’s a question for you. Do you necessarily cure that loneliness by just finding anyone or you just filling a void, a temp, you know, kind of temporary fix?
John Lenore: 00:47:37 Well, it depends on if there’s someone else you find is temporary,
New Speaker: 00:47:40 you know, because I mean, yeah, you could find somebody, but is it going to be the right somebody? Because sometimes you know, I’ve dated some people where I don’t feel very connected. I mean I might spend time with them, but there’s not a huge connection and so that loneliness doesn’t necessarily go away and it’s another thing to be in a relationship where you’re supposed to be have a partnership. You know, I remember feeling this way with one of my marriages and I felt very alone and I felt very alone and yet I was married and that was worse than being single and being alone because at least single being alone, I was supposed to be allowed. I was single, you know,
John Lenore: 00:48:20 I see exactly what you’re saying. And I guess the way I look at it and the way my buddy was looking at it is that at least when you’re married, there are some good times in there now if your marriage is at the point where every single minute of every single day is a disaster. But yeah, that’s, that’s different. But if you’re in a regular marriage that’s just kind of going downhill. And I know exactly what you mean because I felt the same way I felt loan in the marriage because I was living, you know, sort of my own life. And she was living her, felt like you were kind of roommates. but if you have, you know, if you had, there were also some good times that you had and you almost would be willing to deal with the misery for those few good times. And the hopes and the hopes of good, you know, of things maybe turning around. But yeah, loneliness tends to trump trump misery. And, that’s like I said, if you meet somebody and they’re upset about being divorced, it’s probably because they’re not dating anybody right now.
New Speaker: 00:49:26 And I noticed, did you start dating, you didn’t start dating right away because you were living together still?
John Lenore: 00:49:34 well we separated in 2012 and I moved to California and she was still living in Illinois. And then my daughter moved out in 2012 as well. I did start dating very little, but I did start dating in 2013. But it was uncomfortable because my daughter didn’t know that the divorce was definitely going to happen and when, and we didn’t really want to tell her until we knew for sure what was going on obviously. so I started dating just to kind of get, I mean, it’s been a long time, a lot of things changed in 15 years, so I was trying to get my feet wet and, but it was just such a problem dating when, when the process wasn’t done yet because lots of women, and rightfully so, you know, would look at that like, oh, well you’re just dating me and then you’re going back home to your wife.
John Lenore: 00:50:25 And it’s like I slept with my wife and four years. But you know, my, it, I understand where they’re coming from too. There’s probably about a sleazeball guys out there like, oh, I’m getting a divorce, you know, and then you find out and then 10 years later they’re still getting a divorce. Yeah. So I get it. I understand. But it was, it was also really problematic because you can’t really bring somebody home if you have a child there and you know, and they don’t. And the child doesn’t know yet. So leave your kid there by herself. Right. So it was so as a, it was problematic, but it was just something I did very, very slightly. So how did
New Speaker: 00:51:02 you get through that? What got you through those times of loneliness if you weren’t really dating? What did you do?
John Lenore: 00:51:10 well, you masturbate a lot. That helps. It goes without saying, right? That’s gonna help because guys are really physical. So, when they say they’re lonely, that could mean that they’re emotionally lonely or it could mean that they just need seven minutes of your time or whatever their thing is. But but yeah, I think, and I, I think I focused a lot on other things. I focused on things that I hadn’t really worked, did anything with, during the marriage. I focused on writing, I focused on comedy and I focused on, projects, that I used to do when I was married just to get away from my wife and now I can do kind of openly, I can, I can take all the parts of, you know, something out and spread them out on a blanket on my, you know, on the kitchen counter and I’m not going to get yelled at or you know, have them moved or thrown away. So there’s a, you know, I got to do all those kinds of things and they kind of took my mind off, off the loneliness a little bit.
New Speaker: 00:52:16 They say when you get busy you get better. Yeah. So did you start doing comedy as a result after your divorce or were you doing that all along?
John Lenore: 00:52:25 I was writing all along. I started writing jokes and stuff back in. I want to say the 2000, 99, 2011, somewhere around there. But I never really, I, I was, I guess a bit scared of the stage. I was never good at acting or anything or getting up onstage in front of people. However, with my, my day job that I had, I would, I would always do trainings and things so I got better at getting up in front of people and then I started doing like karaoke just to get comfortable and that, that helped. And then one day, one of my friends who’s a, a standup comedian, he, we were at an open mic and he said, okay, you know, just go up there and do it. And and then I started doing it, but I’ve been doing standup side of it for about nine months. And but I’ve been writing for over 15 years. I have a lot of, I have a lot of material. I can’t say how much of it is good, but you have a lot of it. I look at it and it’s so old that I’m just like, what the hell was I even talking about?
New Speaker: 00:53:33 That’s fair.
John Lenore: 00:53:34 I should use a recorder, but I, I’m, I’m very old school. I still as you, as you mentioned, I still write. I have a note pad in every room, so when I think of things I write
New Speaker: 00:53:44 so many comics do, everybody carries around a little notebook and a pen
John Lenore: 00:53:47 and they say, well why don’t you just record it? And I’m like, because I don’t like the way my voice sounds and yeah, it’s annoying me.
New Speaker: 00:53:52 I don’t, I don’t usually record in your mind either. I usually pen the paper. Yeah, that’s how I, that’s how I do and sometimes if I want to organize it I’ll use note cards and sometimes I’ll throw it on the computer depending on if what I have with me, but more often than not it’s always pen to paper. Yeah, lots of notebooks, lots of notebooks. I always have to have like a bunch of them on hand.
John Lenore: 00:54:13 I, I did a podcast and a book about three months ago and it was funny because the sound guy on the podcast who is also participating that we, the host asked what’s the most frustrating thing about writing? Because I write the jokes and stuff, but I also write, I’m writing, I’m trying to write a TV show. I’m writing a few books and you know, the, the sound guy said, well, the toughest thing for me is trying to find a pen, you know, like you spend 30 minutes wandering around, like, where did I put my pencil? You know, and so it’s it. And it’s so true because I, I sit down, I’m like, okay, I’m going to get some done today. I’m gonna write, I’m gonna write a chapter and 30 minutes later I’m like, what the hell did I do with my note pad?
New Speaker: 00:55:00 You know, I always lose something. I’ll be like, I sit down, I have everything, and then I’m like, oh, I need a glass of water, get up. And I’m like, where to put my glasses? And I said, you know where to put this, where I put that. Do you, do you write any material about your relationships and your marriage?
John Lenore: 00:55:17 A little bit? I don’t, I don’t have a lot about marriage. I mean, I’ve, I do some stuff, it’s Kinda like how this, this, you know, when I was thinking about this podcast is that it’s a, it’s a difficult podcast to do because it’s, it’s about a topic that isn’t funny. You know, it’s kind of like having comedians come in and talk about, you know, being raped. You might be able to make that funny if you’re really, really good. But you know, if you have the right crowd, but it’s, it’s, it’s not a funny topic and you have to try to make light of it when, so I think a lot of my materials on dating more so than it is on the actual marriage. I did, I did say a that, you know, it’s, it’s hard, have to think about what that joke was. But it was a, I think it was that it’s hard looking at pornography after you’re married because now I look at pornography. But I think of other pornography that I’d like to look at so that. So that was kind of marriage related, but most of mine are dating.
New Speaker: 00:56:23 That’s an interesting. Most all of my material is being on marriage and divorce.
John Lenore: 00:56:29 It’s tricky. I mean you’re, you know, you’re qualified and you know, you know how to make it work. But it’s a tricky topic.
New Speaker: 00:56:36 It is. And is the other interesting thing that I’ve found and I’m so glad you said it because you know, you being in your comic, you’re doing comedy, you’ve been writing for 15 years, but you can’t find this funny. And the people I’ve been talking to for this podcast have all been comics so far. Most of them all. There’s been a few that haven’t, but all the comics that I am talking to you, I was surprised in some respects because everyone took it so seriously and it is not a cop, a topic that they’re laughing about, you know? And everybody’s been so open and honest and awesome about sharing your experiences. But in my mind it’s been a little bit somewhat surprising because I wasn’t anticipating that so much because I have such a different take on my experience. So it’s, it’s. Yeah, it’s,
John Lenore: 00:57:33 yeah. The one thing that I will say, you know, is that I was thinking about divorce and I was thinking it’s Kinda like, when we were talking about, people tend to be happy when they are in a relationship or is this not. It’s like buying a car if you sell your car because it’s horrible and it keeps breaking down and it costs a lot to fix it. It’s been a pain in the ass. You sell your car and then when you get a new car you’re happy. Like, I just sold my car a year ago and now I have a car where I can actually listen to my ipod without playing it through the radio, which sucked. I have a car where I can make a phone call, hands free without like a special thing. I mean, I have this car and it drives beautifully and it’s nice and it’s still smells new,
New Speaker: 00:58:18 traded in the old car for a younger model, a newer model.
John Lenore: 00:58:24 It’s a Nissan, so here’s some may have traded it in for a younger model, but it’s a nice. But as I found in the dating world, when you’re in your forties, you might be able to trade up in terms of age and on your wife, but you’re probably going to have to give some stuff up. See now you’re writing some good material already right here. If you’re dating somebody who’s a lot younger than you, first of all, if you got a divorce because you’re not compatible with the other person dating a 23 year old probably isn’t going to solve that. Solve some of your other problems. It’ll solve at least one of my other problems for seven minutes. For the record, let’s say 37 minutes. But, we’ll have to edit out the first part. I was talking about other people, but no, but if you did, you meet young people and they’re going to annoy you. They’re going to do annoying things that young people do that don’t play well to old, you know, they’re going to listen to music that I don’t
New Speaker: 00:59:25 never heard of and don’t want to hear from and they’re going to be texting and doing things and referencing things that make no sense
John Lenore: 00:59:33 and they’re just going to be doing things that we. Well, I don’t know how old you are, but I’m in my forties, but we, we would look at them as, as rude, like if you’re on a date and somebody is on their phone like this, the whole time point and they can’t see me. I’m doing a phone motion. But if you’re on your phone the whole time, we would look at that as rude.
New Speaker: 00:59:50 Right? I do, yeah.
John Lenore: 00:59:52 But if you’re 23 and your girlfriend does that all the time, it’s what you do.
New Speaker: 00:59:57 No, when people. I find that people who are younger typically don’t pick up the phone and call you and have a conversation. They’re more likely to text. And to me that’s kind of, that’s a turnoff. That’s just a generation thing.
John Lenore: 01:00:12 It’s just even I’ve found that I’ve become more tech savvy than I ever wanted to more that way, but I still liked to have phone calls, but I’ve found that now that people text so much, they screen your call more than they used to. They used to have to have an answer machine to screen your call. Now they just hit the red button and call that person later or maybe not at all.
New Speaker: 01:00:34 Exactly. Yeah, it times have definitely changed and I’m used to and as time goes by, but it was so different before so
John Lenore: 01:00:45 but with. But with the cars, the part I was going to. I wasn’t saying you should trade down for a younger model, but it is that right?
New Speaker: 01:00:51 You could test drive,
John Lenore: 01:00:53 definitely test drive as often as possible but safely. But if you sell your car and now you have to ride the bus. That was a horrible decision because a broken down car is still better than riding the bus and that’s why with divorce, when you have a car, things are okay. If you get a new one, things are great, but if you’re riding the bus things kinda suck.
John Lenore: 01:01:24 Yeah. I should have asked you if you rode the bus here before I said that I’ve written in New York, but mostly the subway and the subway, you know, bad. I love driving
John Lenore: 01:01:36 so he liked the subway is great. Chicago and stuff. And Washington DC. I love going into DC when I used to have to go there for work because you fly into Reagan airport and then you can take the little train thing right in the middle of where you need to be. No cabs, no parking? No.
New Speaker: 01:01:54 No subway in DC is a super expensive though, but it’s very clean. There’s no eating. Nobody eats on the subway. You’re not allowed to eat and you can’t even take a picture in the subway.
John Lenore: 01:02:04 Oh really?
Leanne: 01:02:04 I know they will arrest you.
John Lenore: 01:02:06 Holy Crap.
Leanne: 01:02:06 You can’t do it while they’re there under the Pentagon.
John Lenore: 01:02:09 Even white people.
Leanne: 01:02:10 Anybody
John Lenore: 01:02:12 I don’t want to get arrested. No, no, no selfies in the subway. but yeah. So I guess if we should probably wrap up, but this has been good. You. I love this list thing and I want to incorporate lists in all my.
John Lenore: 01:02:29 I’ll give you credit since you when I asked you what you’re like, oh, the best and worst thing. I was like, all right, I can, I can work with
New Speaker: 01:02:38 just from so many people. It’s like what are the best and worst things I think I would, I’m going to do is I’m going to come up with best one more thing and you have to decide which list it came off of craigslist roommates or.
John Lenore: 01:02:48 Yeah, I definitely, when I made the list, started realizing the holes. Like okay, 70 percent of these I could solve by just not having.
New Speaker: 01:02:58 But yeah, when you got down drilling deeper. I don’t, I don’t, I should, but I don’t.
New Speaker: 01:03:03 No, you should. Shouldn’t because all of the horrible things like you’re just going to have the bad things of a divorce or the. If you have a roommate, you’re going to have all the downfalls of a marriage minus
New Speaker: 01:03:15 minus 37 minutes. Thank you. Yeah, that should be the title of my podcast is minus the 37 minutes.
New Speaker: 01:03:23 That’d be a good podcast. So if there’s anything, the thing that you wanted to leave our listeners with, what would it be?
John Lenore: 01:03:35 it would be not to listen to me because I have a feeling people are going to listen to what I said and say I gotta find somebody no matter who it is, like right now and I’m going to be miserable. I realized that is a temptation. If you’re a guy, you know, when you got a couple hundred bucks, go to a strip club or something, solve your problems that way. don’t rush into it, have long engagements and do all those kinds of things. And even though following Dr [inaudible] advice is spending a year of finding yourself, maybe that’s a really good idea. I didn’t follow it, but because of not following it, I dated a lot of insane. I swear I, I’m kind of hoping that I moved from California because I swear at 35 percent of the women in this state are insane, crazy, insane, insane. Like boil your bunny
John Lenore: 01:04:28 is nuts.
Leanne: 01:04:30 What pool are you fishing in?
John Lenore: 01:04:32 the bad one? Apparently my fishing pool is limited. well.
Leanne: 01:04:39 Stop dating the ladies at Disney world,
John Lenore: 01:04:41 there’s a lot of them online.
New Speaker: 01:04:44 There’s a lot of pro Disney a ladies out there that’s like one of the most common things I see on online profiles is
John Lenore: 01:04:50 love to go to Disneyland and
Leanne: 01:04:52 flag flag, flag.
John Lenore: 01:04:54 But you love to go to Disneyland and you dress up like a princess. I’m a. because if I was walking on eggshells before, now I have a friend. Holy Crap, I can’t compete with Disneyland. What do I put a ride in the backyard or something? I don’t know. At 37 minute ride. Hey. All my rides are going to the exact same length so to speak. All right, well on that note then. That’s a good one. That’s a good one. So. All right, well thanks so much for sharing everything with us. This was really fun. Well, thank you for inviting me. It was a good time. We’ll have you back in your buddy who’s helped you out with this list. If you want my buddy to come back, I already, I already told them that I would let you know and he could call in. I guess that’s going to be a much more depressing. I mean, this guy’s living in his mom’s basement right now. We have to talk to him, so reach out. We’re going to have this on an upcoming episode. We’re going to have you back. We’ll skype. I’m up in Michigan. I’m just picturing all the listeners crying in the Kleenex sales going up and he’s going to tell all these horrible stories it, but that’s cool. It’ll be tales from the crypt. That sounds good. Alright, thank you. Thank you.